All entries for January 2006
January 09, 2006
I enjoy every day. I really live every day. There is not much I cannot get along with. Life is wonderful when you accept what is given to you. This lesson I learnt years ago. Sometimes it is hard to remember, often it shows me what I have become. Thank you for being alive.
My memories are blurry, what I know I will never forget.
I heard strange noise, unbearable loud. I woke up, there were so many people crying. What happened? I couldn't realize but I knew something did happen. To me! At that moment pain overwhelmed me. I wanted to move. No chance.
Life ran out of my eyes when I had a look around, just a bit to the left and to the right. There was metal everywhere. It was very close to my body. I was confused and then I felt darkness. I didn't know how much time passed by then I woke up for the second time. The place was different but as curious as before. There were two men who took care of me and others just sitting next to me. I raised my head and looked at the ceiling of a room. A room with convoluted windows!? I realised that I was inside a helicopter. Before I could say a word I lost consciousness again.
I felt warm light shining on my face. I opened my eyes. Everything was white, I steered at the ceiling and moved my head towards the floor. It was a hospital. I felt nothing but pain in my head then one of the doctors talked to me:
"Mr. Schwerdt, can you hear me? Please do not speak. Nod ones for yes and twice for no. Do you understand?"
I nodded, one time, very briefly.
"I will explain the situation to you very shortly", he said. "You had an accident on the motorway. Anyone of your family is healthy and is sitting next to you." He paused and stepped aside so that I could have a glance on my parents and my brother. "You are severely injured, Mr. Schwerdt. We did the best we could but we couldn't repair the damage to your backbone. As a consequence you are not able to move body on your own but the head. You are paraplepic."
The vision got blurry. Tears were running down my face. 'It was a dream', I thought. Then I tried to raise my arm. Nothing. Then I tried one of my legs. Again no response. My whole life passed by in that moment and I was really helpless.
"Mr. Schwerdt", the doctor interrupted my thoughts. "...". I didn't listen, I just nodded when he stopped and looked at my parents. They saw how I suffered and cried all the time. Darkness.
The next days and weeks the hopes of the doctors were completely destroyed to help me getting back into normal life. The sadness in my heart often let him think of giving up. No future. No life. These words were in my head for a long time. But then there was the time to leave the hospital.
'What next? What can I do now?', I asked myself. 'And I baled my fists and smiled.