May 27, 2020

REFLECTION REFLECTION REFLECTION!!!!

I guess I'm not the type of people who wants to write or reflect much.....

For the past 24 years, I guess growing as a typical Thai people does not require you to reflect on your life that much (or is it just only me lol) For the past a couple months, it has been a chaos experience. With the COVID-19 thing, I left Coventry in such a hurry. It's like that scene from the Curious Case of Benjamin Button movie when Daisy (Cate Blanchett) was enjoying her life with her ballerina career in Paris and out of a sudden she got hit by a car and everthing just turned upside down.

Anyway, after my first blog, I went through several module that I did not put an effort enough to reflect them on the blog (but I did reflect that in my mind while I was sitting in the bus on the way to the campus, I suppose). One thing I know for sure is that MBE the class of 2019 has changed my personality completely. Before coming here, I have never expected to learn anything. I just wish to finish this degree as fast as possible so I don't have to carry on my parents' expectation and begin my career path of finding myself. However, working with my MBE classmates through PIUSS, PEUSS, Leadership, etc. made me relised that THIS is the life expereince that I don't think I can find it anywhere except in this safest environment. With all of the Q&A session, lectures, feedback, and reflection, I did and still do collect severl pieces of valuable information along with a magnificent friendship of my Phd Pub gang. (Yes that is the name)

Even though I have been forced to write a diary (which I can't tell why and/or by whom), I still hate it. (Yes I HATE it) However, I became realise that it is almost the same refelction session that I always looking for it at the end each session and/or module. So, what's the point of refusing to do it!?!? It makes me understand the logic of my thinking and my action. The reflection from others (feedback) is even better. I guess sometimes people can be blind and forget who you really are. They just keep doing what they have done and shift away from their passion and purpose. TBH, I do scare of formative feedback. I don't know why, maybe deep down I don't want to know what is my flaws and I might know that the person who give me the feedback is right. But not anymore. So I guess this year has grown me a lot.

It is such a difficult time. I cannot imagine to stay apart from my family and friends during this time. I would go mad if I need to stay inside my room for months. So I hope that my MBE friends who still live in Coventry not be so hard on yourself. (Yes I am talking to myself as well) Several people are very worried that they are not that productive as they should be. Guess what, so as I!

WE WILL BE FINE. IT IS A LEARNING PROCESS.

This two sentences always go on and on and on in my mind when I panic about my work and I do believe that. It is a learning process and we will be fine.


This blog does not have that much of useful content just complaining and a reminder that at the end Daisy stood up again after the car accident and she had a daughter with Benjamin (Brad Pitt) even though at the end her life ended up a little bit sad but that's the movie and I STILL HAVE DEADLINES!!!


- One comment

  1. Lulu Qu

    Hi Pat, again, it’s me. hahahaha

    This time is special but it might not be that special in our whole life journey, but because we cannot look forward but only look backwards, it’s normal to feel unsettled sometimes.

    As a introvert, this self-isolation for me is a gift because I got more time for introspection: ‘Know myself deeply’. Maybe it’s because I’m the only child in my family, and have been alone for 26 years so I just feel comfortable and enough being with myself. I tend to treat myself as my best friend, so that no matter what happens, I got someone to share with. Personally, I find self-talk is really powerful.

    But I also struggle with my productivity badly! As I said, I always treat myself as my best friend, so I rarely push myself and do all the things follow my heart. So my point is I am a huge procrastinator and I didn’t feel much guilty if I didn’t finish the tasks that I set . But I did feel sorry for myself when I have to stay up a whole night to meet some deadlines==、And then I will spoil myself again. Yesterday, I sent an email to my supervisor say ‘Sorry for my procrastination….and listed all the things I did which have absolutely nothing to do with the dissertation. hahahahaha

    I am sill on my way to know myself which is a topic I’d like to spend my whole life on it.
    Wish you get along well with your ‘best friend’ as well. You’re not alone, because we’re always self-partnered.

    27 May 2020, 15:36


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