All entries for December 2004
December 29, 2004
I was going to have a blogless day today, but some higher power decided it wasn't to be, I went to work knowing I wouldn't be back in time to blog before the day was out, and hence blogless day but I got to work to discover I wasn't on the Rota, because I am only temporary at the Sheffield store my hours are written down anywhere so there was a bit of making up my hours and I finished at 6pm after only doing 3.5 hours of work and getting paid for my lunch break when I shouldn't have done. Anyway this isn't the sole reason I'm blogging.
I'd like to address the Christian audience today, I'm not sure if I have a big christain following, but I know I have a least one. I would like to know what you believe about gay people. Would I have a place within Christianity? What exactly is it you have against it? (Assuming you do of course) Do you believe it's not natural? Would my only option, if I was to want to become a christian, be to totally give up homosexuality as though it were an addiction like smoking? Do you think there is room within the religion to be a practising homosexual?
Ok I think thats enough food for thought, reasoned answers only please, abuse is pointless and just makes you (and your religion) look bad.
December 28, 2004
I've decide to take a break from my silly entries, there are far too many about from the likes of Sam Boulby and others, so today I bring to you the ultimate simple guide to keeping and caring for a hamster, the UK's most ferocious pet.
I'm sure you are aware most people keep their hamsters in cages, this is essential, allowing a hamster to roam free could have devasting repercussions especially if you also keep children, if the two ever come into contact there would be a huge explosion, so keep it caged, the smaller the cage the better as hamsters are agrophobic creatures that hate having to move. Do NOT buy them a wheel for their cage, this will aggravate him as, contrary to popular belief, he prefers to sit around sleeping.
The next important point about keeping a hamster is food, all hamsters love indian food. They are particularly fond of a good curry, the spicier the better. Make sure to regularly keep his food bowl topped up with culinary delights such as onion bhajis, vegetable samosas, popadoms and naan breads. Don't forget to occasionally treat him with a red hot madrass once in a while to show him you really do care. Hamsters also need liquid as well as food, a nice white wine to complement the chosen curry should be placed in a feeding bottle and hung in the cage. It's is also a good idea to leave any food supplies in sight of the cage because they love the challenge of trying to squeeze through their cage's bars to reach it.
Once your pet hamster has settled into his cage and new routine you will probably be eager to hold and pet your hamster, afterall what are pets for if not to pet them? Always hold your hamster with a very tight grip as this does wonders for his little muscles which get tense from all the sleeping he does, they enjoy a small amount of pummeling to relieve this tension. When holding your hamster make sure to be standing and hold him at head level, should you drop him (as you are supposed to once in a while) he will have time to reach terminal velocity and open up his tiny parachute.
Now there are going to be times when your hamster may escape your loving grip and run off in search of a, more loving, tighter grip. The first cause of action should your hamster escape is not to panic, take a deep breath, go and have a coffee to calm down. Whatever you do, do not attempt to catch him, it's a waste of time, the hamster is a very clever creature and will return to his beloved cage when he's ready, don't forget to leave small challenges for him to overcome on his way back, for instance a lovely cat for him avoid being eaten by, as I said before, Hamsters love a life-threatening challenge.
If you follow these simple steps then you and your hamster should enjoy a happy life together, but there will become a time when your hamster turns against you, he will decide he no longer values your friendship and that it's time for him to move on to a better place, the little bugger will wait until you are watching him or playing with him and suddenly drop dead. This is perfectly normal behaviour, it isn't your fault, you aren't a boring sod and didn't make his life not worth living. The best course of action should this occur is to dispose of him under the bonnet of one of your less favoured neighbour's car who will appreciate the luscious aroamer of his rotting corpse. Once disposed of you can purchase another hamster and so the cycle continues.
That's it folks, all you need to know about hamster care, sorry to be serious but I felt there are too many hamsters who are being looked after incorrectly, don't worry though, this is my serious entry for the month, the funny will return tomorrow.
