April 05, 2005

post!

okay, gordon random, this one's for you.
i haven't got too much news right now apart from the fact that i have a shitheap of work to do, but i should share with you the fact that i received some very interesting emails this morning. one was inviting me to join the criminal justice department (isn't it a bit of a worry that lawyers, police and doctors are being recruited via email?); one was from 'chiqia brassard' and read simply 'angley chaston'; and one contained only this picture:

that's pretty messed up right there.
anyway, gordon has requested that i post something involving the following:

"flapjack crumbs
a robin
pigs
stapler
keys
a girl
man with stupid long hair that doesn't suit him
goggles"

so i'm going to write a short poem involving all these things:

"Oh, man with long hair,
why your hair be so long?
Can't you see how stupid it looks?
You'd look much better with a short back and sides,
And then maybe the pigs would start finding you more attractive.

You could cover your shirt in flapjack crumbs,
Balance a robin delicately upon your newly-shorn head,
Attach a stapler to your key ring to make it look as if you drive a Chevrolet,
And wear some yellow goggles.
And then that girl who says she likes you a lot, but isn't 'in the right place for commitment right now', but yet still keeps on flirting with you, and you think she likes you but you're not sure, so you try and make a move but then she backs off, and then you apologise and then she won't bring it up but you can feel the tension rising between you –
You know that girl? –
She'll go out with you.


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  1. Gordon

    "I am the man with long long hair
    I only just realised I resemble a pig
    I've eaten so many flapjacks I look like shit.

    Would that girl really go out with me?
    I'd put staples in my ears if she'd just give me the key
    to her heart
    Can we go far? Driving in my Chevrolet
    my lovely fast car
    A robin flies past and poops
    on me"

    couldn't get goggles into it.
    Thanks though for your latest entry. Hopefully poetry will have squeezed the creative juices from you and inspired you to work.

    05 Apr 2005, 13:05

  2. A fun game can be played on Eim's poem called "Spot the Author's Mouthpiece". This is where the art stops and the reality governing it spills out like blood from a slashed jugular.

    Can you tell which line I'm talking about? CAN YOU?!

    05 Apr 2005, 13:57

  3. that was wicked, I loved it!

    I also love the fact I can smell the chocolate cake mum is baking because she worries when I leave home…who wants to come around tomorrow for cake?!

    05 Apr 2005, 14:47

  4. Gordon Random

    I'd love some choccie cake!!! chocolate has well been proven to fuel creative ability.

    And Mr Carter – my guess for the line is "isn't 'in the right place for commitment right now". Hopefully it's not the line about having a shorn head as I'm not so sure (!) our Miss Ballard would suit a clean shaven cranium judging by her pictures.

    05 Apr 2005, 15:15

  5. Gordon Random

    One reason to be vegetarian…..........

    My lemurs with their ringed tails
    begin to wail "wail wail"

    Miss Ballard, certainly no coward
    has left us with no mail

    She has work to do, she must be serious
    she has no time for things so frivolous

    But what of us? Her furry friends
    we need her insight, her comical trends

    We would not like to suggest
    we would take our custom somewhere else

    Keep us happy, keep us sweet
    or we shall disintegrate and become lemur meat.

    06 Apr 2005, 18:15

  6. i'm so happy that you've written a poem about me! more posts will come as soon as things get less extreme.
    i did once shave my head, but it turned out i had a big scar on there from falling out of bed and knocking myself out on the radiator last week when i was a child

    06 Apr 2005, 18:29

  7. i'm always in the place for commitment!

    what?
    oh.

    06 Apr 2005, 18:33


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