April 26, 2005

Playing the waiting game

I hate the waiting game. My best friend has fallen out with me and at the moment I don't know whether she ever wants to be my friend again, I'm not going to go into why its happened. All I want to do is ask her if she can she herself trusting me again but due to the circumstances I can't actually ask, all I can do is sit here wondering.

I wonder if it is like Schrödinger's cat, perhaps she is both my friend and not my friend at the same time until the point where I actually ask or look. I suppose by that reackoning I should just ask and the question of friendship will be decided, if only things were that simple though, unlike Schrödinger's cat time will more than likely play a part in the final outcome.

I don't really have time to be pondering whether the friendship is over or not though, I have a large-ish feasibility study to do that's due in tomorrow, although to avoid work I found a picture of what I think Schrödinger's cat looked like (before it was put in a box and died of starvation – I guess time did take it's toll after all)

April 21, 2005

A small update on life

I have decided its time to try and change my routine… again! Mainly due to it being exam season, I am going to try and be in bed by 11pm every night and get up early, not at any particular time, but not late. Hopefully I will get back into going to the gym and eating better, especially now I have started cooking 3 meals in one go and freezing them for later, makes having a decent meal easier to have.

Not much else has changed really, still work at Asda although I have kinda moved to the petrol station now, its much better than checkouts! Car failed its M.O.T this morning, mainly rust issues, they quoted just over £200 to fix it, getting another quote from someone back home, probably end up having it done here though, anyway time I was getting to bed, don't want to screw up before I've even started!

April 19, 2005

Wow, Look at me!

2 days in a row, and maybe at some spoint I will actually reintroduce content. Hope everyone who has exams is doing ok at them, mine don't start till the 3rd of June, and go on till the 17th. Got 11 of them totalling 20.5 hours. Oh the joy! I suppose I better start some kind of revision some time soon if I want to stand a chance of passing.

For now I will elevate my blogging status by doing something big and clever, yep you've guessed it, a lovely picture of a kitten or two

April 18, 2005

It's time…

…for me to get back to being who I was, well not quite, I can never be exactly as I was. I will always look at women in a different light and wonder what my feelings for them actually are. I can get everything else back though, starting with blogging again, going to the gym, writing in my journal (no longer left handed as it takes too long) and just generally getting on with life.

So hopefully I shall get back to blogging regularly, I may even spend some time catching up on the entries of my favourite bloggers, who still stand by me and my blog despite how little I have posted, cheers guys!

March 16, 2005


We all make mistakes, I am no exception unfortunately, my life seems to be full of them, and they are fairly big ones, they may not be costing people lives (well I hope not anyway) but they are hurting peoples feelings, my own included. I haven't blogged in about 3 weeks either, this isnt really a mistake, just a matter of circumstance, I have had my other mistakes to deal with, I apologise to all my fans (yeah like I had any anyway).

I suppose a quick refresh of my life is probably in order, in the last 3 weeks I have done the unthinkable and fallen in love with a women, she is absolutely amazing but there are complications (isn't there always?), he's a small piece of advice – don't tell a women you're gay if you are then going to fall in love with her, it just makes things very difficult and very confusing for all involved.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't feel the same back, but she's fallen in love with me too, so you're probably now thinking what's so bad about that, well basically she has issues because I more or less introduced myself as gay, I guess she feels betrayed and worried it wont work. I just feel confused that she can love me so much but not want to do anything about it. I made it all a bit worse (or perhaps better, I don't know yet) last night by kissing her, she didn't push away, but now she's gone back to struggling to deal with all again.

Oh well, life goes on I suppose…

February 24, 2005

A quick stroll

I needed to get out of the house this morning for reason which I shall keep to myself, I thought I'd go for a nice walk so I started thinking where I could walk, I wast thinking of walking out Warwick way and them back via north Leam, I then thought why bother with that, I'll walk to uni, Its something I have wanted to do for a while so I did.

I left the house at 7:10am, walked all the way via Stoneleigh and arrived here at 9:40am, I'm fairly proud of myself, 9.5 miles (according to multimap) in 2.5 hours. Despite the fact it snowed all the way, and the lack of footpaths on the road to Stoneleigh meaning I am now quite wet I did really enjoy it, I might walk home tonight too, and walk in more often.