December 27, 2004
I thought I'd try one of these reveiw type thingys, as I don't have much else better to blog about. I don't think I'll be much good at reviewing though, I will probably struggle to strike the fine line between just saying something useless and telling the whole plot, luckily I've chosen to review a DVD which would be very difficult to give the plot away to as it's not that kind of DVD. Anyway I'm rambling, on with the review.
I bought this DVD yesterday, I was wandering round HMV looking for stuff to waste my money on and I saw this beauty for only £5.99 and had to buy it, god's hand was forcing me. I have been a fan of Dave Gorman ever since I first saw his TV show The Dave Gorman Collection back in 2001 where he went round the world trying to meet his namesakes.
His googlewhack adventure is a recording of one (in Swansea I believe) of the live shows that he did around the country, including the, world famous, Warwick Arts Centre last year. It's about his quest to seek out people who were googlewhacks, that is the people who's websites are the result of a Googlewhack, not those who's name is a googlewhack, you'd have to have such a strange name for it to be a googlewhack.
The show itself takes you through his journey and its ups and downs, all presented in his very comical manner on stage with nothing more then a slide show in which he shows pointless graphs and charts and pictures of the places he went and and the people he met along the way. It's very much in the same style as The Dave Gorman Collection and anyone who enjoyed that should very much enjoy this.
The DVD itself is also fairly decent; it has cool menu's which are more then just a menu, they are comedy within themselves. There are also a few extras on the DVD, one of out takes from the show and also one which has a pop video that was made by the maker of www.b3ta.com and contains silly graphics (see below) and a very catchy song to go with it.
The only thing that I did find slightly annoying about the way he presented the show was that he seemed a little viloent, I realise it was just to emphasize his points but it just seemed a little over the top and spoilt it a little and hence it's only getting 4 stars, but overall I'm really glad I purchased it and I am even more gutted now to have missed out on seeing him at the Arts Centre although I did see him at Top Banana afterwards riding the Bucking Bronco.
It's a terrible photo and could be anyone, but it is indeed him, he made an appearance after his show, and donated two free tickets to the following nights show to be auctioned at Top B.
December 26, 2004
Over the last few days I've got a couple of sexy new toys, no, that's not a couple of sex toys. I have recently got a new phone, the gorgeous Nokia 6230. I got it free from O2 as an upgrade, even though they did want to charge me £99.99. It's a bit bulkier then my old phone but it's still cool and has lots more features which I'll probably never use.
My newest toy which I bought today, well I didn't actually pay for it, my mum is paying for it, for my birthday, is the Creative Zen Xtra 60GB digital music player. I spent ages deciding to buy this and not an iPod, mainly because this was cheaper for the size and I think this looks sexier then the iPod, not to mention the fact that everyone gets an iPod, I like being different. The disadvantage being it requires its own software to be installed but it's a small price to pay.
December 25, 2004
It's Christmas day and I've chosen to blog about a wonderful subject, Homophobia.
Merry Christmas everybody, even you Jimbob.
As some of you may have noticed I have aquired a seemedly homophobic stalker, he has been posting homophobic insults on my blog, I have deleted alot of these as I don't want the Blogmins (a word I made up for Blog Admins) getting annoyed at me for not deleting, what may be seen as, offensive comments.
I was suprised to see jimbob's nice coherant entry in reply to Wellhard's comment (link), you actually seem intelligent, something which petty insults don't show. Yeah, sure, it is your right to remain anon but you don't really have much right to go insulting me or the rest of the gay community. I just wonder why you waste your time slagging us off when there is so many better things you could be doing, do you get some kinda pleasure out of making other peoples lifes a misery, or perhaps you just think we find it funny?
Personally, yeah, I do just find it funny, It's something I have come to expect and don't really care about, so go ahead and waste your time commenting, you aren't going to achieve anything, I won't become straight, I wont stop posting entries about my gay life, I won't get depressed and comit suicide. I have decided not to make my entries Staff/Student only as it's unfair on the people who comment from outside the university, so you will be able to comment to your hearts content, but if you post entries that are just offensive then I will more then likely delete them.
