All entries for Friday 04 March 2005

March 04, 2005

The disconnect

'Where is my mind?' the Pixies once sang, and its a sentiment I can currently agree with. In the mania of elections followed by reading week, followed by CS Project related 24 work days and my recent bout of a cute Pharengitis (thanks very much doctor, you're such a flirt!) I seem to have completely lost whatever routine I was drinking my way through before all of this kicked off. Lectures, seminars, reading and work of any kind have all been sacrificed to the great greedy god of madness, leaving me in a state of almost permanent confusion that I've yet to find the organisational faculties to penetrate.

I've often speculated that I chose completely the wrong degree, in other ways it completely sums me up and in still others it frustrates and bewilders me to distraction. I'm a naturally creative person, but for some reason or another I've never really fully explored these aspects of myself in a public education setting, prefering instead to choose random esoteric academic subjects and confining my creativity to private occasional hobbies. I wonder if my skills might be better honed had I chosen to persue some kind of formal training and yet maybe the path I have chosen has fueled my creativity by exposing me to such a wide range of ideas and people. I could deliberate for hours over these self-analytical questions, and indeed have, as I lie awake in the darkness alone with my thoughts.

Now I face the near end of the educational tunnel, my lack of focus on any one particular thing for a sustained period leading me to be unable to subsist in the land of the educational people any longer. Not to mention the distinct lack of funds. Instead I'm faced with the prospect of the rest of my life, total freedom to suceed or fail. Scary and yet exhilarating. I suspect I may have a different measure of success or failure from a large portion of modern society. I'd just like to be able to survive and have an outlet for my creativity, time to draw, make 3D models, write stories, scripts and funny things, learn an instrument. Other than that I'm not too bothered about where I am or how much money I have. Failure would be becoming boring and working to get steadily richer and richer and never making anything worthwhile or new.

I've been thinking about writing a long in depth look at how my life has changed over the past year but I fear I define myself too much through relationships and might just end up hurting people who I have no intention of hurting. Yet I hate the idea of censoring myself for anyone. Maybe I'll save it for later in the year when I've had more time to add perspective to events.

Last night I enjoyed muchly the performances of all at the final heat of Battle of the Bands, particularly the heat winners Replica X and my housemates band Protocol, who came second in the heat despite it being just their first gig. The result means Protocol will be playing again on sunday against all the other runner up bands from the other heats for one last chance to get into the final. The final which is on tuesday next week and something you should all attend! Thankyou to everyone at Bandsoc who make these events such a joy to attend, you're all awesome.

Tommorow is Saturday and I shall be spending most of the day on campus sitting behind a table promoting VGDSoc my favouritest society in the whole world. So come down to Cholo and say hello. There may even be some games to play. Magic.

(Dan this blog isn't funny. Quick! Do a stupid dance!)

Er… Check out my mooooves, wooo! Dancey, dance, dance! Shake that thing!

Blog social tonight, which I'll actually be mostly missing due to working Harry Hill over at the Arts Centre. However, I will be showing my face at the after show party in Crash so I hope to see lots of bloggers there too. Come along.

March 2005

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