May 02, 2005

OH GOD

WHEN WILL MY ESSAY BE FINISHED

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  1. About the same time your soul implodes leaving only a blank shell which responds to your name but isn't really you… what makes things worse is she has a finished essay and you don't. Bummer really.

    02 May 2005, 20:30

  2. i really don't think i can cope with much more. i seem to be oscillating perpetually between 3,871 and 4,134 words, no matter how much i type.
    HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE

    02 May 2005, 20:34

  3. by the way, cruise, you might get a kick out of the latest…

    link

    02 May 2005, 20:35

  4. Hehehe, so now you know who GR is. Any chance I'd know them or is this the point where I lose interest and go back to learning to play Bloc Party's album on my bass writing my essay?

    And who cares about word counts? I've not been honest on one since October of 2003.

    02 May 2005, 21:04

  5. ah, cruise, don't lose interest, or else it'll just be me here with my essay…gordon…and those fizzy cola laces which are MAKING MY EYES BURN. i unfortunately don't know gordon's real name but i do know that she spoke to carter at abandon a few weeks ago and told him that she enjoyed his shoes.
    bloc party, eh?

    just overheard in the learning grid..
    'What do you think God is made out of?'
    'I dunno. Gravity, innit?'

    mouth hangs open in utter astonishment

    02 May 2005, 21:10

  6. er… is russia in europe?

    OH CHRIST MY BRAIN HAS BROKEN

    02 May 2005, 21:18

  7. All of Russia west of the Urals is considered to be part of Europe.

    I did Russian history last year.

    02 May 2005, 21:33

  8. guh!

    02 May 2005, 21:40

  9. And what's Russia got to do with Mexico?

    02 May 2005, 21:49

  10. And what's Russia got to do with Mexico?

    02 May 2005, 21:51

  11. mate, i'm filling up this essay with the purest of whimsy! so far i've managed to include billy connolly, simply red, joe bataan, and warwick's favourite, che guevara himself. but as if you could possibly care:

    "Eisenstein’s rushes for '¡Que viva Mexico!' had direct influence upon Fernández and his cinematographer Gabriel Figueroa, who wished to create a new style known as the ‘Escuela Mexicana’ which would emphasise indigenous culture and the beauty of the landscape; Russian influence upon the Mexican aesthetic is still evident in the recent release 'Japón' (2002) which utilises a Tarkovsky-esque visual style. However, the key European influence on Mexican cinema comes, rather inevitably, from Spain."

    whimsy content = 100%

    02 May 2005, 21:52

  12. A double post? Piece of shit laptop, why am I stuck with useless crap?

    02 May 2005, 21:52

  13. Sounds good, though I'm sure if I had the first clue about film it would make more sense. Sorry, I've seen so few films it's really quite pathetic.

    02 May 2005, 21:53

  14. hey, holly cruise, what's black and white and eats like a horse?

    02 May 2005, 21:54

  15. Don't know.

    02 May 2005, 21:57

  16. a zebra!

    02 May 2005, 21:58

  17. Looks unimpressed

    Mmm, should have seen that one coming really. Any more learning grid humour?

    02 May 2005, 22:01

  18. oh, this'll get me into trouble..

    what's black and screams?

    02 May 2005, 22:06

  19. I don't want to know.

    02 May 2005, 22:06

  20. stevie wonder answering the iron.

    i KNOW that made you laugh out loud!
    more?

    02 May 2005, 22:08

  21. I am not going to admit to laughing at that, hehehehehe.

    Yeah go on, more, I'm bored of the decline of Spain in the seventeenth century.

    02 May 2005, 22:09

  22. okay.
    what's pink and can't turn around in corridors?

    02 May 2005, 22:09

  23. Dunno.

    02 May 2005, 22:11

  24. a baby with a javelin through its head

    02 May 2005, 22:12

  25. what was the last thing jesus said to peter before dying on the cross?

    02 May 2005, 22:13

  26. Oh no, we're onto the baby jokes now, truly the end of sanity approaches. What's the Learning Grid like late at night, I think I'm doing a late night stint there on Friday.

