All entries for Wednesday 16 March 2005
March 16, 2005
The smash of pottery,
Strength I do not have,
To fight lifeís lottery.
The pieces lie around,
I canít fix myself,
We all hit the ground.
I entered your lives,
Leave you with sorrow.
I hope to repay,
A rebirth of my soul,
And a refill of the hole.
I thought it was time to own up to my completely awesome geeky side, to anyone out there who I've managed to convince that I am in fact entirely smooth and super cool. I thought you all might want to benefit from my years of experience and become more like me, so I compiled a few points that came into my head:
Dan's Guide To Geeking It Up Style
This guide shalt take the form of a list of key geek elements that I've found have boosted my XP in the Geek class (multiclassed with awesome at level 12 – using the 3rd Edition ruleset). So without further malarkey here is the good shit:
1) Owning a book like this –
This is a book that has caused much mockery because it features computer generated images of perfectly proportioned naked women. A book like this plays perfectly into the geek stereotype of lonely, desperate youth who has so little luck with the ladies he has to resort to making images of them on his computer and pretend that they are his girlfriend; and that her name is Samantha. That she hangs off my every word, really respects my C++ skills and agrees with me that real men use Lightwave. Yes, a book like this will do your geek rating no end of good. Other worthy books are a whole shelf of Fantasy fiction novels (swords and sorcery), many many books about coding and computer games and a selection of graphic novels detailing the adventures of Spiderman. I'm sure you can think of more.
2) An obsessive dedication to a television series –
This is a picture of Angel; a character in the Buffy spin-off of the same name. This is a show which I watched every episode of as soon as was humanly possible (thank ye american episode uploaders), read fan forums about upcoming plot theories, monitored websites for future episode rumours and generally obsessively followed, talked about and thought about it, for its entire duration. Being an almost equally dedicated follower of its mother series Buffy the Vampire Slayer I was able to follow crossover plots and came to the show with a weighty knowledge of character's back histories. I theorised along with many other's on the multiple meanings of the dream episodes and sang along with glee to the Buffy musical. I just managed to stop myself from tipping over the edge and buying Buffyverse novels and other such merchandise but went far enough in that I knew the names of many of the producers and script writers. Yep, an obsessive dedication to a TV show or even film series (Evil Dead comes to mind) will definitely boost your geek rating.
3) Study Philosophy with Computer Science –
Now some folk might like to think that simply studying computer science would be enough, and indeed it will boost your rating, but I'd like to posit that the aforementioned degree is even more geeky. It has been my experience in my many years of internet usage and hanging around geek power centres, that your average geek likes to believe himself smart and thus able to have an opinon on all matters; and there are no matters your average geek likes to have an opinion on more (with the possible exception of 'who would win in a fight between x & y' debates) than life's big questions. Studying this degree also gives me another excellent reason to mark myself out as different, not fitting in and a loner; classic geek.
4) Knowing the geography of a fictional place better than your own country –
That's a map of the Flanaess a place I expect most of you haven't heard of, but a place I've spent a long time travelling in my minds eye through reading hundreds and hundreds of fictional stories. Meanwhile, in England I don't even know the name of the counties neighbouring my own. Significant geek points gained for knowing the geography of fictional places.
5) Be President of the Video Game Design Society –
Its kinda like the top job for my kind of geek strata at this stage in my life. Making games for computers is actually getting a lot less geeky these days, cool people and girls are starting to take an interest so this may be less important in future years.
6) Spend more than four hours a day doing blog related activities –
It seems to have become the crowning glory in my geek empire tying together all my other geek activities in one place of free expression. Being a 'power blogger' involves a level of self obsession, technical skill and dedication that only a true geek could muster. Consider yourself geek boosted if you blog after 12pm without having just come in from a night out.
7) GI Joe, Sexy Losers, Your mum jokes, All your base, Milkman, Salad fingers, goatse, tub girl, the onion, Penny Arcade, Megatokyo, The Framley Examiner, Something Awful, Weebl and Bob etc –
Anything quotable, funny, weird, disturbing or just plain insane to be found in the minds of geeks and thus often all over the internet. If you know what some of these things are then you may be a geek, if you are thinking of the many, many things I didn't include then you are most definitely a geek.
I hope these tips can lead you towards ever greater geekery, a hallowed place where I shall await you.