All entries for Saturday 26 November 2005
November 26, 2005
Tears rolled from her eyes as she watched the couple walk away with her baby girl. Her joy. Her life. She felt numb. Yet, she dragged her feet, willing herself to walk back home.
“Home?”, Brenda thought.
A million thoughts rushed through her confused mind. The orangey brown leaves were blowing in the strong gusts of wind, brushing her cheeks, and getting tangled in her hair. But the overwhelming feeling that washed over her had nothing to do with the leaves.
“What home? There’s nothing and no one waiting there to greet me.” she sniffled.
Standing in front of it, staring, she only saw it as a white, gorgeous, 2-storey house. She didn’t see it as a home. Not anymore. It won’t be filled with the girly giggles she’s gotten so used to. No patter of little feet. No adorable smiles to start her day with. None of that. How she would dearly miss all those little things that she had grown to treasure the most.
She recalls the day Sarah had come into her life. She had called all her friends that morning, sharing with them the amazing news that a beautiful girl would arrive at her home later that day. She was ecstatic as she had been trying to adopt a child for years. Her marriage had fallen apart as a result of her not being able to conceive. They had longed for a child and the devastation had driven them away from each other. Both of them felt as though they had let the other down.
But the grief of losing her husband was replaced by her love towards Sarah. She had learnt that Sarah’s biological mother had to give her up for adoption as she saw no way of supporting Sarah. She was determined to be the best mother she knew how and she was going to care for Sarah as if Sarah was her own.
She remembers Sarah’s first steps and her first tooth. Sarah’s first word was ‘Mi’, her version of ‘mommy’. She remembers Sarah’s first day of kindergarten. Sarah wouldn’t let her out of sight even for a second.
Suddenly, the happy memories brought her back to where she was; slumped under the tree which towered over her lawn. Sarah’s birth mother, Colleen had come back for her a month ago. Colleen had just got married to a wealthy man and she could finally afford to care for Sarah.
Colleen was prepared to go to court if that was what it took to have her child back. Brenda wouldn’t have any of that. She spent a long time deciding on what to do. She loves Sarah with her whole heart and she never expected Sarah to leave her so soon. Sarah had just turned 8. She thought the soonest it’ll happen was when Sarah leaves for college.
After hours of long walks thinking of the best solution, Brenda reached an agreement with the couple. They could take Sarah home with them so long as they allow her to visit once in a while. Saying that broke her heart. She really didn’t want Sarah to leave. Sarah was her baby too. She did it anyway with the intention of giving Sarah what is best for her. She didn’t want her to grow up confused as to who her mother is. She didn’t want her to go through the pain and unpleasantness of people fighting over her.
With a heavy heart, she picked herself up and walked slowly towards her house. She would be seeing Sarah again.. real soon.