All entries for November 2004

November 30, 2004

Meeting people from the internet

Writing about web page http://www.ukchatterbox.co.uk/article/18

I seem to have developed a tendancy to meet up, recieve phone calls from and generally socialise in a non virtual way with people who I have first got to know via the internet. With Warwick Blogs I have noticed this trend in my life accelerating rapidly until I am now meeting previously virtual people on an almost weekly basis. It would be very unfair if I kept all this wealth of experience to myself and I have thus decided to provide you with a handy guide on how to meet 'real' people:

Dan's Guide to Blogger/real life crossovers

Meeting people from the internet is likely to be a scary and frightening experience for everyone concerned; whatever you do, avoid turning up naked. Save this for later. Safety is another important concern, wear protective clothing at all times and follow these simple tips:

1) Always arrange to meet up in a private place. If they offer to meet you at their place, go along. Bring a pillow. The main advantage of this is that noone will be able to see or hear you; potentially saving you hours of embarrasment when you "accidently" reveal your love of tweed.

2) Never tell anyone where you are going, who you are meeting or when you expect to be back. Not even your partner. This means noone will know where you are. This is what you want, meeting people from the internet is still considered one step above glue sniffing. Also never take a mobile phone with you, you don't want to have to lie to your friends if they ring up asking where you are and noone likes a flash git with a fancy "mobile" "phone".

3) Go alone. If your friends realise what you are up to they may decide to eat all the food in your fridge, especially the yougurts.

4) If at any time you feel uneasy with the other person, then try having another drink. Everyone improves with alcohol. Even Sam.

6) Be sensible! Don't meet in a bar; and fail to get totally pissed. You don't want your new internet friends thinking you are a total loser. Its best to just act on instinct, do what you feel rather than thinking things through too much. This only leads to confusion.

7) Don't hesitate or be cautious! If they other person can sense your fear they may hate you forever after all what are you implying?

8) It's very important to lie. On no account should anyone from the internet uncover your true nature, if they do they will most likely hate you or otherwise why would you have resorted to the internet to meet people in the first place?

If you follow this easy advice I'm sure the warwick blog community will soon be a thriving market place for making friends.


November 29, 2004

Lets get serious, and look at pictures of me

Because life is a serious business; especially my life. That you should all take very seriously. Mmmm.

Today, I remembered I had a webcam so I dug it out and decided to make a gift to you all of some useful images to express previously unexpressable thoughts here on Warwick Blogs. Dan presents:

"Dan's guide to emotional release"

I'm full of angst, everyone hates me, even I hate me

It seems to be an all too common phenomena here on campus and especially here on the blogs. I don't like people to be depressed, I'd like every depressed person to spend their time more productively by smashing golf balls through the vice chancellors car windows; yet I know that sometimes we all give in to a good wallow, even though we know its bad and wrong. This picture is for you, cheer up soon, life is all a big game anyway.

I've just found out that my best mate slept with my girlfriend while I was in the same room

As we all know in the Warwick bubble and under the influence of alcohol sometimes, things happen. Sometimes things happen that are just inexcuseable and you should rightly release your rage on flowerpots, pastries and your best mate's letter box. This picture is for you. May also be useful in cases of acute constipation.

I've just woken up and missed all my essay deadlines, my train, my parents funeral and the last episode of my favourite cartoon

Sometimes, we just can't help ourselves. Sleep takes over when it really shouldn't and those important life moments just slip by with us in blissful ignorance. Then we wake up.

Oh shit! I'm Popeye the sailor

Can strike at anytime. Now you are prepared.

If I squint I'll be more good looking

An emotion often expressed for around 20 minutes to ones mirror just before the ritual march to Top Banana. Save yourself some time, stare at this picture. Do you look better than it? If so congratulations enjoy your night out. If not, retire to your room immediately and lock the door, call the emergency services and await help.

Thankyou for your time.


November 28, 2004

Another day, another blog

It seems that a lot of my conversations these days revolve around warwick blogs and I can't help but think of everything that happens to me in terms of blogging possibilities. A sign of my growing addiction, or a healthy response to a new medium?

Today's story really begins when I got a phone call from my brother, but I want to briefly mention that I had very good intentions today of doing a lot of washing, tidying and work. Intentions that were not transformed into action due to forces (mostly) beyond my control. Am I to be responsible for the flows of chance, the dicethrow of life? I ask that you, my guilt, accept these protestations as iron-clad reasoning and forgive me.

