May 18, 2010

18 May 2010

I am really struggling to understand why people scare to share their real opinions about something. I am sick of watching same scene of destructionall the time in everywhere. When I was younger I was thinking education makes difference , but today I do understand that education does not make difference for some people. Still lost of well-educated people are walking around with millions of insular prejudices. Also these people have positional power or educational power or financial power or linguistic power....etc. Still there is more doubt about their humanitarian concerns after all. 

Today we had the HOTEL case study.  In the beginning of the case our leader was so pushy and he has acted as a dictator to us. Some times he was so rude with his voice and sentences to others.   His  communication with the team members  was  totally awful. Most of the time he listened to himself  rather than the team members. He decided to collaborate with only one person within team. Neglecting other three members caused some invisible conflicts and bizarre conversations, that's why from time to time  I was surprised by his dictatorial power. This part is not as interesting as to be real item of on the agenda for today , because where ever you go , you might find similar type of personalities which give us  smooth and tender impression in the beginning of the story , after that positional power lets off fireworks  evolving processes which is called as turning back to the reality.  Actually deeply in somewhere  these type of personalities hide dominant side of their soul . So there is no point to add extra feedback about our team leaders, because It will be irrelevant remarks. 

In reality  today only one thing makes me feel sad which is lack of communication and honesty  within our group.  Two more people were thinking that our leader attitude was strange and rude.  Moreover  they have complained about his dictatorial power , but no one gave him actual feedback. I was the only person who  gave feedback. I chose to be honest about my feeling. In the end I was the one who  had to pay the bills as nonsense talker.   

It does not matter what I am talking about , whether my idea and opinion make sense or not . At least I am brave and bright enough person to thank others or to apologise from  others. I am not trying to make something more complicated than actual basic form.  I am here from the bottom of my heart which will be good enough to learn something from mistakes...

Frankly I am feeling tried to turn over and over within same endless circus show.... In the end I come out against this falsity....

Tired with all these, for restful death I cry, 
As, to behold desert a beggar born, 
And needy nothing trimm'd in jollity, 
And purest faith unhappily forsworn, 
And guilded honour shamefully misplaced, 
And maiden virtue rudely strumpeted, 
And right perfection wrongfully disgraced,
And strength by limping sway disabled, 
And art made tongue-tied by authority, 
And folly doctor-like controlling skill, 
And simple truth miscall'd simplicity, 
And captive good attending captain ill: 
Tired with all these, from these would I be gone,
Save that, to die, I leave my love alone.

Shakespeare 66 sonnets

- 5 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Very detailed feedback ….

    Little use of positional power to tighten the strings within the un-noticeable limits may help. Although I didn’t try that as my team had fun and I took this as another experiment but on the other side, I think, we could have different results if things were treated differently.

    19 May 2010, 05:40

  2. Paul Roberts

    Demet, a passionate and heartfelt reflection on your experience yesterday. Please see my comment in Bonita’s blog concerning the use of an autocratic style rather than positional power.

    I strongly sense your frustration in that what you perceive as honest feedback makes you the lone voice in the team. Is this perhaps because others feel threatened by criticism and therefore are not prepared to criticize, particularly in public? Is this critical feedback seen to be negative and confrontational, no matter what the intent behind the criticism is?

    You may wish to consider a different approach if you are not getting success with your direct, honest feedback. This morning you will have attended the coaching session run by Graeme Knowles. Did this provide ideas for an alternative approach? Rather than telling what you see in others, through a coaching approach enable them to see and understand the impact of their actions on you and other members of the team. Knowledge and understanding gained through self-discovery is usually more powerful because it cannot simply be dismissed, unlike comments made by other people. What do you think?

    19 May 2010, 08:18

  3. Hey dear, you didn’t come to class today?!! I do really care about your feeling, i really hope that you feel alright.. and the absence of today wasn’t because of just the hotel activity.. Actually, i was fustrated at the beginning as well, think back calmly.. the whole process of this activity, we have learnt alot.. well mayb we were not good enough to achieve good performance, but at least we learnt something, did get something out of it.. is that not everyone can match with each other..

    Simple as that, its more like a “key n lock” theory.. some keys could never fit into the locks.. So what can we do?? option 1) leave it, coz u don’t bother that much anywayz… option 2) coz you care about this person, you suddenly feel that you have the responsibility in telling her/ his in order to make improvement.. but bear in mind.. you can hardly change one’s attitude.. what you can do is to take something out of it, learnt from experience.. and when you are calm, think back.. its not a big deal really .. Who cares in the end? you not facing the person for the entire life , right? so is it worth to become fustrated coz of this silly matter? which is just a game?!

    Its been so nice to meet you in this module, i hope to see you tomorrow!! its our last day!!!
    So we should accomplish it with JOY!!! :P

    21 May 2010, 02:35

  4. by the way.. I would like to say .. you are a very charming and cheerful lady!!!

    Cheer up!!!

    21 May 2010, 02:37

  5. Demet,

    I personaly feel, feedback is very important for every leader to be effective.And your say to your leader will definately make him learn good in life and change his leadership style. but at the same time, it is very important to know how, when and where the feedbacks are given. Sometimes they need to be personal and sometimes in public i feel. And being direct to person, that really helps a lot. So you are one such person who is helping somebody to learn and change which is good.

    So cheers!!

    22 May 2010, 13:17

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