March 16, 2005

Some reasons why I'm an awesome geek

I thought it was time to own up to my completely awesome geeky side, to anyone out there who I've managed to convince that I am in fact entirely smooth and super cool. I thought you all might want to benefit from my years of experience and become more like me, so I compiled a few points that came into my head:

Dan's Guide To Geeking It Up Style

This guide shalt take the form of a list of key geek elements that I've found have boosted my XP in the Geek class (multiclassed with awesome at level 12 – using the 3rd Edition ruleset). So without further malarkey here is the good shit:

1) Owning a book like this



This is a book that has caused much mockery because it features computer generated images of perfectly proportioned naked women. A book like this plays perfectly into the geek stereotype of lonely, desperate youth who has so little luck with the ladies he has to resort to making images of them on his computer and pretend that they are his girlfriend; and that her name is Samantha. That she hangs off my every word, really respects my C++ skills and agrees with me that real men use Lightwave. Yes, a book like this will do your geek rating no end of good. Other worthy books are a whole shelf of Fantasy fiction novels (swords and sorcery), many many books about coding and computer games and a selection of graphic novels detailing the adventures of Spiderman. I'm sure you can think of more.

2) An obsessive dedication to a television series



This is a picture of Angel; a character in the Buffy spin-off of the same name. This is a show which I watched every episode of as soon as was humanly possible (thank ye american episode uploaders), read fan forums about upcoming plot theories, monitored websites for future episode rumours and generally obsessively followed, talked about and thought about it, for its entire duration. Being an almost equally dedicated follower of its mother series Buffy the Vampire Slayer I was able to follow crossover plots and came to the show with a weighty knowledge of character's back histories. I theorised along with many other's on the multiple meanings of the dream episodes and sang along with glee to the Buffy musical. I just managed to stop myself from tipping over the edge and buying Buffyverse novels and other such merchandise but went far enough in that I knew the names of many of the producers and script writers. Yep, an obsessive dedication to a TV show or even film series (Evil Dead comes to mind) will definitely boost your geek rating.

3) Study Philosophy with Computer Science

Now some folk might like to think that simply studying computer science would be enough, and indeed it will boost your rating, but I'd like to posit that the aforementioned degree is even more geeky. It has been my experience in my many years of internet usage and hanging around geek power centres, that your average geek likes to believe himself smart and thus able to have an opinon on all matters; and there are no matters your average geek likes to have an opinion on more (with the possible exception of 'who would win in a fight between x & y' debates) than life's big questions. Studying this degree also gives me another excellent reason to mark myself out as different, not fitting in and a loner; classic geek.

4) Knowing the geography of a fictional place better than your own country



That's a map of the Flanaess a place I expect most of you haven't heard of, but a place I've spent a long time travelling in my minds eye through reading hundreds and hundreds of fictional stories. Meanwhile, in England I don't even know the name of the counties neighbouring my own. Significant geek points gained for knowing the geography of fictional places.

5) Be President of the Video Game Design Society

Its kinda like the top job for my kind of geek strata at this stage in my life. Making games for computers is actually getting a lot less geeky these days, cool people and girls are starting to take an interest so this may be less important in future years.

6) Spend more than four hours a day doing blog related activities

It seems to have become the crowning glory in my geek empire tying together all my other geek activities in one place of free expression. Being a 'power blogger' involves a level of self obsession, technical skill and dedication that only a true geek could muster. Consider yourself geek boosted if you blog after 12pm without having just come in from a night out.

7) GI Joe, Sexy Losers, Your mum jokes, All your base, Milkman, Salad fingers, goatse, tub girl, the onion, Penny Arcade, Megatokyo, The Framley Examiner, Something Awful, Weebl and Bob etc

Anything quotable, funny, weird, disturbing or just plain insane to be found in the minds of geeks and thus often all over the internet. If you know what some of these things are then you may be a geek, if you are thinking of the many, many things I didn't include then you are most definitely a geek.


I hope these tips can lead you towards ever greater geekery, a hallowed place where I shall await you.

- 27 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Disgusted

    I think your arrogance is highly inappropriate considering what you did recently. You are far from being the A word that you pathetically use so often. Wake up to yourself.

    16 Mar 2005, 09:31

  2. Mathew Mannion

    I find it highly ridiculous that someone could possibly come onto Dan's own blog and think that they have the right to judge him for his actions. Especially anonymously, of course. If you want to dispute Dan's actions I suggest you email him, there's a "Contact Me" link at the top of the page: the way you've chosen to voice this opinion (which I, in fact, completely dispute and if you knew Dan as well as I do then you'd dispute it too) is nothing short of pathetic.

    16 Mar 2005, 10:57

  3. Don't judge without being big enough to say who you are.


    16 Mar 2005, 11:42

  4. He's right guys, missing those two days in a row was unforgivable…

    I just hope, that in time, you can let it go and we can all move on.