I digress.

I recieved a somewhat urgent phone call requiring me to instantly dispatch myself from my procrastinating and head off on a jaunt into previously uncharted areas of Coventry that surround the NHS drop in centre. It turns out its actually very close to the bus station, just past the totem pole, yes the totem pole. My mission was one of guidance and good company.

I'm not a great fan of hospitals or hospital-like places. While the premise of keeping all the ill people securely locked up in one place does appeal, the practicality is you, as a perfectly healthy individual, often have to venture into this pit of sickness. I resent being encouraged into the very mouth of the beast, if I'm going somewhere to be cured then surely the very worst idea is to surround myself with sick people. Today however I relented my stance, for I'm nice like that and was able to wait for around two hours to learn that my brother was told to go away and come back if it gets any worse. Do they really need 6 years of medical training to tell us that?

Later on I found myself involved in an almost house wide trip to Leamington. At least it started that way, but no sooner had we reached the doorway and they started dropping like flies. One member of the posse swapped his shoes for slippers and we were down to three. Before we reached the end of our road the bell tolled again an our group had become a pair. The phone beeped and I learned that the person we were supposed to meet had also decided that bed or work looked like a more attractive option. The party spirit was very far away from Earlsdon.

However we perservered and managed to catch a bus halfway there, before switching over on campus to the delights of the "Xtreme 12" to carry us safely to Leamington. I mentioned before that I might have a Leamington house party habit, this was confirmation of my sickness. Myself and fellow party traveller decided that it would be foolish to arrive at a party type gathering without stopping to pick up some alcoholic beverages, a quick swerve and we were in an off license. It is here we encountered "Humorous but-not-quite-sure-if-he's-joking Shop owner" who became involved in a small dispute with a customer over the correct payment for a packet of cigarettes. He informed the whole shop that he hadn't recieved the full payment and that we should all be careful because his friend (gesturing at a man skulking in the corner of the shop) was a recently released murderer and he had metal shutters. Ha, ha ha? He might have been planning some kind of blood bath. We paid and swiftly exited towards the party.

Arriving at the party itself quite late I decided quite soon that my one mission while I was here was to obtain as many signatures as possible to support the creation of the Video Game Design society. I am proud to say I achieved this goal, with some persuasion and the natural willingness of tipsy people to sign anything. I was once again involved in too many conversations that somehow involved blogs and met a few new people from the Band Soc circles. But time was quickly catching up with me, and no sooner had I arrived than it was time to leave.

Heading back to the bus stop I noted that I was in for a fair wait for the last bus and amused myself, by listening in to the banter of drunken people and playing games on my phone. Little did I realise that two of these drunk people were soon to become my friends.
When the bus did finally arrive and I sat down I was quickly joined by a pair of pretty, short skirted and very drunk seventeen year old girls. I decided quickly that I could either adopt the ignore them and hope they go away strategy, or the far more amusing engage with them and take everything they say sensibly strategy. The latter quickly became the only choice as one of them seemed desperate to give me her phone number and repeatedly kissed me without provocation.

Had I been a more evil, or lustful kind of man who knows where this situation could have led. Thinking of you blog fans I soldiered on and instead I decided to learn their game of 'give me 15' (like' give me 5' but with both hands first) and found out about their future life and career plans.

Both had already scheduled in the time of their first babies.

If anyone wants the phone number of a pretty seventeen year old girl who wants to be a beautician then catch me after the show.


Dan Explains Logic : Making Introductions

Logic has an image problem, you think of logic you think of sturdy (probably bearded) mathemeticians closeted away in cupboards for years on end with only an ear wax candle and a pencil for company. Either that or you think vulcans, not exactly a fun loving bunch. However what these seterotypes don't reveal is the fun and sociable side to logic, take any two lonely premises and you can guarantee that there is a logical matchmaker just waiting to unite them in a a deep and loving way.

By far the most sociable of these matchmakers, is vel (looks like a little v in your logical proofs; sometimes called disjunction), some have even called her a dirty slut because lets face it she'll hook up with anyone. The best way to understand how vel introduces is to think of her as the best pair of beer goggles you've ever tried. Once you bring vel into the equation you can link up your premise with anything you care to mention, she only cares that one of you is true.

