All entries for Thursday 29 September 2005

September 29, 2005

the sugababes: the worst band in the world, ever?

okay, this might be a bit out of character for this generally self-whimsying blog, but i feel that it is my duty to write an entry regarding the utter, total, mind-boggling rubbishness of the sugababes. obviously, this atrocious band has managed to brainwash millions into buying some of the worst music yet recorded, despite clearly being a bunch of talentless, unattractive morons. especially that one who looks like she's not quite done yet and needs to go back in for a few more minutes. to illustrate, let me quote some of their more choice lyrics for you, dearest reader.

firstly, their new release 'push the button'. not only does this unfortunate song contain a rhythm reminiscent of a nuclear activator somewhere outside chernobyl, if a little more droning, it also boasts one of the most genuinely terrible videos i have ever seen. some lyrics:

'If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm kind of showing off for his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
I'm ready to do something to relieve this mission.'

not only are these arhythmical, they are also rubbish.

next, the band's anthem of modern female emancipation, 'hole in the head'. i consider this to be the most excruciating of the band's releases to date, but they may yet surprise me.

'Breaking off the bun
A brand new day has just begun
Just because you made me go "ooh"
Doesn't mean I'll put up with you
Don't you dare turn back
Can't u see I wont take that?
I ain't crying not over you
Better for your head up like I told you.'


finally, however, the band's most outlandishly terrible lyrics are, surely, found in their recent song 'in the middle'. for those of you fortunate enough to be unfamiliar with this record, it's that really, really, really shit one that you hate. reading like they were penned by lewis carroll on crack, these words do not make any more sense than does the music to which they were set. i feel that i must quote them (almost) in their entirety to give justice to just how shit they truly are.

'I'm caught up in the middle
Jumping through the riddle
I'm falling just a little tonight (uh uh)
Cos everybody's making trouble
Someone's burst their bubble
But we'll be getting by alright (uh uh uh)

I'm caught up in the middle
Jumping through the riddle
I'm falling just a little tonight (uh uh)
Cos everybody's making trouble
Someone's burst their bubble
But we'll be getting by alright (uh uh uh)

Sooner or later this drunken elevator
Is gonna stop where I'm supposed to be
It's ten past eleven, I'm half way up to heaven
But I'm stuck in reality

Life's kind of funny
Not in it for the money
But I know that I've gotta pay
Love's gonna getcha
But only when I letcha
And I don't wanna turn away

Why can't the boys be the toys
That the girls want the boys to be
And why can't the girls see the world
That the boys want the girls to see, yeah

Midnight is on the low
No front just sing the flow
We're speaking all in code
To get to the place we know
Sweat is running down my back
I'm wearing leather, black
Falling into a trap
There is no turning back

I got my ladies with me
Fellas get cool and freaky
But we've gotta keep him tame
Cos we don't wanna play that game

Everybody from the block
Needs to be feeling nice
It ain't no weakest party
But get up enjoy the ride
What you see and what you hear
Can never be exposed
Acting out of character
Is everything we know

I know it's kind of tender
My body's tired
It's freaky but I'm ready for this bumpy ride
Everybody's tripping
It's all insane
But the voices in my head are saying it's ok

Trying to slow it down
I race against the rush
Gotta keep it cool to avoid the crush
Adrenaline is spinnin' and it's starting to show
That I've moved it on 'Coz I've changed the flow

But we'll be getting by alright (uh uh uh)
But we'll be getting by alright (uh uh uh).'

if it wasn't for the crazy frog, this band would be the musical equivalent of sweety the chick. an appeal to 'fans' everywhere: stop buying this. it's bilge.

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