I wont delete them because I am bothered by them, why should I be, I don't know you (or at least I don't think I do) and thus don't really care what you think, as long as the people I care about like me for who I am then I'm happy. But I will delete so that I don't get moaned at by the Blogmins, and so that other gay readers aren't offended or upset by them. I wish I could understand homophobia, what is it you are so affraid of? Do you think we'll try and turn you? You should be grateful, because I am gay, there is one more women available out there for you to shag.
December 24, 2004
Yeah right! Christmas sucks, for a start there's always those old smelly relatives that spend all day comment on how much you've grown over the year. Then there's all the stupid bank holidays that get in the way of the valuable postal service, because of Christmas, even if I order the new Mp3 player I want now, it won't get delivered till about this time next week.
What is it with people? Why don't they want to work on christmas day? Why do they need a bank holiday just because Christmas day fell on a saturday, bloody lazy people. I could have had my Mp3 player on Monday but noooo I have to wait till wednesday or thursday now, and that's if I pay for next day delivery, hardly what I'd call next day is it?
And then if all that isn't enough there's the fact the shops are manically busy, people are buying 5 weeks worth of food in one go, why? Do they think we might forget to open again on December the 27th, after being closed for only 2, yes thats right kiddies, 2 days? I suppose the one decent thing is that their crazy spending means more profit for the company I work for and maybe, if we're lucky, more bonus for us minions that actually keep the place ticking.
December 23, 2004
This entry was kind of inspired by Holly's blog entries about 2004 although I didn't feel it appropriate to trackback any of her entries. I don't think I am capable of doing such a good job of it as she did but thats not important, what's important is that I get written down my feelings and thoughts at the time. I must also say that some names in this entry have been changed because it could be read by one guy in particular which may cause problems in our friendship which I don't want to happen. It's basically the story about how I felt leading up to coming out and how it all transpired for me, I know alot of people will not care about this but that's not the point.
I have been attracted to guys since I can remember, and I would also be attracted to girls, throughout school I never entertained the thought of actually becoming more then friends with a guy, it was more just a lust which I enjoyed in my mind. I had my moments with girls, very brief moments, and have been emotionally attached to one or two in the past, but I now believe it was a kind of false attraction; a want to fit in with the crowd, to have a girlfriend like everyone else, a want to be loved. I had the odd crush on a guy or two through school but it was never much more then that as school is a big place and quite a distraction. So throughout school I was just (in my mind) a straight guy who enjoyed gay porn as well as straight porn, as I like straight porn I had no reason to convince myself any different about my sexuality, I didn't need to admit to myself or anyone that I was gay (or at least Bi).
This was all fine, even during my first first year at uni while living on campus; I could still go on pretending. It wasnt until I got into my second first year and we were living of campus that I started falling for one of my housemates, who from now on I shall call James (because I like the name). I had been physically attracted to James when we'd been on campus but that was about it, but in a house it was different, it's more intimate, you learn far more about each other and I was wanting more and more for James to be a bigger part of my life, this lead to me being pretty depressed about halfway through the first term but on I went, ignoring it, just living with it. I was quite desperate to escape my feelings and be happier, I even started to look if I had a place within the christian religion as one of my housemates and a coursemate are christians. I had long discussions about the religion with both of them over the last few weeks of term, in the end I decided against it.
Because I was depressed I went home as soon as term ended, the friday night in fact. As a few of you will be aware I send Christmas Cards every year to more or less everyone I know. Few of you bloggers will be unaware that my brother and myself walked out on my father (my parents are divorced) and went to live with my mother, that was back in June 1998, and since then we haven't had any real contact and had no real wish too until it came to sending Christmas cards and I had this sudden urge to send him a christmas card perhaps with an email address or web address on it, leave it at that a see if he'd respond. I gave the idea lots of thought and even asked a friend about it, she was helpful but in the end the choice had to be mine to make, at the time I decided to send it. There was still one issue playing on my mind though and that was James, despite no longer having to see him I was missing him. The feelings were so great I eventually came to the conclusion I had to come out; I had to tell somebody that I'm attracted to men. For some reason I decided this person was going to be Ryan, I'm not sure why him and not Tom as I feel closer to Tom, perhaps thats why, I wanted to tell a good friend but not ruin my closest friendship.
