All entries for Monday 21 February 2005

February 21, 2005

Exciting new Conservative policy initiative

At a London press conference today, filled to the rafters with young go getters, the leader of the opposition produced another of his famous policy initiatives. Pausing briefly to lap up the applause he smiled and then launched into his memorable speech.

"The people of britain need a leadership that they can trust, a political party that stands up for their rights, and their needs; but more importantly they need to vote for me. We, in the Conservative party, have noticed that a lot of people are getting upset about a lot of things, and everytime you've spoken we've compromised our beliefs and changed our minds to win your votes. The louder you shout the louder we listen!

(clap trap)

Thats why I've decided to take notice of the opinion polls, ever since I've been leader of the Conservative party more of you than ever have expressed your desire to vote for Tony Blair. Previously we've been unresponsive to that demand, and for that we sincerely apologise. But no longer! For I have just been, and had my name changed for you, the people of Britain!

I am now Tony Blair too.

This doesn't mean a change in our policies, have no fear. If I see a passing bandwagon I'll still have no shame in jumping right on board, bedding down with students and anti-war protestors one minute and old folks and fox hunters the next. I'm still the same leader you've got to know, but now I have a different name. A name you all approve of, believe me I've seen the polls!

Some people might say 'Hey Tony, aren't you insulting the electorates intellegence?' to them I say; I never kick a man when he's down! If there's anything the Tory party can do for our beloved electorate we'll gladly promise it to you now, if you just vote for us in May. We think this country matters, you matter, he matters, she matters, everybody matters! I do the hokey cokey and I turn around, and thats why you should vote for me!"

And with that he vanished in his trademark puff of smoke, and the gathered bright sparks exhaled in relief as the future leader of this country left the room, and they could breathe again.


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