All entries for Saturday 12 February 2005

February 12, 2005

Why I'm not an alcoholic

Today I was accused of rampant alcoholism by some fine upstanding young ladies of character. I would like to publicly state that is is not the case!

Just because I occasionally like to sample some of scotland’s finest before bedtime and… where the hell did that camel come from? Get it out of here … just because I enjoy a few glasses of the most exquiste whiskey that Tesco can supply for under a tenner… Is that Nick passed out under the coffee table? Why is he wearing my fridge? I don’t think that a half-dozen or so glasses of smooth, delightful amber pleasure are going to do me any lasting damage… Not again! The next person who writes ‘TWAMMER’ on my forehead is going to meet with some serious harm … A large bottle of spirits a night is reccomended by most doctors, I’m sure I read that somewhere… Mat stop eating my carpet cleaner … and if one bottle is good then two bottles must be better. Right? wait a second, didn’t I used to have two kneecaps?

So clearly my moderate alcohol consumption is perfectly in line with what should be expected of any healthy young student at the peak of physical fitness.

Next week: Why I am fitter than most olympic athletes.

I really can juggle

I felt the need to show you this. As some of you may be aware I intend to live with Sam next year. I imagine the whole experience will be something like this image.

February 2005

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