April 12, 2006

What women want?

After using blogs as pretty much as a public diary, thought I'd have a bit of a rant and add some controversy. For the feminists among you, and people who thought this is a film review, turn off now….

As once stated by Billy Joe Armstrong and Mike Dirnt, "Nice guys finish last" and this IS true. Ive seen friends who are the nicest guys on earth being single for years, while all those who maybe I shouldnt call friends that are heavily into the sins of life flit between girls like they are reading a book, page after page turns. I think there is a reason for this, the bad boy image is so much more attractive to women. There are those who Ive seen go against this, but in the main, its fairly set. I mention know names, but there are friends who have the worst possible person hygene, who can actually make you want to throw up just being in their smell zone, who somehow manage to hide the fact from the fairer sex. Or those who are blattent polygamists (probably spelt wrong) but every1 is interested cos they have so much confidence in themselves. I dont claim to be a nice guy, though Im not as vendictive and manipulating as some Ive met. Even some women are manipulating, Ive lost friends by speaking out about this but I dont see that there is much good to be obtained from this. Experience makes you wise, and one thing that is blattant is that if its a straight choice between the nice guy, and the not so nice, its always the latter. Maybe its cos Im a traditionalist, I dont see the merits of the bed-hopping student type. Not that its confined to students, but seems to be prevalent in some circles. Im led to believe that at a certain age, women change their minds on what they want, ok so Ive had this pain bugging me to meet her, but really Im not interested cos she fits the bed-hopping variety. When in scotland there was a great looking girl who was hanging round a bit, but she was heavily into drugs, and thats when I lost interest. Maybe its a gender thing, or a preference thing, but why is it that bad girls or guys do it for some ppl, while everyone else is left hanging. I think its a confidence thing, when I was back in that scene I had no fears, no worries, just a relaxed air, but now its like I have so much more to consider. Maybe its from growing up too. I can honestly say that I know exactly what I want in woman, but I have a feeling that women are never 100% sure, just watch jeremy kyle to see how uncertain women are, or so devoted to the bad boy that they are willing to cry their eyes out after a beating, and even expect it. Its not worth being a bad boy and beating ppl up just to get women, that would be a catastrophe and in some ways, being a nice guy turns to catastrophe… Your damned if you do, damned if you dont. What women want? Damned if I know, maybe some are damned if they know themselves?

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  1. cheer up. loads of women want genuinely nice guys. nice, sensitive boys can be exciting too :) they have feelings! they communicate! [melt.]

    12 Apr 2006, 13:23

  2. John

    Interesting post Edward.

    I think the key is confidence and "nice" guys seem to lack this whereas "badboys" seem to be a lot more confident.

    Also what do you mean by "nice" guys. The nice guys I have seen in the past don't get women mainly because they try to be nice to them in order to get something from the woman(sex, relationship, etc). They are often insecure in who they are and feel they must earn a woman's affection(or even buy it). "Nice" guys have a desperation about them and often do not believe that a woman could really be interested in them. They put the woman on a pedestal and this kills any kind of attraction. What is the interest for the woman when a guy does this? There is no challenge…there is no excitement.

    Of course this is not always the case, and there are people who are genuinely nice, but they are also confident in themselves, so the "niceness" is who they and is not some form of manipulation. These guys probably don't have much trouble "getting" women.

    Oh and another key difference between a nice guy and a badboy…the badboy is willing to walk away. Sometimes it can be hard to get rid of the nice guy, whereas a badboy is one who is hard to hold onto. Nice guys compete over a woman, whereas badboys have women competing over them.

    12 Apr 2006, 14:18

  3. I heavily disagree with you John. As one of the self proclaimed nice guys of Andy's post, I would like to review youre comments on confidence.

    I have enough confidence in myself in whatever I do. Whether its talking to women or getting on stage in front of 200 strangers in nohting but a rain coat (no really done that). The case of confidence is obsolete compared with something that only occured to me during this reading.

    Bad guys and girls! You know exactely what your getting with them. If a woman wants a quick fix (because they do you know, its not just guys) they go for the bad guy because they know they can use them and dump them, and this guy wont mind at all.

    Nice guys and girls! Never quite sure about them. You just need to take some time to learn about each other. You know when theres a connection between two people, because you can honestly feel it. With these people, you get feelings, as well as physical pull, and guilt! You dont want to make a move on these people because if you fuck it up, you might feel guilty because you made an ass of yoruself.

    So I believe its all about knowing what you get in the tin. I personally held out for someone for a year and a half, and after a couple of wrong ventures (who are now good friends (because they are nice girls)) found someone to match to me. She is nice girl, and I just took the time to find out. We both felt the connection. Then its all about taking the dive…..

    12 Apr 2006, 14:39

  4. Im not saying its right to try to be nice to get the girl, cos even some not so gr8 guys do that. Oh and yes Karl, I'd consider you one of the nice guys, even if I have seen the other side :p

    I can see how the bad boy types are supposedly a quick fix, and a more interesting encounter … sometimes, but in the main does anything ever come of that? People wanna be happy, but surely only the nice relationships turn out to be more? I used to be uber confident, but not so much now, as Ive seen certain situations change it. I never look for a quick fix, even if they sometimes find me, but not having confidence and not looking for the quick fix to build confidence… is really a downward spiral

    12 Apr 2006, 16:14

  5. John

    Karl, "You dont want to make a move on these people because if you fuck it up, you might feel guilty because you made an ass of yoruself." – that is the lack of confidence I meant. "Nice" guys don't always 'make a move' on the people they like because they are worried about 'making an ass' of themselves, being rejected, etc. Badboys often don't give a sh*t about making an ass of themselves and thus get more women.

    But you do raise some good points in regards to finding a match. As Edward mentions, badboys aren't usually the ones in steady relationships whereas nicer guys are, perhaps because they are willing to stick it out and find a compatible partner.

    Edward, what made you lose your confidence?(if thats not too personal a question)

    12 Apr 2006, 19:49

  6. A 2 yr relationship that ended in a choose uni or me kinda situation, since then it feels like Im trying to replace her in a way, but Im not, its more the fact that I dont wanna look for anythin that has to start all over again, even if i know it has to… bit weird I know, but a lot of things in my past need explainin and there are few who would understand my thoughts on things if I tried to explain. So normally I dont bother.

    12 Apr 2006, 20:32

  7. John

    Ed, thanks for the insight. Just a thought, perhaps your confidence stemmed from the fact you were in this 2yr relationship rather than from within yourself.

    Anyway I wish you luck dude.

    13 Apr 2006, 02:31

  8. If it helps, i'm damned if i know either… what i want has varied so much recently, it's ridiculous, i still don't really know to be honest, but then maybe i'm just not being true to myself cos i don't want to face up to reality.
    Bad boys have a lot of sex appeal, but then nice guys can be damn sexy too… i don't think things will ever change though, nice guys will always finish last, sod's law.
    Good to hear you sounding so upbeat by the way!

    19 Apr 2006, 17:56

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