March 24, 2009

El Hospital Nacional Adolfo Guevara Velasco



A couple of patients

A 24 year old man presented with crushing central chest pain aggravated by exertion. Dan diagnosed indigestion and suggested that Dave never again drink 1.5 litres of fresh passion fruit juice just before going to bed.

A 23 year old male student presented with scalp pain and serous discharge from the head. On examination, the scalp was erythematous and scaly. Dave suggested Dan wears a hat in future or at least keeps out of the sun after having his head shaved.

March 19, 2009

Elective Day 11

Today was a good day. First of all it was up with the lark – ready for our first day in a shiny new hospital. Pablo arrived, and explained our itinery – lots of trips for our time here, trips through the valleys, to hot springs, and of course a trek to Machu Picchu. When we finally arrived in hospital, we were told there was nothing to do for the moment and were told to come back on friday – just like any other block. So off we went.
With nothing to do with our time until our spanish lesson in the afternoon, Dan decided it was time to do something crazy – get his hair cut. Short.
With this delightful event out of the way, Dan and Dave decided to take a long walk into the centre, instead of getting a taxi, stopping for lunch along the way. While enjoying yet another lasagne, the boys noticed a parade.. or was it? Check out the podcast below for a more thorough review…

DB and DM

March 18, 2009

A surprising hypothesis

Well we are still having trouble with the altitude. Everytime we climb a few steps, our efforts are rewarded with a bounding pulse, and difficulty breathing. So how do the locals cope with the inconvenience of not having enough oxygen?

We have been reliably informed that the local people have a secret. And it’s not coca tea. Apparently, according to our source, people native to the Andes have “bigger breasts for breathing…” and gills! We are not sure quite what to make of this explanation but, should we find corroborating evidence, we’re sorry to say we will not be reporting our findings here. Its about time we had a Nature paper out…

Spanish, lasagna, and a bastard taxi driver..

It’s been a while since we’ve updated the blog with anything constructive so here we go..

The past few days have been reasonably uneventful given a lack of contact from Pablo. However, we did eventually get hold of him 2 or 3 days ago, and he assures us that everything has been arranged.. hmm.

Thursday night (12/3/09) was seemingly uneventful, although actually Dan managed to drag Dave out for alcoholic beverages, so that was probably an event in itself. However, on the way home, the taxi driver asked for some money to be changed for a 100 Soles note; the significance of which will become apparent soon enough…

Friday, and our second day of spanish (at 3 hours a day I might add), we attempted to buy lunch, with a 100 soles note, which turned out to be fake. Thank you bastard taxi driver. This is only 30 quid, and we obviously split the loss, but a bloody annoying inconvenience none the less, and a lesson well learned. Onwards and (literally) upwards (the palpitations walking up a hill are horrendous!), it’s time for more spanish… and an uneventful evening of homework ensues..

Saturday, not much to tell, except, of course, more spanish. Oh my god.

Sunday was a ‘lazy’ day, although we bashed out quite a bit of work. Boring.

Monday was, yet again a lazy morning – although this should have been our first day in hospitals. Pablo informed us on the Sunday evening that we were expected first thing on Tuesday, so just to take it easy Monday morning and he would come and see us. He did not. Instead he called and said he would come and see us at spanish this afternoon, which he did. He told us that, the following day, he would come and discuss our arrical in hospital, which was to be delayed until wednesday.

Tuesday. No hospital this morning, a lazy one, a spot of lunch and some spanish practice, and then on to, yes, you guessed it, more spanish. Pablo was to pay a vist, but unfortunately he did not. Then off out to the worlds highest irish-owned pub for a St Patrick’s Day special. Bargain.

That’s it really, watch this space for further developments, and of course, podcasts….

DB and DM

March 16, 2009


We thought given our lack of updates recently, and this being something we have considered at length, it was about time we added a list of quotes from the elective. We will update this list as more, no doubt, entertaining quotes arise…

“I am not racist… it is too expensive to be racist”
Quique, Extremely Talkative Proprietor of the Blue House, Lima

“I couldn’t be a closet gay… it’s too late to be a closet gay… I don’t
give a fuck, I have friends who are gay… and I say fuck it”

“I call her a witch… in a friendly way… I say… you are fucking
witch” Quique on addressing his wife and all other women.

“My mother does not like called witch… because she is real witch”
Quique on his mother

“Good night… I speak English?”
Dan’s opening line on booking a hotel in Lima (en espanol)

Further info…

Follow-up to Un correos electronico from Dan Border's Blog

Following this entry, we have finally spoken to the elusive Pablo. He has reliably informed us that we will, in fact, be heading to the hospital on Tuesday instead, and will pop round tomorrow morning to discuss our living arrangements, the inclusive breakfast, spanish lessons, and more importantly, the salsa lessons he is so keen to arrange.
Until later amigos.
DB and DM

March 15, 2009

Un correos electronico

Buenos dias amigos.

Estudiamos Espanol en un hotel de San Cristobel al lado de la plaza Armas. La plaza es muy bonita y hay mucha gente de Ingles. Dan es alegra porque hay muchos bares en la ciudad. Tambien la comida es barrata (el almuerzo cuesta solo cinco soles en un restarante al lado de la casa!!). Dan bebe muchas cervezas pero el adelgaza muchos kilos tambien.

Manana vamos al hospital y trabajamos.

Hasta luego!

March 12, 2009


Estate agent Mr Daniel Border gives a guided tour of the boys´new mountain penthouse.


We returned home from the convent to find Goldilocks sleeping in Dan’s bed. Goldilocks on this occasion took the form of an Australian backpacker. He had also, rather unhelpfully, piled all remaining mattresses and “borrowed” Dave’s sheets. Having dislodged the intruder, we tried to get some sleep but were confounded by the hostel “buzz”. Neither of us felt it our place to exercise our international residential authority on this occasion.

At 1am, Dan was woken by a vengeful Goldilocks who drawled “alright, you’ve had your sleep, now get on out of here”.

We departed for the airport at 2am. Dave forgot his shoes.

On reaching Cusco, we were met at the airport – thank God as otherwise, we had no idea where to go – by a man holding a sign for “Daniel Metcalfe and David Border”. You can’t have everything.

He drove us to a very spacious flat and left us with instructions that someone else would telephone. This reassured us until we realised that we did not know where we were, where anything else was, or how to contact anyone. All we knew for sure is that we were at 11,000ft, somewhere in the Peruvian Andes.

To make matters worse; the microwave, cooker, water cooler, and multiple lights did not work. There were no plates or cutlery. And we had no food. The only person to make contact so far has been the telephone company threatening sanctions for non-payment of the telephone bill. Dan placated them in near-flawless Spanish: “I speak no Spanish, only me, my friend and our no Spanish”. Needless to say they have not called back.

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