At long last the drought is over…
After reading the gnashing and wailings of a blog system in crisis at first I was afraid, I was petrified. How could I live without blogs by my side? But then I spent so many nights thinking how I did them wrong, and I grew strong. I knew what had to be done.
Thats right bloggers, I know you come here for one thing and one thing only. Frankly, its about time I took a few lessons from our good friends at Ronseal and gave you exactly what you have been craving so long.
Hey ladies, the awesome is back in town and he's looking for some special time, with one, two or three of you. At once, all night. Then maybe if you're lucky all morning too. There's plenty of time and I'll treat you right, all of you.
With hair as awesome as this its no wonder you are powerless to resist. A lot of people ask me what my secret is, well I'll let you in on a little secret: there is no secret. I'm all natural baby and ready to roar like a lion. Untamed and wild.
I think the holiday season has been getting everyone down a little. The air is all cold and chilly, its a bit lonely with none of your good uni friends around, and whats this? Dan hasn't posted his MSN address? I can see why you are distressed. Hapiness is near: email@example.com. Hey MSN not your bag? Why not send me an email: D.G.Lawrence@warwick.ac.uk. I'll inject a little slice of the supreme into your everyday inbox.
Little brother giving you trouble? Lost your trusty beating stick? There's no better time than now to pick up a sale copy of my bestselling autobiography. Beats the blues, and in hardback, it beats your brother too.
Thats it just take a moment, breathe in the fresh, healing air. People don't take enough time to do things slowly these days, too much time is spent rushing from place to place. I say; 'Hold on, lets take a minute. Hey I'm looking good, taking it slow and keeping it light, tight and pirate like'. There's a bit of a quest for deep meaning and a striving for whats underneath, but the big joke is; there's no salad, it's all dressing.
I have pretty amazing teeth. What I'm trying to say is, sure have your deep chats about indie rock and the meaning of existence, I'm right there with you. But remember life's a game, if you're not having fun you're losing. Habits are fine if you keep them brief. Being awesome is just a state of mind, a blind confidence in your self. Of course it helps looking this good…
But thats not the whole picture. The biggest problem you'll face is wrestling with your own loneliness, being awesome can have its own daemons. Some people can't stand it and they get out of the game too early, taking refuge in small comforts, but these will never fulfill you. Until you find your own style and are comfortable with yourself you'll always be ugly.
So maybe you're thinking 'what the hell?'. Dan's found some new kind of drug and he's not sharing. That's not the deal here. I'm outlining my manifesto. Right there, all around you, is a precious thing. Maybe the most amazing thing you ever had, its a chance. Right now you can change anything in your life, don't let fear hold you back. Except fear of big things that will really kill you dead. Those you should avoid.
'Oh dear' you think; Dan just doesn't understand my situation, he's a sadly deluded idealist. My strategy of just sitting here and taking it is so much better, its bound to pay off sooner or later. Then who will be laughing?
I've got news for you pal. This is the news:
Hope that works out for you, but if you get bored I've got a barrel load of awesome and I'm willing to share, grab a glass and drink yourself special. For now, enough. Until the next time my good friends, I've been your awesome and this has been an overload of visual excitment.