February 16, 2011

Remember The River

Remember The River

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  1. Cynthia Miller

    I really really like this Dan, especially “Effortless. Looking from sky to the ground” and the stanza of “Not a care…” A few things though: the question mark after “precariously”, I think, places too much emphasis on that one word (ironically throwing off the balance of the poem) and detracts from the sentence. The image of devouring water isn’t given enough weight – and it’s a beautiful image.

    Additionally, the final stanza has this elegiac, feeling of falling that doesn’t quite work with how you’ve built up the poem up to that point. The final line of the previous stanza – “No doubt she is blessed” – is lovely and vague enough for me to wonder how you could elaborate and expand on that, but you then return to previously used images that don’t really conclude anything. Nothing against repetition, but unless there’s some sort of change, it’s a total poetic tease, leaving the reader wanting more. Maybe this is also because the final stanza has one less line? Anyhoo, just stuff to think about.

    20 Feb 2011, 19:54

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