By contrast we have the far more reserved and cautious Mr. Conjunction (& in your proofs or sometimes a n type symbol), he will never match up a couple unless he is absolutely certain they will both be true to each other. If you see a couple matched by Mr. Conjuction you know that they are right for each other and that neither of them will let you down.

If you ever meet Sir Existential you'll understand that he can only bring himself to the table once we have firmly established that there is at least one person who follows 'the path'. 'The path' being his quasi mystical interpretation of a predicate that is true about them, once there is at least one person with a true predicate applying to them we can say that very fact with the help of Sir Existential.

Miss Universal is the awkward one, she will only introduce herself to people who fit in her exclusive cachet of "arbitrary designators". If the name the predicate is being applied to could not easily be swapped for any other then she just doesn't want to know, and she better not find you depending on another line in which the arbitrary name occurs or there'll be hell to pay. Once you get to know her though, she's very sweet and has an all encompassing attitude; like mind control.

Notes
—————
Lemmon style proofs

& introduction

(1) 1. A Premise
(2) 2. B Premise
(1,2) 3. A & B &Introduction on 1 and 2

v introduction

(1) 1. A Premise
(1) 2. A v B vIntroduction on 1

E introduction (I can't make the E backward easily)

(1) 1. Px Premise
(1) 2. (Ex)Px E Introduction on 1

A introduction (I can't make the A upside down easily)

(1) 1. (Ax)Px Premise
(1) 2. Pa A elimination on 1
(1) 3. (Ay)Py A introduction on 2

Generally by truth, I mean truth transmitting for nitpickers. I apologise if the analogy got a little cockeyed towards the end.


November 27, 2004

Radio killed the blog star

Radio Warwick 1251AM

Is the student radio station of choice, where you can hear the dulcet tones of my good self (if I'm guesting), the amazing comedy stylings of Carly Jenkins, the master of the music, the mighty Greg Jones (not that Greg Jones) and the grand overlord himself; Gavin "The Nutter" Rutter.

All available delievered to your desktop or AM radio, every sunday between 12 and 1 o'clock. It would be wrong in so many ways to miss it. So set your alarms for 5 to 12, enjoy your lie in, and then switch on to "All Day Breakfast".

We desire your request emails and amusing comments sent to:

studio@radio.warwick.ac.uk


Satan returns

Is the name of a video I have on my shelf, its not a very good video but I was sold on its name, its cheapness and the promise of the summary text on the back.

This was not the attitude I took to choosing my location this evening, I had pinned to my wall a piece of paper that said:

"FRIDAY
NEXT WEEK
6.45
STEWARDIN"

I'm not sure why I didn't finish off the word 'stewarding', or why I wrote to myself in all capitals but most of all I had no idea why I hadn't recorded what on earth I was supposed to be stewarding. So I went of to campus this evening with nothing other than the vague recollection that it was 'something musical'.

Getting to campus was, as is often the case, a sticky buisness. Arriving at the bus stop exactly one hour before I had to be on campus on a weekday evening would usually be enough to arrive on time. Circumstances, however, were not kind. The first bus to arrive was of course stuffed to the rafters with students and decided to stop and tell us that they couldn't possibly cram in any more as they were already running out of air. This was not apprieciated by anyone waiting in the freezing cold, but was a particular frustration to a gentlemen I will kindly refer to as "Mr. Utterly Insane".

This fellow first brought himself to my attention when the first bus pulled away, distinguishing himself by swearing at the driver, kicking the moving bus and finishing with a coup de grace of spitting on the bus window. These acts of rebellion against the system however were not enough to sate him however and he proceeded to move through all the bus shelters at Hearsall Common delivering regular kicks, all the while chanting to himself a bizarre mantra of "Fucking shitty area, fucking shitty buses, fucking shitty students" over and over again. To round off this attractive package was what I can only describe as a delicious odour, delicious that is, to a carrion bird.

Luckily time eventually moved on and a bus did finally get me to campus. Of course, clever me had decided to save some time and combine this working trip with a trip to hand in my latest assignment to the Computer Science building. What clever me had not anticipated was the computer science department deciding to restrict my access to the building to daylight hours. I don't know if they just figured that anyone who studies philosophy must turn into a gremlin at night or that I looked like the kind of guy whoe would turn up drunk and urinate on their servers. Whatever the reason, I can only access the building before the hour of 5 o'clock, and with this fact staring me in the face I elected to abandon handing in my assignment and headed off to work in the Arts Centre.

