January 22, 2005

Dan's Guide to Gravel

Last night, as I relaxed in my red, silken pyjamas, a thought caught hold of me. Could it be, that out there, there are a few unlucky souls who do not know the wonderful delights of gravel ? As I tried to get to sleep, not even the lure of the seven seas could shake the thought from my mind. I could not rest until the world is made aware of the true magnificence that lies in one of mankinds most sublime creations.

Gravel.

This guide is my gift to you, may you learn it by heart and recite it at bedtime.

Dan's Guide to Gravel

The first thing that any awesome person should do upon waking up is check their doormat for the comforting presence of the weekly gravel lovers bible:

While this guide will serve as a solid grounding in the field of gravel, its impossible to walk the true path of gravel without a lifetime subscription to this excellent magazine.

Some basic gravel facts:

  • Gravel adds an interesting texture to any sandwich.

  • The more gravel there is in the world, the less large rocks there will be. This saves lives.

  • Gravel saves time and money in the long run. When used in place of sand. On a beach.

  • Gravel can be mounded up into primative mountains. These can then be used in place of real mountains, if the real mountains need a rest.

  • X/t * Fg(n) || !fun == Gravel.

  • Gravel consists of: 95% stones, 3% sand and dust, 1% glass and 1% dog.

The phropecy of gravel

An extract from the dark book of Nostrodanmus.

"... then ye shalt descend from the beyond the beneath under the last mystery of great depth. There ye shalt renounce all the old ties and embrace a new world order of gravel. And the gravel shalt be strong within thee and thou shalt lead the people through the rivers of gravel alternatives and pretenders; to the promised land. There you wilt find the promised gravel drive upon which to park your BMW. And lo, one gravel will rule them all…"

Why gravel will change your life!

  • 50% extra free! Buy today! NOW! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU LAZY SLOB. GET OUT OF YOUR CHAIR!!! BUY!!! BUY!!!!! BUY!!!!!!!!!!

  • Buy today, pay next year! UNBEATABLE OFFERS!

  • YOU WANT GRAVEL? WE GOT GRAVEL! WE GOT ALL KINDS! LOADS OF GRAVEL!! GRAVEL, GRAVEL, GRAVEL!

  • Two sacks of Creek Rock for the price of one! I've got mine. Have you?

  • If you're thinking gravel then you're thinking "Bob's Gravel Warehouse". The No 1. stop for gravel and gravel derivatives. Like smaller bits of gravel, or refreshing ground gravel juice!

—-

Today's entry was kindly sponsored by "Bob's Gravel Warehouse".


- 10 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. I've waited all my life for this – finally an unbiased guide to gravel.

    22 Jan 2005, 17:42

  2. it makes me proud to be the owner of some gravel

    22 Jan 2005, 17:52

  3. I have no gravel, but noe I know where to get some!

    22 Jan 2005, 17:56

  4. I've nothing against gravel, but could you make sure your next entry receives sponsorship from Anne Summers or somewhere equally interesting?

    22 Jan 2005, 18:06

  5. I wish id brought some gravel to uni with me

    22 Jan 2005, 18:36

  6. Mathew Mannion

    Dan stole all my gravel and put it in his pants

    22 Jan 2005, 20:41

  7. Dan appears to be stoned…

    22 Jan 2005, 22:38

  8. Ahh a quality pun. Thank goodness im wearing these tight leather trousers as i fear my sides have split from laughing.

    22 Jan 2005, 23:07

  9. Best I could do, I'm afraid. :)

    It won't happen again, promise.

    23 Jan 2005, 13:23

  10. I don't really have a lot to say. Yay gravel, and all that.

    23 Jan 2005, 21:03


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