March 31, 2005

eim's art school – LESSON ONE

that's right, dearest reader! over the next few weeks / until i get fed up / until i am threatened with legal action, i will be using my vastly educated mind to present you with a comprehensive understanding of ART in all of its multifarious forms. i'm going to start off with an easy lesson…

Lesson One: Determining the Difference between Magritte and Matisse

okay, i know that you've got them mixed up, and how embarrassing that can be at a dinner party! so i'm going to make it simple for you. magritte is the one who's a great painter, matisse really sucks. you got it? here are some sample pictures to illustrate..

Matisse: rubbish

Magritte: ace

Matisse: rubbish

Magritte: ace

you get it now, rube? ah? ah? you get it??

tune in next time to learn about the italian masters!


- 16 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Mmm, I like Matisse and I have a (failed) Art A Level to back up my opinion… I get the feeling I'm losing this argument.

    31 Mar 2005, 09:21

  2. I'm quite a fan of the hitherto unrecognised genius of Parsonage, actually. His deeply eloquent work 'Guevara On Cross To Symbolise Iconographic Deification In the Modern Age' is a particular favourite of mine.

    31 Mar 2005, 12:53

  3. G. Random

    Matisse has also been commissioned onto IKEA note cards. The tragedy of it all. Although my ma is rather fond of the semi dancing blue man one. Probably as he reminds her of my pops (maybe he is a smurf?).

    I met a guy who smoked a pipe on Sunday. And he had a beard. And he studied Psychology. Oh yawn – the cliche of it all.

    31 Mar 2005, 13:49

  4. – Wait. This 'G. Random'. It isn't – surely, it can't be – might it be the pseudonym of… MARTEL?!

    31 Mar 2005, 13:55

  5. Gordon Random

    Why? Is Martel's dad also a Smurf??? How rare.

    31 Mar 2005, 14:04

  6. back of the class, cruise!

    31 Mar 2005, 23:33

  7. i don't reckon martel would comment on my blog, if she even knows about it at all. but i am ever more intrigued by the identity of this pimpernel–esque commentator

    01 Apr 2005, 00:21

  8. Bring it on Ballard. My Matisse vs your Magritte, down the the schoolyard, tomorrow night. Bring your own booze and artistic tempraments and we'll rumble to the tune of oil on canvas, then paint the town red with a depressingly literal mindset. Don't make me use modern art…

    01 Apr 2005, 08:15

  9. Roisin

    I may not know art, but I know what I like, and what I like is babies dressed up as flowers/insects/celine dion, so more of that please.

    01 Apr 2005, 13:59

  10. Roisin

    Also, Matisse sucks.

    01 Apr 2005, 13:59

  11. As the website says Master of Color

    Stupid American spelling.

    01 Apr 2005, 15:24

  12. And Celine Dion? Talk about scuppering your own argument…

    01 Apr 2005, 15:25

  13. magritte could take matisse down any day!!
    celine dion, babies, and that delightful 'waterlilies' painting by monet are surely all we need.

    boik

    01 Apr 2005, 22:02

  14. Roisin

    Clearly all we need is, as Carter has pointed out, is St George with Che Guevara's face, slaying the dragon of capitalism, whilst being watched by a lake full of babies dressed as waterlilies, with Celine Dion looking down on the scene from the sun. It's the way to have it, THAT is art.

    02 Apr 2005, 18:57

  15. that picture could only be improved if it had some fantasy dragons presiding over the entire scene!

    02 Apr 2005, 20:04

  16. Roisin

    Fantasy dragons in tights, dancing over the bridge to hell.

    04 Apr 2005, 17:41


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