May 07, 2006

Rindu laaa pulakk

Easter 06I've decided to stay in Warwick this summer. I want to read up n be prepared for my RAE..haha..konon la semangat..

My life has been turned around quite a lot. One thing's for sure is that i'm more disciplined now..swimming, study, makan..balik hours are spent mostly in uni..mandi kat uni..makan kat uni..hehe..mcm living on campus la pulak.

Anyway, just felt like writing up something. Its been a while, i know. Today i cleaned my room – ready for a fresh start. Gambatte!!

February 16, 2006

Deeply saddened

ulek mayangIts time again to write.

I read the news again, as i religiously do so each day. But today, the things that i see, i read, i hear, struck a chord in my heart.

Last night, i came to the sudden realisation, or "enlightenment" if u like, just the same as how i used to. Thank you my dear friend for bringing me back to perspective.

In the midst of internship aptitude tests, interviews, tests and the building up of work for during easter, I somewhat forgot or got distracted from my true role and ambition.

Reading about Somalis dying of thirst and many more at risk of it, the Horn of Africa really showing its devastation through a terrible drought, children drinking their own urine in was just too much to read.

I then went on to see the Oxfam page. As i always do each time i visit it, I could not help but ponder. Would it be better for me to commit to such monthly donations ( 2pds a week can feed 133 little mouths each mth!?!) or better to just give a one off donation. I wonder if many many others in the world wonder too, whether their money is really being used to its full potential..or rather than keep donating in small lumps, is there a better alternative, a funding towards something that could really alleviate this world from its torture or as some say, deviation from God's orders.

It made me think too, of how i am myself not being the world's best Muslim. But i acknowledge the fact that God is with me, and he knows my thoughts and feelings, better even than i do myself. I am almost at peace. But it just fuels me to be better, to work harder – not for myself, but for the betterment of the world. What, i wonder, could i do?! This idealistic girl cries for guidance.

For now, i shall stick to the conclusion that i always come to – study up economics. See how you can make a difference.

Haha…at the same time, i have holiday plans, interview dates, and working shifts to settle for easter. And people around me are complaining of depression over the ending of Malaysia Night practices! Oh what ignorance is blinding us all. Oh what ignorance is blinding me for thinking that i am not blinded too. Haha..i'm just as blind as the rest of them.

On a different note, i am extremely excited to reaching my 3rd and final year in Warwick. For one, i'll be back on campus – Sports Centre and LG would be accessible again! I'm staying in Claycroft so 2am shopping nights will soon return!! =) Boy, oh boy, am i excited!! NO more early mornings. NO more waiting for buses in the cold. NO more, i tell you!

Sorry ma, for not writing up much. And sorry for not saying much. It really is quite different now. I doubt it can ever be the same again. And BTW, the girl u saw on the page was INDIAN! and her hair is STRAIGHT! and her arms are 1/10th the size of mine!! I do take offense on that accusation. I can even print screen, zoom it up and send u the copy of a close up picture of her. It is NOT your DAUGHTER.

i miss my ma.

January 06, 2006


Its been a long time..

Term's started already, with me skipping the first lecture. Why u ask? HAha..i was up too late doing my assignment (*darn you econometrics!) and couldn't get up the next day =p

I've 2 main assignments, a 2000 word essay for macro and the eviews assignment. Both worth 10%, both due next friday. I freaked out sometime around new years, when i realized in actual fact that i did not really do that much during the hols. Haha..who would?! but i did get to rest and now i'm all charged up for the new term!

One world week is also coming up soon. After my test on the 17th, i'll be on the workshop which is on the 20th. Busy busy busy…

December 01, 2005

two cups of coffee per rich person

Writing about web page

That's all they're asking..hey, i'm not rich but i sure would like to help..just 2 cups of coffee…even i can do that..

World poverty has been an issue since forever..i'm reading this book, "Masters of Illusion" The World Bank and the Poverty of Nations.

Its so depressing. Although there were sound people with genuine interest and spirit to fight poverty, their ideas were simply manipulated. America and UK took that idea to gain world control implicitly by being the major contributors to that institution. Even Europe is at their whim.

The bad stuff i read? Corrupted governments(ie their leaders) who were seemingly portrayed as dumb and would simply ask for money without a proper structured plan, who would even DARE ask for money they wanted to make themselves appear succesfull in their respective countries.