    02 May 2005, 22:14

  27. don't you be eating my easter egg!

    the learning grid is sanity-destroying bilge

    02 May 2005, 22:15

  28. i too will be doing a late-night stint on friday in a bid to prepare for my presentation on saturday, for bollock's sake. i'll think up some more jokes before then!

    02 May 2005, 22:16

  29. I won't eat your eggs (sounds rude vicar) but I will be a willing victim to any coffee breaks (without the coffee) which may include comedy.

    02 May 2005, 22:23

  30. christ, absolutely. friday it is. are you going to see soulwax tomorrow?

    02 May 2005, 22:25

  31. Nope, I hardly ever get to see gigs cos no one I know ever wants to go, gits. This despite me nagging them to come to a gig in my first year which they didn't… and then rubbing their faces in it ever since cos I saw the Killers in the Union and they didn't.

    Fortunately, if he gets the grades, my brother is going to uni in Brum so I'll go with him to gigs next year.

    Not heard Soulwax's new one yet, though…

    02 May 2005, 22:32

  32. hee… the killers were class, i remember chatting to them in the queue at battered, bizarrely. i'm going to soulwax tomorrow which should be grand if i ever get this pissing essay finished. gah!

    02 May 2005, 22:34

  33. Should I stop distracting you?

    02 May 2005, 22:35

  34. no, PLEASE don't. unless i should stop distracting you…? but spanish history, meh! tell me something non-mexican and thought-provoking!

    02 May 2005, 22:39

  35. Mmm, not sure about thought provokingg but this evening, after writing 2000 words on the way Spain' economy and politics were buggered, I've been writing a paragraph which basically reads "yeah, it was hard and people were dying but hey! Look at the lovely paintings, it wasn't so bad"... history is heartless.

    02 May 2005, 23:01

  36. so, what was going on in seventeenth century spain?

    02 May 2005, 23:06

  37. Erm, you really must be bored to want to know that. In short, population decline, loss of revenue from Latin America, economic collapse, military defeat after defeat, the collapse of the empire in Europe, and the degeneration via inbreeding of the monarchy… with pretty paintings.

    I have been turfed off my own computer by a housemate and have only just stolen hers in revenge. How am I meant to stop people in the Learning Grid learning without a computer?

    02 May 2005, 23:28

  38. hey, that sounds pretty cool, especially the degenerative inbreeding bit. that was always the most fun aspect of 'A'-level history – apart from my strange love / hate relationship with my tutor who once held up one of my exam papers in class, completely covered in my scrawly, panicky writing, in a bid to mock me roundly, and who asked me to come inter-railing around europe with her that self-same week. weird. sounds like there was a hell of a lot more going on in seventeenth-century spain than in 1930s mexico, anyhow!

    02 May 2005, 23:34

  39. Holland happened to 17th century Spain! Didn't know Soulwax were playing, but I wish you an enjoyable evening! People sleeping on their keyboards in the maths dept and computer science as well (I noticed while walking by).

    02 May 2005, 23:35

  40. what was holland up to? this all sounds highly intriguing. christ, i must finish this essay, but it's so pissing boring, and an announcement was just made that all printers on campus except one have just gone down, apparently. good old warwick!

    02 May 2005, 23:37

  41. Holland. Got narky, got independence, shat all over Spain's prestige and importance in Europe, though not as major an event as is commonly assumed. According to the book I just read. Which contradicts the one I read two books before that which said it was majorly important. Bloody historians.

    Teachers on the interail? Strange…

    02 May 2005, 23:41

  42. Hmm… it was of major importance to Holland though, as without it, it wouldn't exist! But I guess there were more troubles for Spain (we got a kid's song about a brave captain stealing loads of silver from the Armada!)

    02 May 2005, 23:44

  43. yeah, otherwise i don't remember much more from a-level history. oh, apart from that bit about catherine the great dying whilst having sex with a horse.

    still…

    02 May 2005, 23:45

  44. I'm not dissing what Holland did (apparently they then followed that up by kicking everyone else around like a small country had never done before) but Spain was fucked at that point.

    My history teacher ruined history for me by telling us that Catherine died in a far more mudane way than she's famous for. Still, the one about Edward II of England is true.

    02 May 2005, 23:47

  45. is that the one about the guy talking after he'd been beheaded?