The decision was made, I was going to come out; I knew who to. The next problem was how and when. When was the easy part, I wanted to do it as soon as possible; I had to for my sanity, but how was more difficult, as I was at home for christmas doing it in person was out of the question. I would have loved to have told him in person but even if he had of been close by I now know I wouldn't have been able to do it. I choose to tell him by email, I first text him and told him I wanted to confide in him about something and that if it was ok I'd email him, he said yes and told me he would check his email till after 6pm that day. The day in question being Tues 16th December. I wrote and sent the email, it was straight to the point, I told him I was Bisexual, after that the rest of the email quite clearly shows my worry about it all and my desperate hope he'd be accepting. Having written and sent the email I felt very ill, I could have been sick, knowing he wouldn't read it for hours didn't make things much better, but it was done, no turning back. I worked that evening, I spent the whole evening thinking about every possible way he might react (except of course the way he did). I didn't feel so sick though until it came to going home, know he'd have replied. I logged on to msn, it said I had one new message, it took me about 10 minutes to bring myself to open and read it. Once I'd read his response, which was the best possible response I could have hoped for, I was absolutely exstatic, I could have jumped around and shouted thing if my family weren't asleep. It was an extreme weight off my shoulders.
A week later our house got together for a meal in Kent; I gave Ryan a lift down there, I was nervous about seeing him as this was the first time since telling him, he was the same as always, he didn't mention it at all on the trip down there. The meal itself was nice but I couldn't help but sit there think how Ryan knew and the rest didn't. At that point I had to tell them all; there was no way I could have done it then but the decision to do it was made. On the way home I finally got the courage to bring the subject up with Ryan, to hear he was fine with it from his tone of voice. He also showed he was fine with it by having no problem with me sleeping on his bedroom floor, he probably doesn't realise how significant that event was to me, afterall to him it wasn't a big deal at all, in fact it was no deal at all. Over christmas week and new year I gradually told my friends by email and msn. There was just one person left to tell; my mum. I hated the fact I hadn't told her and was unable to, I had to escape the house, I needed to be alone, in the end, after work on New Years Eve, I went back to Leamington. For a second time email was going to be the medium of choice for coming out.
Looking back the email I sent her was actually quite a worry free one, I seemed to say it so casually and even made joking comment about her being old. It was nowhere near as difficult to send to her as the one had been to Ryan, perhaps I knew deep down there was no doubt that she'd be accepting. What followed was quite an emotional rollercoaster. Her first reply pretty much said she was shocked, didn't really know what to do but was ok with it. Then she slept on it, or rather had a sleepless night on it, she was starting to realise all the things it actually meant for me and for her; no grandkids, risk of hiv etc and sent me quite a distraught email, I replied in a very calm manner explaining how I realise all that she said and I was coping with it all. To be honest I wasn't coping too well with it at all. I had come out as bisexual and each passing moment I was realising I am actually gay, and was just holding on to the attraction to women – perhaps to make it easier to accept in my own mind, but by coming out I had enabled myself to start admitting what my sexuality really was. It was re-defining itself very quickly and that was really quite scary. We emailed each other for a bit and she finally started to calm down and adjust to it. All that was left for me to do now that I had admitted I was gay to everyone else was to admit it to myself, this is where alot of people think my method was bizarre and different from the norm.
From what I gather when most gay guys come out they've spent years coming to terms with their sexuality, they've experimented with other guys and just generally explored their feelings. They only make the move to tell someone when they are absolutely sure of themselves or when they are found out and questioned about it. I didn't do this, I had never persued any feelings realted to guys, never kissed a guy, never so much as tried chatting up a guy. This was one of the reasons I decided to come out though, I realised that I was never going to explore my sexuality unless I took the plunge and came out, that may seem crazy; what if I was wrong? well to be honest I don't know what I'd have done if I was wrong, I put very little thought into it. I just knew I had to make that plunge, I had to throw myself in at the deep end and admit to everyone else that I am attracted to guys, once I'd done that I could start my quest to explore my sexuality. In effect I did things in reverse order, I came out first and then admitted it to myself.
