November 26, 2005

Short Story 1

Short Story – A Distanced Relationship in Modern Times

Tears rolled from her eyes when I had a brief glance at my watch realising how late it has become.

A hard-sounding voice occurred through several megaphones:

“Please attention: last call for flight 437 to Hamburg, all passengers get immediately to the corresponding gates; last call for flight 437 to Hamburg, all passengers get immediately to the corresponding”.

Looking at her soft and shining face, my girlfriend Jessika could barely smile or even say a word. Overwhelmed with recent impressions she could not think of leaving the island that seemed to imprison me and not knowing when we would see each other next time.

“Come with me”, she said. But I didn’t respond to that.

Instead, I tried to talk to her, I tried to make her feel better, and I tried to give her something to think about but moving away from me. Useless. I tried to get a smile out of her face; I tried to behave funny in making some mimics she always laughed about. Useless again. I tried several times. Useless at all.
It seemed to me as if the outcome of this was just the opposite I intended to do. Strange in the whole.

At that moment a group of travellers arrived, ready for take off. I looked at their faces and their behaviour. They were happy, I guessed. As a result, the atmosphere between Jessika and me became distanced and I knew what to do next.

I kissed and hugged her long and intensively while whispering:

“I will leave right now, please call me after your arrival, I miss you so much.”

She got rid of the remaining tears on her cheeks that were nearly dry. I saw her bright shining voluminous green eyes moving away from me directly heading to her bags. Then she said:

“Okay, I’ll let you know, I miss you, too.”

I was happy when I received these wonderful sounding words coming from her inside and just expressed by letting them through her lips looking red like an ever-growing flower and always able to express her current mood. I realised to cause her pain in leaving so abruptly. She really seemed to be left alone and said although I ‘m the one who stayed on the island and is not getting back home.

When I left the airport I was as pleased as Punch. It was the right decision I said to myself. She didn’t know that I would get back to her a few days from now.

“Tears will role from her eyes again”, I smiled benignly and headed back to my car.


- 7 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. To be honest, if my understanding is not wrong, I feel a little discomfort with this man. Separating is always sad, especially, from the person who really love. But he seemed to be testing his girlfriend's heart. She will probably be happy when she sees him again, though. If I am wrong, I am sorry.

    03 Dec 2005, 18:27

  2. Iris

    I do not quite understand the later half of the story when He tried every effort to make his girlfriend happy.

    04 Dec 2005, 01:33

  3. Iris

    I read it again and I began to understand. He wanted his girl friend to be happy. He would give her girl friend a surprise.

    04 Dec 2005, 01:44

  4. Jessica must be a person of passions cos she shows her feelings with tears. Nice writing! Keep it going!

    04 Dec 2005, 21:47

  5. I suspect this is a true story ;) i may be wrong though. What i understand is that he left abruptly possibly coz he couldn't stand watching his gf so sad, or that like Iris says, he's planning on a surprise for her. Or perhaps even both. Whichever one it is, nice writing style

    06 Dec 2005, 00:30

  6. Christian, I had to read this story several times before making my comment; hence the "procrastination".

    Right from the beginning, I thought that it was Jessika who was leaving and that her boyfriend was seeing her off. Read: “… she could not think of leaving the island …” And a bit later: ‘“Come with me”, she said. But I didn’t respond to that.’ Then her boyfriend says: “I will leave right now, please call me after your arrival, I miss you so much.” which means that it is Jessika who will depart in order to make an ‘arrival’ somewhere … and that her boyfriend will leave her to proceed to the airport check in … or which is it? Then Jessika says: ‘“Okay, I’ll let you know, I miss you, too.”’ which only confirms that she is the one leaving to go abroad; and not the boyfriend who doesn’t have to confirm to her about his arrival. But then the lines: “When I left the airport I was as pleased … She didn’t know that I would get back to her a few days from now.” tell that now it is the boyfriend who is leaving … or is it that he will join her abroad?!

    I couldn’t catch on the last but one paragraph at all: “She really seemed to be left alone and said although I ‘m the one who stayed on the island and is not getting back home.” Perhaps the “said” is supposed to be “sad”; and then the boyfriend stays on the ‘island’ and ‘not getting back home’ (?) whereas you just said that he had left it; and yet earlier you had written: “… she could not think of leaving the island that seemed to imprison me …” – so who really is on that ‘island’ – both of you?; and then you use the word ‘although’ which seems to brush away Jessika’s sadness that the boyfriend acknowledged earlier. I mean, really, I hope you see my points of view.

    In the last line, if you added “… although this time with happiness.” I think the boyfriend’s expectations of her being tearful again would read more positively.

    26 Jan 2006, 09:56

  7. Christian Lorenz

    Hi guys,

    yes that's right. Dina, you got me. This is a true story and has to do with my girlfriend. She oftens visits me here in England and it's always the same when it comes to saying goodbye. But fortunately, this is over in a couple of weeks and I'll stay in Germany for a long time (with her ;–)).

    In fact, with "the island" I meant England….

    Cheers Christian

    21 May 2006, 18:38


Add a comment

You are not allowed to comment on this entry as it has restricted commenting permissions.

November 2005

Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su
|  Today  | Dec
   1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30            

Search this blog

Most recent comments

  • Hi guys, yes that's right. Dina, you got me. This is a true story and has to do with my girlfriend. … by Christian Lorenz on this entry
  • Dear Dina, well, I always tend to write long sentences but your comment seems to be right. Had a loo… by Christian Lorenz on this entry
  • Hi guys, thanks for doing the ranking of my stories. I have to apologize that I won't be able to do … by Christian Lorenz on this entry
  • Dear Hasan, well, I called this story "Life is wonderful" because what happened there was a bout me.… by Christian Lorenz on this entry
  • I'd say ur effort on showing rather than telling for this piece is very commendable. well done! I am… by on this entry

Blog archive

Loading…
Not signed in
Sign in

Powered by BlogBuilder
© MMXXI