All entries for Friday 17 December 2004

December 17, 2004

The chronicles of awesome

fig1. The 'po' position

The Chronicles of Awesome – Chapter the first.

The sky was heavy with dark pianos, the streets flashed with forgotten memories of lunchtime and all was darkness. From beyond the hallowed grounds of yogurt, past the pillars of Destiny's Child and under the shadow of the valley, of the shadow of the valley; emerged a true man of our times, a man for all time. His eye was swift and cunning, his hands were dextrous and manly and his hair; absolutely fantastic. The name of this wandering hero? His name was Dan and all who saw him did tremble, for they were in the presence of a great one.


Dan came unto the market place and did speakest to the traders who did hawk their cut-price designer dressing gowns there;

"Friends, let us not demean ourselves in haggling for your substandard goods, your monatery exchanges will only make you appear slippery like the common eel. Instead give your money where it can be well used. May I suggest; my pockets."

And lo' the traders did abandon their stalls and followed Dan as he didst march onward into the dark forest.


Dan reached the forest where he didst encounter many curious and interesting fellows. The fellows lined up to hail his coming and didst shower him with flowers, Dan didst honour them and he addressed the crowd thronging about him thusly;

" Fellows of the woodland ways, creatures of the forested trails, people of tree-like habitation! Abandon your old ways! A new dawn is coming and I am its herald! Your old lives were mere illusion before the force of the future. Give me all of your money "

And they didst follow him.


Before long Dan came upon a man doubter, he dared to question the righteous worth of the mighty Dan and addressed his pirate hatted followers as if they be fools. Dan didst taketh him aside and offered to explain his mission:

"I come as the crest of a mighty wave, it will shock and bury many, its force as awesome as the fiercest volcano. The weak will have their minds shattered, yet the strong, the very few will prosper! They will be as surfing legends, astride the waves like the Collosus of Rhodes! Could I just borrow your wallet for just, like a second?"

And thus the doubter was swayed and became the foremost advocate of the priesthood of Dan. They marched onward.


One of Dan's ninja scouts didst return to the party and whisper words into Dan's ear. He noddest most sagely and turneth toward the throng gathered about him.

" My dearest associates, I must thank you for the time hast come for me to leave you. Do not despair for I leave you stronger than when we first met. We all must fly free as independent souls and lookest into the terrifying glare of the most horrific future apocolypse, and yet welcome it with open arms. May our paths cross again once more for you are all my most valuable companions. On the subject of value, if you could all form an orderly queue and place your valuables in the back of my van; thanks"

And thus Dan didst depart from his friends to Switzerland where he lived a life of great material wealth and awesome.

December 2004

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