As it turned out the show I was stewarding turned out to be the rhythm and blues musician extraordinaire; Eric Bibb . He had an amazing female singer in his band who really raised the rafters in Butterworth Hall. If I was a spiritual man, I'm sure my spirits would have been very much lifted, refilled and rejuvenated. As it was I just tapped my feet, clapped my hands and had a thoroughly good time, and to top it all off I got paid for being there. I love my job.

I've added a new gallery to show of some renders of my 3D work, for anyone who cares to see what I'm up to when I'm not making blog posts or doing interesting things.


Dan Explains Logic: Reductio ad absurdum

Reductio ad absurdum or the RAA rule is one that can often confuse the intrepid explorer in the realms of logic, which is a shame because it is really the fun, "bad guy" of the logic rules. Well not bad, he's just misunderstood he's a very nice boy really as long as you know how to use him.

The easiest way to explain the rule is in terms of sex.

Lets take a simple set of premises such as : "The sky is blue", "the grass is green" and "James enjoys having sex with girls".

Now someone challenges us to prove that "James is not in fact gay". Normally of course we would panic, swear at the gods and generally commit suicide; but not today. For we have logic in our armoury and particularly our good friend "reductio ad absurdum".

Reductio takes up the challenge and suggests we posit : "James is gay" as part of our defence (an assumption), this seems foolish a technique doomed to lead us into iniquity. Yet reductio is smarter than he looks, he has already dissected "James is Gay" into its necessary components; most crucially "James does not enjoy having sex with women". A quick comparison between the latest information gained from assuming "James is Gay" and the premises all sides have already accepted reveals a contradiction!

Reductio has pulled off the defence of the century, by pronouncing his defendent to be gay he has shown that this leads to a contradiction and forced us all to accept the very opposite of what he pronounced that "James is not in fact gay" (Sorry, James' fan club).

The defence rests.

————

Notes:

A logical proof in the lemmon system would look something like this:

(1) 1. A (sky is blue) P (premise)
(2) 2. B (grass is green) P (premise)
(3) 3. C (James enjoys having sex with girls) P (premise)
(4) 4. C & D (James does not enjoy having sex with girls plus other factors that make up his proposed gayness) A (assumption)
(4) 5. C & elimination on 4
(3) 6. (C & D) (James is not Gay) RAA on 5 and 3


November 26, 2004

I respect you alcohol. Lets not fight again.

First lets get something straight. I'm somewhat of a lightweight in the beer drinking department, I generally don't drink very much or very regularly. My usual limit before drunkenness ensues is a mighty one pint. I'm sure that the hardcore drinkers will mock me for my pathetic tolerance but I will press on.

Last night I was lured away from the safety of my keyboard by the weekly promise of 'curry night' a Wetherspoons run festival of food that happens every thursday in which I usually indulge in anything thats not a curry. Everything was running swimmingly the food was on time and quick at that, we found a table with not too much hassle and, most importantly, the first beer was drunk.

Where things started to go wrong was when someone mentioned another pub that had recently changed hands (The Malt Shovel), suddenly it seemed like we had to go and check it out and see if the handover had changed things from the good old days. Hold on, the good old days? This was to be the first time I had ever stepped into the place, this is the point where logic clearly started to break down.

Our group changed its shape a bit on the way to the Malt Shovel losing three members but picking up two replacements. The group was still strong, the night was still young, we were invincible and we marched fearlessly towards Spon End.

Entering the Malt Shovel I was amazed at its small size, it seemed like the two front rooms of someone's house with some beer taps fitted. It seemed to be leaning in an irish direction but wasn't quite distinct enough to have a real personality. However it earns lots of points for being small, free of pre-night on the town types and very close to home. It was here, where the path to madness really began as I asked the barman for that crucial second pint. Once downed I was over the edge, I was into the unsober realms.

As conversation moved on in the Malt Shovel it became clear that there was another pub-not-that-far-away-that-we-really-had-to-see. I also got into several conversations about blogs in which it was universally implied that blogs were only acting as a poor substitute for face to face conversation (a topic for another day). What was taking shape, ladies and gentlemen, was a pub crawl.

Some members of our party were now sensible enough to realise the path we were taking and swiftly peeled off. I was not among them, with beer fortifying our navigation skills we headed into the heart of Spon End, past the pub-you-just-do-not-go-in, past the housing estates, under the tunnel and into historic Coventry.

