Extradition
Long pause as though the culmination of an argument.
I signed it Whatever it was Then they just let me go
Straight away No punches no chubby hands around my throat.
Then I was out of there None-the-fucking-wiser no.
They kept saying your name it was the only English word.
Lose control for a second They smacked me they beat me hard.
It was the massive one I saw first in that fucking shirt.
There were five of them staring me down like a little rat.
I stumbled around the kitchen looking for an escape
Ran at fatty thought that maybe he’d tip over and fall,
It was like what’s the metaphor? Running into a wall.
Pause. Shift in tone. Contemplative. Solitude, hate, rape.
Nothing is more isolating than to hear a man scream.
But this was fucking, search for words, surrounded seclusion.
Sounds of keys, footsteps, shouting, hands dragging me to my feet.
I thought they were going to kill me, mate, what have you done?
Daniel Piper
15 Feb 2011 23:15
| 
Comments (3)
| 
Report a problem
Loading…
Louis Bond
Really like the strung-out pacing caused by the enjambment – and the sense of uncertainty/not knowing what the fuck’s happening shared between the reader and the subject, then the gradual gathering of fragments of understanding. Nice one =)
15 Feb 2011, 23:53
Timothy Woodham
excellent turns of phrase (i.e. None-the-fucking-wiser no; It was like what’s the metaphor?) and I’m quite in love with the half rhyme “seclusion” and “done”. The broken-up metre gives it a very appropriately jagged feel and this is good. fact….
the words are, in my opinion, perfect, but i just wonder how this could be laid out on the page, as in experimenting with layouty things like indents etc..
dno, i reckon it’s damn good as it is but the physical aspect of how it looks on the page seems a bit too perfect (line-lengths being so equal and all). Still, if it ever seems that by indenting and sprawling words across the page is pretentiously ‘eghk’, then take my advice and shove it up my arse.
AGAIN, I love it. xx
16 Feb 2011, 00:07
Kirsty Judge
I really like the first line of this- it’s a really strong opening to the poem. The inclusion of what kind of read as stage directions (“Pause. Shift in tone.”?) give the poem a pretty distinctive style which makes it stand out. In the interest of constructive criticism, I think you could use this technique more- it’s v effective. That’s aaaall.
16 Feb 2011, 00:16
Add a comment
You are not allowed to comment on this entry as it has restricted commenting permissions.