March 26, 2006

Damn my human nature

One of my roommates has recently told me that he has a boyfriend, which did surprise me but it really doesn't bother me in the slightest. But i'm now finding that im being really self-conscious about everything I do, and really hate the feeling. I hate the fact that i'm analysing everything I say in case it might be offensive and am not being myself, and I know it's my problem but can't seem to sort it out. The same thing happened last year when someone I know told me they thought I didn't like them. This couldn't have been further from the truth but after they said that to me I couldn't help but feel I was acting differently around the person just to reinforce the fact that I did in fact like them. This is what i'm doing here, i'm not homophobic and am happy for my roommate but I am acting differently. I don't know whether to make sure he knows i'm ok with it by constantly saying so, or just to try to carry on as normal. Instead I find myself in between the two by carrying on in a slightly different way, which really annoys me and is probably noticed by him.
I guess it'll all settle down after a while and things will get back into a standard norm, but until then i'm going to really try just to get on with things and be myself, which I guess includes finishing this blog because writing about things just isn't me either!

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