November 22, 2004

Prof. Brad Jockowitz's Guide to Limey Love

"Howdy there, London! Many thanks to my good buddy Daniel for letting me post on his blog! Who am I, you ask? Well, here's my full title:

Professor Brad Jockowitz (disgraced), Department of Relationship Studies, Jesse Helms Memorial Girls' Dorm, Duke University, NC.

That's right folks, the good old US of A! Now, I've gotten you lucky Limeys a sneak peek at my new paper, to be published in Relationships Quarterly next month (also syndicated to GQ and New Woman). It's entitled "A Definitive Guide to the Approaches of British Men and Women to the Opposite Sex". And here it is (abridged)...

After months and months of extensive research, these are my findings: basically, everybody has four different attitudes towards members of the opposite sex.

How men see women
'Fancy' = in love with.
'Would' = wouldn't say 'no', after a few, like.
'Like' = a cool girl – to have a pint with – you know. No chance.
'Who?' = lacks looks and personality, ergo he will never talk to her.

How women see men
'Like' = in love with.
'Fancy' = wouldn't say 'no', after a few, like.
'Sweet' = harmless. No chance.
'Psycho' = scares her.

Well, that's how it seems to me (and Daniel concurs). As you can see, there is potential for enormous amounts of confusion – often with hilarious consequences! But usually without.

Now, you may be wondering why I, a superior and insular American, can be fagged to study this type of behaviour over in England? Well, to be honest, the behaviour on our side of the Pond is damned boring. You've seen shows like the O.C., right? Well, by watching that you'll know that Americans are all too hot to consider anything but fucking everyone else, excepting family of course. Although…

'Til next time, brush those teeth!
Brad xx"

[editor's note: apologies – I can't sleep.]

- 4 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. I greatly admire your journal ( link ), especailly the soundtrack, which is especially profound.

    22 Nov 2004, 04:14

  2. Milly

    I don't think you've cracked the code, just yet. But hi-lighting the differences is a step in the right direction- well done you.

    I would suggest that you replace fancy with like, as fancy is people you blantantly would if given the chance. Mayhaps we have more levels than you males.

    The people I hang round with use the word love when in love. As it saves on confusion.

    Keep chillin' till Spring Break Brad

    22 Nov 2004, 04:19

  3. Okay, as the prof tries to catch the last Greyhound to New York in an attempt to stop his article going to press, he asked me to relate the following:

    Charles: riiiiight.

    Milly: He sees your point about 'in love with' – rather than actually courting, this describes the stage at which the subject is infatuated with, smitten by, etc. the object. He hopes that clarifies.

    22 Nov 2004, 11:34

  4. Barry S. Loner

    I can concur with the "sweet" theory. It also extends to 'nice' 'cute' and 'he reminds me of my little brother'.

    22 Nov 2004, 15:26

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