# All entries for March 2006

## March 31, 2006

### Separated at birth

Syndrome, (aka Incrediboy) of The Incredibles fame.

Simon Jordan , Crystal Palace Chairman

## March 20, 2006

### Berkswell & Balsall Common hang–on in promotion chase

What a week and a bit it's been. After the disappointment of not being able to play Barlaston a fortnight ago due to a frozen pitch, we've done all we can to seal promotion, although we're relying on Kingswinford to do us a favour and beat Newtown.

Berkswell & Balsall Common 13 Aston Uni 0

Here's the match report as I submitted it to Doug:

The match started brightly with Dave Haggart linking up well with somebody on the left. Some goals were scored, due to the good work down the left by Dave Haggart. Half time came and it was Dave Haggart 5 Aston Uni 0. Some more goals were scored before a scinitilating run up the left channel by Dave Haggart who was unlucky to have the ball just run out of play with just the 'keeper to beat. Some more goals were scored and Dave Haggart won 13-0.

Here's the match report as it appeared in press:

Berkswell got a much needed goal difference boost that could be a crucial promotion decider, leading into the final games of the season. Berkswell started sprightly knocking in a quick fire 7 goals in the first 25 minutes including 5 from Simon Tite, including a special effort for the second of the cross bar. Duncan Greenshields deflected one of Tite's shots to claim the 6th and Andy Livingstone the 7th, before Berkswell sat back and cantered to the second half comfortably 7-0 in the lead. Despite Tite having to leave Berkswell kept up the pressure with Tite's replacement Robin Pick picking up 2 and Martin Stevens, Oliver Talbot, Steve Graham and James Bonell grabbing one a piece. Berkswell face a tough double header on Saturday and Sunday but will be going into the game with renewed confidence and vigour.

No mention at all of my scintillating run at all!!!

Ludlow 0 Berkswell & Balsall Common 3

Ludlow came into this match thinking that Berkswell needed to score a hatful of goals to aid their promotion chase, so sat deep and hoped to catch the Bs on the break. Unfortunately for them, goals weren't an issue, and so Berkswell were able to be patient taking the game to the home team. A succession of chances came and went as Ludlow's 'county' 'keeper repelled all attacks with a string of solid saves. However with 10 minutes to go before half time Andy Livingstone picked up a rebound from the on-rushing 'keeper, and beat the retreating defenders with a well struck hit. In the second half Berkswell continued to press forward, and extended periods of pressure were rewarded with a goal from a diving Michael Horswill. Ludlow themselves had chances to get onto the score sheet, and indeed had the ball in the Berkswell goal, but it was ruled out for dangerous play. Their only other chances were limited to speculative hits into the 'D', but their attackers failed to get the required touches. With only a minute remaining Simon Tite, who had been profligate in front of goal, finally beat the Ludlow 'keeper with a looping shot to leave the score at 3-0, and ensuring Berkswell's goal difference would be sufficient if they beat Barlaston and Standard and Newtown lose to Kingswinford.

Barlaston 1 Berkswell & Balsall Common 2
Berkswell notched up their third straight win, their 16th of the season, with a hard-fought win in the second game of their away double-header. Berkswell again started well, with some good chances following probing runs from John Carter. Possibly the best chance fell to Simon Tite, who somehow contrived to blast the ball well wide of the open goal having rounded 4 defenders and the 'keeper. Berkswell continued to press forward, but Barlaston themselves were beginning to create chances and indeed took the lead with 5 mminutes to go in the half. After breaking down the left the ball fell loose on the 'D' and was somehow scrambled under 'keeper Neil Palframan and into the net, despite a diving goalline clearance attempt by Dave Haggart. Berkswell heads went down and a deflated team struggled to get up for the second half. However Berkswell continued to create chances and continued to be victims of some brutal fouling, which was felt to be dealt with a little leniently. Barlaston however began to self-destruct as they reacted to the 'injustice' of some of the decisions and consistently gave up territory for arguing with the umpires. It was from one of a succession of short corners that James Bonnell scored with a well-executed drag-flick to which the Barlaston 'keeper had no answer. This visibly lifted the Berkswell players but time was running out and the killer touch wouldn't come. However with 5 minutes left to play the ball fell to Pete Wright to cooly slot the winner under the on-rushing 'keeper for the winner and Berkswell's hundreth goal of the season. with the clock running down Berkswell continued to keep the ball and draw yet more deliberate fouls and held on for a hard-fought win, keeping their promotion dreams alive.

And so the table is as follows:

$\begin{tabular}{l c c c} & P & Pts & GD \\ \hline \\ \textrm{Kingswinford} & 21 & 54 & +93 \\ \textrm{Newtown} & 21 & 53 & +66 \\ \textrm{Berkswell \& Balsall Common} & 21 & 50 & +69 \\ \hline \end{tabular}$

With Kingswinford to play Newtown at home, Berkswell to play lowly local rivals Standard at Warwick University astros at 12:30pm. If Kingswinford (already promoted) and Berkswell win, Berkswell go up on goal difference – a draw would be sufficient for Newtown to gain promotion by a single point.

## March 14, 2006

### Congestion Charging – Making driving easier for rich commuters since 2002

This came to me the other day when in London doing a bit of sight-seeing with Anne. We went to the Tower of London, and decided to walk from Monument to Tower Hill as it was a nice day. On the way we saw:

• 2 Rolls Royce
• 1 Aston Martin DB9
• 4 Mercedes
• 3 BMWs
• 5 taxis
• 1 bus
• 1 beat-up transit van
• 1 Volvo estate.

On the way home, at 5:30pm while waiting for the lights to change in order to cross the road to Tower Hill station, we watched the following pass us:

• 2 Porsche Carrera
• 1 Prosche Carrera Turbo
• 1 Maserati
• 1 Aston Martin Vanquish S
• 2 Mercedes S Class
• 1 Mercedes SLK 55
• 1 Jaguar XJ8
• 3 taxis
• 2 buses
• 1 Peugot estate
• 1 beat-up transit van

Whilst this is not the most statistically significant sample, it's a pretty good example of how Ken's Congestion Charging scheme is basically making it easier for rich people to drive into central London. Clearly £8 is a lot for most people to add to their daily commute, unless you have the odd £2000 kicking about spare. Which, if you are driving £200k worth of Rolls Royce you probably do. Lets face it, it comes down to whether to have the crystal glasses in the wet-bar or the glass ones…

## March 06, 2006

### John Barnes ate my hamster

OK, John Barnes didn't eat my hamster (and if he or his lawyers are reading this, please disregard). I made that part up. John Barnes has never even met my hamster, even if I did actually ever own one. In fact when I saw him in Chinatown on Friday night he didn't eat anything as he couldn't get a table in the restaurant that Anne and I were in, and couldn't be arsed to wait around, so pootled off.to find another restaurant. This is not before Anne had piped up with "Oh my God, isn't that Jeremy Guscott?"

Anne is clearly crap at celebrity spotting, having spotted "that old comedy guy. He does shows like QI and stuff." This I think must have been Arthur Smith, based on a fairly sketchy description and some fairly outrageous guessing.

And while I'm on the subject, she still doesn't know who Chuck Norris is. Honestly.

## March 2006

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## Galleries

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