November 08, 2004

Fat But…

While rooting around My Documents, trying to avoid work, I unearthed this from earlier this year, and felt it warranted not only a blog entry, but a brand new category. Enjoy!

See I reckon you're about 14 or 16
Maybe even 17 and a half in four pies time
That blue Topshop top you've got on is too small
Too much fake tan but itís no distraction at all
See thereís one little thing that you might be
Really, really, really, really sensitive about
What Iím trying to say is you are really fat
But my gosh you donít even know that

I'm not trying to pull you
Even though youíd like me to
I think you are really fat
You're fat but my gosh you donít know that

So when I noticed you standing there with your hoard
Salivating over what was on the board
I wondered how many burgers and chips
The shrapnel in your little purse could afford
When I noticed out the corner of my eye
Peeking out of your skirt
The most hideous cellulite
I left because Ė now I donít want to sound rude
But the sight of it really put me off my food

I'm not trying to pull you
Even though youíd like me to
I think you are really fat
You're fat but my gosh you donít know that

Whoa! Leave it out
Are you eating something?
Leave it out
We cannot have you eating out this establishment
S'not worth it love, just leave it
Donít want one – keep your chips
Donít want one, look Iím alright I donít want one

For a while there I was thinking yeah but what if?
You kept on stuffing your face with all those chips
Would there come a point where youíd just explode?
Wait a minute I am being way too childish
Donít know why Iím so concerned about your health but
You should really cut down on your porklife, love
Cos look, yeah, you are fat
And I certainly donít want it,
But I canít stop you queuing to get chips and more chips

I'm not trying to pull you
Even though youíd like me to
I think you are really fat
You're fat but my gosh you donít know that

Oi, just as you started on your third and final course
Guzzling away your little doughnuts like a horse
I was planning my swift exit from this place
But your chunky frame was blocking the gates
Forcing me to engage you in conversation once again
How come you couldnít pick on any other men?
Thereís guys out there who think a holeís a goal
Just say youíre up for it and then youíre sold

I'm not trying to pull you
Even though youíd like me to
I think you are really fat
You're fat but my gosh you donít know that

What did I tell you loveÖ I've got a girlfriend anyway
We're all a bit drunk, yeah you've had a few full plates
I really got to go and catch up with my mates
Finally! Iíve escaped! Yes, yes, oh yay!

I didnít fancy you at all you know, I really must say
I would rather Iíd been mugged than see you on display
But this is just another case of female stopping play
On an otherwise total result of a holiday

I'm not trying to pull you
Even though youíd like me to
I think you are really fat
You're fat but my gosh you donít know that

Words: Daniel Wilson Craw. Music: Mike Skinner


- 4 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Brilliant

    08 Nov 2004, 23:08

  2. Ruddy marvelous

    08 Nov 2004, 23:48

  3. Ha ha!!
    ps I've seen that girl, sometimes she wears a thong hanging out her jeans and theres an attractive wodge of fat bulging from between the top of her jeans and the point where her 2 sizes too small thong digs into her stretch marked flesh. Nice.

    09 Nov 2004, 01:27

  4. lol, thats jus harsh mate…...................but oh so funny!!

    16 Nov 2004, 00:09


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