You heard the birds sing, everything will be fine
Well well – I'm in the mood to write a little blog entry. How are you, blog and its readers? I am fine. Things in Bat Country are looking up as at last Random and I have escaped the bowge of student housing and signed for a proper, real–person flat near Jephson Gardens. And we were at the Summer Sundae weekend festival in Leicester which was amazing apart from Phil Jupitus standing behind us and singing along tunelessly and incessantly to Nouvelle Vague.
Right now I'm back in Ireland which should mean the return of some bloggish humour but instead generates something more along the lines of a desire for some kind of… catharsis (catharsis!!). But I know I can't start writing a cathartic (cathartic!!!) blog entry. Not after two years. But still, I must want to write something, as I'm missing 'Ted Bundy: Natural Porn Killer' to be up here typing. I'm taping it though, don't go crazy.
Anyway. I'm feeling kind of mellow at the moment, with just a bit of a sort of melancholic tinge, a bit Benjamin Braddock. Maybe that's what it feels like to grow up, or something. It's kind of nice but it also makes me feel a little estranged from my own brain which is variously crammed and empty. Maybe it's because I just trekked my way through Dante's 'Inferno' and it made me feel a little crazy. This is getting a bit too cathartic (cathartic!!) – I'd better write about something stupid.
Okay, so my most amazing internet discovery in most recent weeks – not my own discovery, but my appreciation of a mountain already climbed and flagged by Cathy – is that of the fucking ridiculous phenomenon of 'reborning'. For the uninitiated, 'reborning' is, apparently, "taking a doll, vinyl or other material, and totally recreating the doll into a lifelike baby. Reborning involves many steps to the care of the vinyl, from dyeing in some methods to oil painting, and tinting with various artist's pigments. Attention to every detail is of the utmost importance in recreating these ordinary play dolls to look and feel like a real live baby. Hair is added, new realistic eyes are added if applicable. A true Reborn will look like a real live baby when done properly.” Thanks for that, 'reborning' artist Dawn. Well, why anyone in their right mind would want to do this is another matter. It's incredibly tasteless, although I guess it does provide a necessary outlet for the Dahmer–style desires which probably do haunt the minds of 'rebirthers' (at least, I guess that's their name. Reborners? Stupid). I was hoping to provide a selection of the best 'reborning'–related quotes and photos, but instead I thought I'd have to give you a condensed step–by–step guide, plagiarised from a 'reborning' website (please don't sue me) without shame but with much dismay. Here goes:
STEP ONE: PURCHASE DOLL
Ain't she cute?
STEP TWO: REMOVE HEAD FROM DOLL
Woaurgh! That's a little drastic. Though it reminds me of something I once saw on 'I, Claudius'.
STEP THREE: REMOVE EYES
I'm sorry, I couldn't bring myself to post a photo of this.
Dawn's advice here: "Put the doll head into a pot of boiling water until soft, (you can also put them into the 150/175 degree oven - Place a thick pile of poly-fil on a cookie sheet. Place head on top of the poly-fil and gently place in a 250 degree oven for approximate 5-10 minutes) Then, just reach your hand into the inside of the head and poke the eyes out through the front. Note: Vinyl will be hot, but not hot enough to burn your skin."
Are we living in medieval Finland?!
STEP FOUR: APPLY PURPLE PAINT TO LIMBS
No, I don't know why…
STEP FIVE: REMOVE HAIR
And then… "Dip the head into a pot of boiling water with a
tbsp of baking soda for just a moment. This will remove any shiny areas
caused by the scrubbing." Good, good.
STEP SIX: BLUSH
Ah, baby's first makeover. I must say she looks delightful.
STEP SEVEN: MANICURE
Yes, you read it right.
STEP EIGHT: DRILL NOSTRILS
Why not? It worked okay for the Egyptians.
STEP NINE: ADD EYELASHES
I think this is the photo which I find most disturbing.
STEP TEN: ADD EYEBROWS
When will this madness cease?
STEP ELEVEN: ADD WIG
Congratulations, you have 'rebirthed' some kind of mutant white Queen Latifah baby.
STEP TWELVE: FILL SEVERED HEAD AND LIMBS WITH PELLETS
I can think of no reasoning behind this other than that it is intended to give the doll a more 'realistic', baby–esque weight. Or just to further its indignity. My God.
STEP THIRTEEN: REATTACH BODY
…And dress the poor wretch in some clothes probably intended for the real–life baby you never had. Congratulations. You now own an unbelievably unrealistic doll which is a cruel parody of its former self, forced now into its last stages of indignity. Why the hell you didn't just buy a slightly more realistic doll in the first place will remain forever a mystery. Let's just re–examine Dawn's initial claim: "A true Reborn will look like a real live baby when done properly.”
Yes, very good.
5 comments by 1 or more people
Just what I was thinking…that was really really strange
17 Aug 2006, 09:15
On one reborning site there's the welcoming message of "we hope you join our community" – hmm, let me just think about that one….no thanks. I tried to read the "Doll talk" forum to find out whether it's the dolls talking or the new, loving but slightly disturbed parents, but sadly for me you have to register to do that. And I don't quite fancy reborning spam popping up in my inbox every morning.
17 Aug 2006, 11:28
25 Aug 2006, 11:24
wow! i have heard some messed up stuff, but you guys take the cake. LOL i am an artist and yes i have dabbled in the art of reborning. but first of all, that is a SAD excuse for a reborn. plus the people who make those “instructional” videos dont know jack when it comes to reborning. any really successful artist will share that information with you for free. they make those cd’s and videos, just to make a quick buck.
there are a few wack jobs in the world who dedicate entire nurserys to these babys (dolls…whatever). and some do change their diapers more than is normal. but really are they hurting anyone? oh well each to his own i always say. but really if you’re going to bash get a decent reborn so it can put up a fight. ren
28 Nov 2006, 20:51
thts just horrible
17 May 2007, 18:41
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