Seroiusly, I'm a coward.
I realised that I am a complete coward – less than 2 feet away, my cowardness outweighed my courage, which was already non-existent, and left me in such a sloppy ground now. I would say, it was a very big blunder, an extremely embarassing one, and shameful.
In the foreseeable future, I do not think I will be able to come any closer to a position than the one I am in now.
It was indeed a day with a series of unfortunate events to me, very very unfortunate.