All entries for Monday 09 January 2006

January 09, 2006

It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it…

'Please hold, and you will be connected to an advisor shortly'...
These are the words which have haunted my dreams over the last few days, as I have spent hours and hours variously trying to sort out:
a.) the ridiculous amounts of money of which I have been deprived due to inaccurate taxing. For some reason, the tax office thinks that I have been working for the university, rather than studying. Ha…
b.) the demise of my car which I am attempting to halt. Unfortunately, speaking to mechanics on the phone is about as mind-numbing as sitting through the entirety of Madeleine Peyroux's latest album.
c.) my attempts to claim jobseeker's allowance (I know, kids. It's not cool. Stay in school.)

A sample conversation of the last few days has gone something like this…

I dial a new number in hopeful anticipation

The phone rings for several minutes

Operator: Hello!
Me: Hello!
Operator: Hello, you've reached the advice line for having someone else pay your rent / having your car welded back together / getting another meaningless job etc. None of our advisors are free to take your call at the moment, so please hold.
KT Tunstall: Suddenly I see, suddenly I see!
Me: Christ!

Several more minutes pass

Advisor: Hello?
Me: Hello?
Advisor: Hello?
Me: Hi, I was wondering if you could give me some advice on not being poor / having a car with four wheels etc.
Advisor: I'm sorry, you've actually been put through to the wrong department. Just let me –
Me: No!
KT Tunstall: Suddenly I see!

Several more minutes pass

Advisor: Hello, you're through to the helpline for customers suffering from nervous breakdowns after being put on hold for half of their life expectancy. Please press 1.
I press 1
Advisor: Please press 0.
I press 0
Advisor: Press 3 to stay on the line.
I press 3
Advisor: Please enter the name of your first pet, followed by the Hash key.
Me: Eh?
Operator: I'm sorry, none of our advisors are on line to take your call at the moment. Please ring back later.

In conclusion, the only thing worse than being employed is being unemployed.

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