The next pub was called the Old Windmill. I'm ashamed to say it took me this long to discover it, it was a lovely place. Old wood panneling and fires all over the place and a really cosy atmosphere, I chose to celebrate its magnificence with another beer. At this point things get a little more hazy, I'm sure there was a very funny poster about local radio and that a football trivia competition was begun. I am absolutely useless at football trivia and in fact most things to do with football, but I agreed to keep the score. Its fair to say that our house's football expert was soundly beaten by the expert of another house.

We didn't stay in the Old Windmill nearly long enough for last orders were approaching and a pub crawl without four pubs is just foolish looking. I am sad to say I have no idea what the name of the last pub we went to was, it does have a very small room at the front though. I was so pleased, to reach this pub because I was somewhat in need of relieving myself, that I decided to give thanks by ordering another pint. That takes my grand total to four pints, which for me is four times over the suggested daily intake.

I'd reccommend this last pub, for several reasons. The small room (maximum; four people could fit in) with a bar in it, the clean toilets and the central location. I'm almost certain I could find it again.

It was at this time that I began to become wistful and I'm sure spoke about the future with great lucidity. Last orders came and went, Then we were eventually turfed out on to the streets.

I accidentally walked into a postbox the same size as me on the way home. Oh dear.

On getting home, we made sure everyone else was awake by making as much noise as possible and the house engaged in some highly entertaining mario tennis. Somehow a plate got smashed but all was well.

I may have accidently commented on some blogs.

I'm sorry.


Sam Boulby's Official Fan club

As one door closes another opens. We welcome all Warwick blogs subscribers to join the Sam Boulby official fan club. Sam Boulby is clearly the most munificent man on warwick blogs, he has raised many a hand in defiance to the man and shown more than one person how to open a really difficult packet of crisps. For this reason I ask you all to raise your arms and show support for The Man, the mountain, the anti James Hughes

Sam Boulby.

All subscribers will recieve nothing but hatred as that is all we can expect and all that we deserve. Focused hatred will cost £999 a month and will be recieved via spam email.

Don't join. We don't need your love, just your bodies and your money. Leave both in unmarked envelopes, undressed.

No more meta blog blogging from me. A proper update tommorow (well tommorow proper) when I'm less drunk.


November 25, 2004

BandSoc Night

Just came back from the latest BandSoc night at the union (I say just it was probably a few hours ago I actually got back). I think I will find a fair bit of agreement when I say that it was an amazing night of live music and probably the best one so far this term. Noone in the line up sucked, even the new bands were very together and sounded awesome.

I'm not exactly a complete BandSoc devotee, but with my handy housemate Gav I'm able to keep a fairly close eye on the warwick univesirty band scene. Interloper were awesome as was expected, it amused me greatly to see that one of the band had brought his parents along to see him play. They have a reputation for being a really nice band (personality wise) and nothing I saw tonight contradicted that, there was lots of enthusiasm and passion in all the songs.

The first band who I was initially unsure about while I was standing on the acoustically impaired right hand side of the stage (side nearest the bar), were actually very good as well, some excellent playing all round from the musicians and though I couldn't quite make out all of the lyrics from the singer this is something I've come to expect in Zippy's (Graduate Club).

The second band who I understand recently ejected their bassist and were looking for a new name played a very cool set, good singing and guitar from the main man with the sideburns, and their new bassist was amazingly hot. I have this thing for female musicians, and she could play that bass very well, even though it was apparently her first time live with a bass.

The headline band who played to a somewhat reduced crowd played perhaps the weakest of an excellent bunch (taking into account the inexperience of the new bands) but that is to take nothing away from them, they just faced stiff competition and they were still an excellent way to finish off a great night. The battle of the bands this year is really hotting up.

On the way back home getting on the bus it took me about five minutes counting out change to the busdriver in five pence coins soemthing which I found so amusing I managed to stumble and fall slap bang into the hot bassist from earlier in the evening, having not realised who it was I apologised and sat down. A few moments later I caught on and felt a right tool :)

Today we were supposed to have a house inspection, except that I stayed in and our house manager from warwick accomodation never showed up. After I put in all that effort and cleaned the bin… We have now decided to refuse them entry if they show up tommorow on the grounds of not giving us forty eight hours notice.

Chances of going to ten o'clock lecture tommorow : 0/1000.


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