    16 Mar 2005, 11:56

  5. Disgusted


    16 Mar 2005, 12:11

  6. That's what I do 'disgusted', I bring the funny when I can and I won't stop for you or anyone else.

    Its who I am.

    16 Mar 2005, 12:29

  7. Anon

    I'm not the person who put disgusted up there, but I think I know who did, and they were wrong to get involved in something they aren't directly involved in.

    I do know more about the situation than most, and from a different perspective to all of you. People have the right to voice their opinions anonymously, and the medium of this blog is highly appropriate if this is the medium through which the hurt originated, and hopefully Dan did receive an email earlier. However, it's a much more delicate situation than most of you know so I think it best if people refrain from making disputes public, as not only is it very childish, it just adds to the hurt already caused.

    16 Mar 2005, 12:30

  8. Anon. no. 2

    whats the goss? why have people been hurt on blogs? i hope such a medium has not become more than a lighthearted forum? play nice kids

    16 Mar 2005, 13:19

  9. I'd like to keep the blogs lighthearted myself, a place of escape if you will, but it seems I have brought this outbreak upon myself by obliquely referring to my personal turmoils on its pages.

    It seems that noone is going to comment on the entry itself which is a shame since I spent a fairly long time on it.

    16 Mar 2005, 13:36

  10. Gratuitous Abuse

    being abused on the blogs has to increase your geek rating at least 10 fold, it think it was all an elaborate set up so people would find you more geeky

    16 Mar 2005, 13:36

  11. Could I really be so devious?

    A high geek rating is indeed a thing of great wonder…

    16 Mar 2005, 13:42

  12. Well i thought this particular blog entry was really funny. I enjoyed reading it! Tis funny becuase I can geekily related to it! For example, i'm quite overly familar with the map of Middle Earth from the Lord of Rings…oh dear…

    (Shame about the comments on the end though.)

    16 Mar 2005, 14:57

  13. Thank you Victoria.

    You are a ray of sushine in these hate filled times.

    16 Mar 2005, 15:02

  14. I see your Angel and raise you the whole of series 4 in 3 days (during year 1 revision). I also beat you on point 3. The rest however, I must bow to your godlike geekiness. Although I think I could probably pwn you at UT2k4 ;-)

    16 Mar 2005, 15:46

  15. Probably, but I made a mod for UT2k4.

    16 Mar 2005, 15:48

  16. why oh why do i always end up with geeks???

    16 Mar 2005, 16:25

  17. Because you are very lucky.

    I'm taking back the word geek and making it something positive.

    16 Mar 2005, 16:32

  18. I used to think I was cool, once upon a time. No, really, stop laughing, I did. Shut up, I'm not joking. What the hell is wrong with you, shut up, I was cool.

    Well, at least, i thought so. I fall under so many of those tragically geeky categories, and, were it not for Dan, I would probably have killed myself to death by now. Those of you who hate him, bad luck, you're missing out on some hardcore loving. Disgusted, I love your use of the phrase "the A word", it caused me no end of laughter and diabetes (unrelated).

    As I, like everybody except Dan and a few ladies, have f*ck all to do with this issue, I will be keeping my mouth shut on it. I hope others can do the same. Go on, be a man.

    16 Mar 2005, 17:10

  19. Hey kid, all your mum are belong to the milkman, and that's how you were born…

    1337 g33|

    16 Mar 2005, 18:33

  20. shouldnt that be 1337 933|< ?

    16 Mar 2005, 19:23

  21. Marlon

    Simon, i'll see your Angel series 4 and raise you all 7 series of Buffy and all 5 series of Angel watched in 2 weeks, now that, people, is geek dedication, maxed up. do u think im bluffing? lets see how geeky your hand is, chump

    16 Mar 2005, 23:06

  22. Hahahaha
    ' caused me no end of laughter and diabetes (unrelated).'
    How could you ever think you were geeky Mister Hughes? Genius…

    17 Mar 2005, 00:12

  23. Marlon – I don't quite think I can match that, although I know someone who did a 36 hour Angel and Buffy marathon. And no, I'm really not kidding.

    17 Mar 2005, 00:14

  24. Tough competition; I can see there's some excellent geeking going on here. I'm sure I can edge out Lawrence on a few points, but sadly I can't say I'm confident who would win overall. Must try harder.

    (It just occurred to me that it probably helps that I spell-check all of my comments before posting them.)

    17 Mar 2005, 00:25

  25. I do that too, Colin.
    Oh dear.

    17 Mar 2005, 13:22

  26. I frequently show people my testicles – is that good for my geek rating?

    17 Mar 2005, 14:39

  27. no, that's just good for your criminal rating…

    17 Mar 2005, 17:57

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