The following is a caption from the book:

Not that there was a shortage of requests for the kind of loan that had given foreigh lending a bad name,Robert Gartner described an interview with CUban President Carlos Prio Socarras in the early 1950's
One of the things he wanted was a tunnel under Havana Harbour. It was commonly reputed that the prople in the know had brought up the real estate on the other side of the harbor, and if a tunnel was put under before they ever felt they could afford a tunnel, and you can do the same thing."
"Well," he said, "Mr Garner, you may be right, but its like a diamond on the hand, it's just something that shines – it just appeals to me."

Numerous projects failed (eg: Sardar Sarovar, India; Volta, Ghana; Bhumipol, Thailand) and had *massive environmental and social effects (eg: Displaced homes – with no resettlement plans, river blindness – due to exposure to DDT & dieldrin) which affected hundreds of thousands of people with each project..

The heads of bank? Americans traditionally. But they have been improving, just bit by bit. Each has their own style of leadership and want different things to happen with the money. Eugene Black, Woods, all had different contributions. But all made some mistakes. Mistakes with such massive side effects that they seem unforgivable and a breach of trust.

Haih, i talk a lot, but in the contribution has yet to come to the world.

November 30, 2005


This sucks. I'm doing so badly in my tests! Micro, well, i simply didn't know how to start off the equation and for question 2, i screwedit up by putting m = w1 + w2. Argh. Didn't think to multiply by the prices. I am such an idiot!

i just checked my pof results. I did quite badly too – 60%.

Conclusion? Must study this holidays. WHy why why wHHyyy am i so dumb?!!!!?? must suffer then only realise..but even then, i don't really learn my lesson.

I think i've been improving, relative to last year. I went to the lectures, seminars, just didn't do enough revision. I did notes, but its not enough i suppose. Time to sit down and get it all in my head earlier on. Last minute studying isn't really working for me anymore..WHY?!

Now tht i've passed the angry stage, its now moving on to the slump. =( i wanna run n hide…miao.

November 25, 2005

Step by step..

Writing about web page

For the first time, Palestinians control a gateway to the outside world that is vital for Gaza's economy.

The crossing will actually be opened to Palestinians coming from and going to Egypt on Saturday.

Hurrah to Palestine!! May this step becomes the first to many more to come towards their progress, development and freedom..

November 23, 2005 amusing!

Writing about web page

If God was a woman
would I still be a glutton
and stare at her body
and call her a hottie?

If God was a nice girl
would Her flowers be unfurled
as you stare at her breasts
and want to touch her chest?

Would you stare at her legs
and think of Her pretty head
tilted back while pleasured
which the sin not measured?

Legs wrapped around your torso
and Her screaming "oh, Oh, OH"
In a dark hotel floor,
Gideon's in the drawer.

If God was a woman
it has already been done
"To do tothe least of these
you also do to Me."

And THAT's why God is not a woman =p

November 16, 2005

Is it all worth it?

The excitement, preparation, all the effort…is it all worth it for that just fleeting moment?

Feels like its not. Not without appreciation and acknowledgement. The cool cat attitude isn't helping.

We'll just have to see.

November 15, 2005

Superficial Laughs

Bad day today. Real bad. From skipping lecture to bad exam, to forgetting rota signing, to sleepy shift, to hungry night to scratched wok, to vege thieves….i assume by now u can imagine how very pissed i am.

I watched 1st half of fantastic four just now. Laughed a lot.Wasted a bloody hour just to make myself ignore the frustration & be numb again. Alone. just so pissed..


November 14, 2005


It's been a rather full few days for me. Not hectic with things to do but just very mind occupying.

I'm glad things are going as how i initially wanted, but i can't help but reminisce and think of the things i wish i had done differently.

I'm going back into picture-taking mode..i just realised how my time has passed and since i have very poor recollection of events and memories, i really should record them in some form or another.

I miss my ktj days, those sweet simple days..heh, when min was around at least, and i miss singing with the guitar and the night sessions, miss our conferences, rabbit food dining..things can never be the same again i suppose.

Not much point in thinking of the past i suppose..and worse still to have such great expectations of the future..lets just stick to being optimistic and in having faith in people..

Vivian Green - Keep On Going

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