    02 May 2005, 23:48

  46. No, the one with the red hot poker up the jacksie…

    02 May 2005, 23:49

  47. what's this now?

    02 May 2005, 23:49

  48. Yup, got a red hot poker where the sun don't shine. Two reasons given. First one is that his killers didn't want anyone to know he'd been murdered so put it somewhere where there wouldn;'t be an obvious mark on the body. Now, everyone who knows about Edward II nkows this happened so they can't have been too successful. The other given reason (more dubious) is that he was killed in this way because he was gay and it was ironic or something…

    Edward of course is part of the wonderfully statistically accurate English/British royal line which has yielded 40 monarchs since William I the Conqueror of whom precisely one in ten (i.e. four) were gay. Ain't history interesting?

    02 May 2005, 23:53

  49. that is, without a doubt, one of the grimmest things i have ever heard. any more tales of convoluted execution? and who kept talking after he'd been beheaded?

    02 May 2005, 23:55

  50. Not sure, the story sounds familiar (possibly someone French) but if gruesome deaths is what you want then history what you want to study. Why don't they put that in the prospectus, they'll get inundated with wannabes. On the subject of Mexico and Russia, how about Trotsky and his icepick to the head. Nasty…

    02 May 2005, 23:57

  51. No offense taken. Quite would have liked to be Spanish though. Good food they make! Can't help with Mexico, sorry, nor with gruesome deaths, though I was quite shocked by Jack Black's death in the Jackal.

    03 May 2005, 00:01

  52. hey, gruesome deaths is the best bit. wasn't there some absolutely ridiculous story about someone being partially hanged whilst wearing a crown of thorns and getting his genitals cut off and thrown into a fire? who thought up these things?! still though… rasputin is still the coolest when it comes to extreme deaths!

    03 May 2005, 00:01

  53. what happened in The Jackal? i've not seen that. but i'm learning a lot this evening, this is good!

    03 May 2005, 00:01

  54. Rasputin was hardcore properly hardcore. Poisoned, shot, stabbed, thrown in an icy cold river and he drowned. Nutter. And portrayed once on screen by Alan Rickman, thereby rendering him cool+1.

    03 May 2005, 00:04

  55. Cool+1 I like that. The Jackal is a slightly rubbish film (only slightly as it stars Bruce Willis) where he (BW) is some sort of assassin killing people – as that's what assassins do. The FBI call on Richard Gere ex IRA terrorist with fake and too Irish accent to hunt him down. BW manages to get hold of a fancy gun that he can operate from a distance and tells Jack Black to hold a pack of sigarettes in front of it and not to be afraid. The poor sod does so and gets his arm shot of in true gory Starship Troopers fashion with stuff sticking out. Eventually BW decides he might as well kill him while he's at it. Action film blatantly involves something with the president and a chase sequence in a metro tunnel.

    03 May 2005, 00:08

  56. definitely, he's the coolest. russian history is definitely the best, it's so absolutely extreme. what other stuff are you studying?
    christ – i think i just finished my essay!!

    03 May 2005, 00:08

  57. Concerning gruesome deaths I just realize Greek Mythology is quite full of some. Or is that history? Actually, it's rather torture and the victims don't die. Including Prometheus hanging from a rock while eagles feed on his liver. Or Sysyphus forever rolling a huge rock on the neverending hillside.

    03 May 2005, 00:11

  58. euch, that sounds bleak. it takes quite a lot for a movie to absolutely grim me out, but 'once upon a time in mexico' shook me up a bit. i can't cope with anything to do with eyes. guh. best movie death ever? clearly, al pacino in 'scarface'!

    03 May 2005, 00:11

  59. Oh no! You've finished1Bang goes your purpose and direction and who knows what evil you will now have time to accomplish…

    Last year's modules were Russia and Latin America and this year, more parochially, I've gone for Ireland and British Electoral Politics in the 18th century (not as boring as it sounds). Plus fun fun fun in the core module which is where Spain comes into it in all its inbred, empire losing glory. Viva Espana!