February 16, 2005

Treat yourself

Everyone should treat themselves once in a while, today I went shopping at Asda, I didn't go for much, just with the intention of getting bread mainly and a few things for my housemates. I wandered round getting stuff for my housemates and suddenly had the idea to treat myself, time for a nice meal and a bottle of wine I thought.

So I started wandering the shop in an aimless fashion, I wandered down the household isle and ended up getting two cusions even though I dont really need them, I also had a look down the valentines isle and ended up getting a little cuddley teddy for Sarah, not for any occasion, just because I felt like buying her something.

I spent a while deciding on a bottle of wine, then I had to think of something to eat, got myself a nice piece of chocolate cake and some Spicy chicken topped with some cheese and chorizo, and a small bag of baby potatos. In the end I spent abot £30, quite alot to say I only wanted bread which I actually forgot in the end, oh well.

The food was very nice, and now I am a little tipsy on the 4 5ths of a bottle of wine. It was really nice to paper myself, something I recommend people do more often, especially if you are single, its a good reminder that you don't have to have a partner to feel special.

Stay happy people and most of all stay awesome!

February 13, 2005

Looks or personality?

No, I am not actually asking you, the reader, to answer this question (although feel free to), I am actually going to give my thoughts on it. Had you asked me this a few years ago I would have said, without hesitation, personality.
More recently my views on this have changed though, I know that many people would call you shallow for even suggesting looks are important but they have to count for something. I don't believe you can have a decent relationship if you aren't physically attracted to the other person. Of course ones perception of 'looks' may differ from the next, so someone I may think is extremely attractive might be called a minger by a friend. Thats fair enough but at the end of the day it's their looks that attracted me over the personality.

Recently I have been thinking more about this, if one was not to take looks into account then the idea of sexuality would be less relevant, if you don't care what the person looks like and care about the personality then surely its irrelevant whether its a man or a women. You may be thinking this is what bi-sexuals are like but I don't believe that, they must still have a physical attraction to both sexes without knowing their personalities. My main reason for coming to the conclusion that looks are very important is that I have quickly become friends with a girl from work, she is absolutely wonderful, I feel incredibly comfortable around her etc, I would even perhaps go so far as to say she could be my soul mate except for one little thing, I am not at all physically attracted to her.

So if I am attracted to her personality and personality is all that matters then surely I'd be happy 'going out' with her, of course I wouldn't, it would never work, I am gay and don't fancy her in the slightest, its a really strange feeling actually, I definitely think I have found my first close friend, apologies to anyone who thought they were a close friend to me but I haven't felt that way.

February 09, 2005


I really have been neglecting a few things lately, I just cant seem to fit everything in. This isn't really due to not having enough time, its because I try to do them all at the same time, just before going to bed. I find it easier to do things regularly if they become part of either my getting up or my going to bed routine. Making them part of my getting up routine isn't practical, its hard to tell how long these activities will take and I like to get up with just enough time to make my first lecture or work.

So what about as part of my going to bed routine then? Well the problem here is the amount of things that have now become part of this routine; reading all my favourites blog entries, possibly posting a new entry of my own, writing (left-handed) in my journal, replying to the days emails and now I have the Warwick Pride website to look after. So with all these things to do its just not practical anymore, I always start the routine far too late, by the time I start I am already beyond tired, the last two nights I have actually fallen asleep during the blog catchup (thats no reflection on blogging quality btw)

The resolve? Well I suppose I need to start the routine earlier on, or perhaps do some of it during the day although some of it need to wait till the end of the day like the journal writing. So I think starting earlier is the best option, whether I will manage to is a different matter. I suppose I could also just get up later but thats not really possible if I want to keep my current attendance rates to lectures. Well anyway, what I thought was going to be a short post has quickly become quite long so its time for me to do other things.

February 06, 2005

Election Results in

Well the election results are all out now, you heard it here 2nd (as far as the blogs go)
Next years Sabatical team will be

Kat Stark – President
Brian Duggan – Education and Deputy President
Andy Dyer – Financial and Internal Affairs
Doug Kelly – Welfare and Equal Opps
Zain Hirani – Sports
Ed Longden – SSDO
Nick Seagrave – CDCO

Let me be the first to say dad luck to Dan, we all still think you are awesome!

Edit: Normal non-'election bollocks' service will resume shortly, back to just bollocks service.

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