July 12, 2005

an irish interchange

i go downstairs with my head in my hands, attempting to drown out the sounds of the marching band which seems to be passing right outside my window

Mum (ridiculously chirpy): 'Morning! Tea pie?'
Me: 'Eh?'
Mum: 'Tea pie?'

mum reaches into the microwave to pull out a range of baked products - not microwaved, just in their packets, kept in the microwave - and hands me a fruit muffin. my dog looks from me to my mother in utter confusion.


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  1. Roisin

    My mum does that too!!! Seriously, all the bread and cakes are kept in the microwave….how bizarre. Is this something cultural we've missed out on?

    12 Jul 2005, 11:33

  2. Not something I've come across in Dublin. Provincial thing, hahaha…

    12 Jul 2005, 11:48

  3. Roisin

    Holly, you're probably right, I'm sure it's some bizarre culchie ritual!

    12 Jul 2005, 12:01

  4. but what the hell is 'tea pie'?!

    12 Jul 2005, 12:14

  5. Roisin

    I've never heard of a tea pie….it's possible that your mum is having some sort of psychotic break. I have heard of a tea loaf though, which is a disgusting fruit loaf thing….maybe that's what she meant?

    12 Jul 2005, 12:22

  6. oh, in that case, maybe. she does call swiss rolls 'chocolate pies' though, so i guess it's no surprise.

    12 Jul 2005, 12:24

  7. Roisin

    Fair enough….my dad calls potatoes 'perties' so who knows what these culchie parents mean half the time anyway?!

    12 Jul 2005, 12:26

  8. Gordon R

    And I have Apple Pie tatooed on my wrist right above a picture of your face that is over the back of my hand.

    12 Jul 2005, 12:36

  9. Konstantin

    well, at least your mum doesn't wake you up every morning from across the corridor with the half-asleep cry of 'Kostiiiiiiiiiii, coooffee!' – I should have never worked in cafes.

    Greek mums are unbelievably lazy.

    12 Jul 2005, 14:44

  10. Hehehe, another Dubh using the the lovely word "culchie". Does it apply to Northern Irish? No one has ever been able to tell me…

    12 Jul 2005, 15:59

  11. Gordon R

    Holly, where you've been? More gatehouse fun???

    12 Jul 2005, 16:02

  12. Gordon: Are you sure it's a tatoo? I once lent in some apple pie, then thinking it was a tatoo got an additional one done of the golden girls. Nonetheless I ate the former and are left with the latter. I call this a win-lose-win pastry phenomenon.
    Although if it actually says "apple pie" that's fair enough, but ultimately misleading, at least to my knowledge or information or data or whatever actual, ontological, real or analytical difference/similarity there is.

    12 Jul 2005, 16:04

  13. Roisin

    I think the definition of culchie reaches its apotheosis in Northern Ireland….have you seen the list of 60 things culchies love? If not I shall send it your way!

    12 Jul 2005, 16:05

  14. Gordon I've been there all morning, I'm now on my way to stand by Costcutter looking like some wannabe copper. Mock but don't throw things.
    Roisin Please, sounds interesting…

    12 Jul 2005, 16:07

  15. Gordon R

    Hey love, guess I missed you as I walked by. So you are still dressed as village people reject!!!??? reckon I saw one of the founding members the other week, complete with moustachio!!!

    12 Jul 2005, 16:15

  16. Roisin

    Holly, that's been sent via the wee email thing on your blog :)

    12 Jul 2005, 16:20

  17. Cheers Roisin. A fair few on there I laughed out loud at. Makes me want to sit back with a nice iced glass of Cidona only this crappy country doesn't sell it. Humph.

    12 Jul 2005, 18:32

  18. Roisin

    Cidona!! Whenever I come back to England I'll bring you a bottle. My favourite on the list was 'buttered biscuits' – digestives, of course! Real culchies put butter on everything, which probably accounts for this weird tea pie phenomenon

    12 Jul 2005, 19:39

  19. A whole bottle! Roisin, you are my new favourite person.

    Grins inanely.

    12 Jul 2005, 19:55

  20. Is there somewhere we can sign up to be a culchie for a day? I wanna get me some of that tea pie

    15 Jul 2005, 15:22

  21. Roisin

    Shall – I'll teach you, no worries. In preparation, please start by eating cake with butter on it, and banana sandwiches.

    16 Jul 2005, 21:44

  22. I think Shall might technically be a culchie anyway, after all she's not from Dublin…

    18 Jul 2005, 14:01


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