    03 May 2005, 00:13

  60. Best movie death? Ben Affleck in Dogma.

    03 May 2005, 00:13

  61. what?! russia and latin america? holly cruise, what are the chances! good luck with irish history, what a sprawl. i've finished-ish, will need lots of editing tomorrow, but i can't be bothered with it any more tonight. i'm stuck here for another hour though, so plenty of time to think about grim deaths and such like. phew!

    03 May 2005, 00:16

  62. Unfortunately have to admit I haven't seen it yet. Will have to leave you as well as I'm actually tired. Glad to hear you might have finished your essay! Will make me sleep better.

    03 May 2005, 00:17

  63. isn't that a 'scanners'-esque head-blowing-up type affair? dogma was pretty cool as far as i remember. i always think it'd be a really cool thing to have an overly extreme death to act out. i've never had one myself, but i will be committing on-stage massacre in the forthcoming freshblood production 'noir way out.' great stuff.

    03 May 2005, 00:18

  64. I'm here for an undetermined amount of time as my housemate is having a mental breakdown in my room (her essay won't print or something) and I don't want to get in the way of any release of aggression. And as for Irish history… jeez, citizens, get a fecking grip. What a total shower of eejits. Seriously, most of them need a good slap.

    03 May 2005, 00:19

  65. Nice Freshblood plug.

    03 May 2005, 00:19

  66. oh christ…essay breakdowns…i remember them well. i lost 2,000 words of one last year the night before it was due. i remember quite clearly that all i could manage to do was cry. irish history is a very convoluted affair but the twentieth century stuff is pretty cool… bit boring if you have to do all that famine malarky though. i mean, really. could they not have thought of anything to eat other than potatoes?

    oh, i just remembered that i told a joke about the famine at some standup affair a couple of years ago and nearly got lynched. what a touchy bunch.

    03 May 2005, 00:21

  67. Hahaha, that'll learn ya! Our family ain't touchy about it because we're smug Dubs and didn't die. Of famine. TB, cholera and the IRA did account for various Cruises though. The famine's not as boring, or as straightforward, as you'd think. And I'm not just saying that because I need to revise it soon.

    03 May 2005, 00:27

  68. come on come on come on! the famine's far too boring! really, the IRA?

    03 May 2005, 00:29

  69. Great uncle, shot dead despite being a prisoner of war during the 1922 civil war. Fecking Fenians.

    03 May 2005, 00:31

  70. i see! so are your family dublin protestants? no need to talk about that if you don't want to, as it surely pisses me off when people bring it up. i remember all too well being interviewed for a summer job a few years ago when i was very much a buddhist (and vegan, and bald). the all-too-inevitable question of religion was brought up, i answered accurately; the response? 'protestant buddhist or catholic buddhist?'

    ah, ireland!

    03 May 2005, 00:35

  71. Nope, Dub Catholics, but hardcore Michael Collins followers which was not a good thing as far as de Valera's gits were concerned. We were happy with 26 counties then and we're happy with 26 counties now (or 27 if you count the mysterious Fingol which appears on some maps). We're part of those Irish who are trying to ween the place off excessive, argumentative religion… and on to arguing about other things. Can't stop the Irish arguing.

    03 May 2005, 00:37

  72. ahh, i see, that makes good sense. you spent a lot of time in dublin?

    03 May 2005, 00:40

  73. A fair old amount. Risky business as it causes me to talk in a bastardised anglo-irish accent which is, for others, very amusing. Love the place though, even more now there's no smoking in bars. Must confess, I know very little of the island apart from Dublin though, never even been to Northern Ireland…

    03 May 2005, 00:42

  74. yeah dublin is absolutely ace. northern ireland is…hmm… well, belfast is cool. no, i can't really back that up. it's worth visiting though. let me know if you want to have the piss scared out of you on the ever-enjoyable 'mural tour'!

    03 May 2005, 00:44

  75. I dunno, I am of southern Catholic stock avec English accent. Might get intimidated.

    03 May 2005, 00:48

  76. that's a good point. but still, it'd be character-building!
    hey, holly cruise, i've gotta get out of this place, but it's been very cool pseudo-chatting to you. definitely see you on friday for learning grid whimsy if not before!

    03 May 2005, 00:50

  77. Gordon R

    Epic

    03 May 2005, 10:42


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