Since coming out I have been generally happier, I still have my down moments, but they are for different reasons now. I've spent alot of time since last January exploring my sexuality, the journey isn't over, I doubt it ever will be, I still have a lot to learn about myself, about my needs, about my desires. I do know one thing though, I don't regret anything about the way I carried it all out, I can't say it went to plan because there was no plan but it certainly didn't go wrong. My only regret is that I spent so long putting it off, I would like to have done it years earlier, it would have been nice to have all the stupid teenage flings and stuff but oh well you can't win everything.
It feels good to have put this all down on paper (metaphorically of course) and if you are still reading then i'm impressed and hope that this has been of some use or interest to you, if not I'm sorry for having wasted your time, one thing is for sure though – I haven't wasted my time writing it.
December 22, 2004
What is supposedly so magic about birthdays? It's my 21st today and I have to say apart from a couple of moving cards its hardly going to be remembered as a special day. Why is their so much emphasis on going out and getting totally plastered too? Is it so you can say when asked how your birthday was you can say "Yeah it must have been good because I don't remember it"? The last 2 years I have worked on my birthday, and I am doing tonight also. People tell me how bad that is that I can't get go out and celebrate (read as "get so drunk you forget the last year of your life") but to be perfectly honest I wouldn't do if I had the night off.
What differentiates your birthday from any other day of the year? Is it that night out which you aren't going to remember in the morning? If so it doesn't sound so special to me. Really the only thing to seperate a birthday from any other day is simply the fact that you're a year older, no great achievement on your part, if anyone should be thanked or made to feel special then it should be our mothers for their pain and effort of bringing us into this world. Fair enough that it's just a day to be pampered and made feel special but I feel that after a few years of receiving gifts every year it's no longer special.
It requires alot of planning and thought each year to make someone feel special year on year, each year they are going to expect that little bit more, if they get the same over and over that will just become the norm. It's a bit like Asda's way of working; they are continually trying to go that extra mile to improve customer service and thus increase profits, now thisis a scheme that was very sucessful at first and created a lot of growth but now it's become more and more difficult to please customers as they are expecting more and more each year, this scheme isn't going to work forever. Fresh ideas are needed.
Hmm, I feel I've digressed a little, I guess my point is I no longer find birthdays that special, a few cards may make me smile a little but not much more, I need something or someone to make me feel special. Perhaps I need a boyfriend? or even to just spend the day with a really close friend? I don't feel I have many close friends, perhaps non at all.
To all those of you that think I'm being a miserable sod then I don't care, its my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.
P.s. Anyone that has sent me a card or gift, I am grateful for them, some of them so alot of thought but to be honest not very many of them make me feel special as they are expect, surprises make me feel special, birthdays should be abolished and people should just give each other gifts at random intervals (again I suppose this is what happens in relationships, or should do as far as I'm concerned).
December 21, 2004
Usually i'm not one for waking up remembering dreams, last night was an exception, not only could I remember one dream I could remember having had a few. Although as it's now about 18 hours since I woke up I can only vaguely remember one of the few dreams so I'm going to tell you about that, I'll remind you now that my dreams are fairly strange in the way that major details change very quickly.
I dreamt I had a step brother (I do have one but this one was fictional), somehow he'd just come out to my parents (I don't remember whether it was my mum and step dad or my dad and step mum but either way they weren't either of my actual parents) over the phone I think, the atmosphere was very strange and they were planning to sit him down and talk to him when he arrived home. I was feeling very sympathetic toward him and very much so wanted to be there for him. I remember him coming home but then it jumped to us being at a party, he had his boyfirend who was very attractive with him, and Natalie (from work, as of yet the only character from real life).
We seemed to having fun and then next thing I know we are just about to get into my step-bro's boyfriend's car when we see this crazy women with the police chasing her coming towards us, I tell my step-bro's boyfriend to chuck me the keys so that she can't unlock the car and get away in it but she seemed to have a remote control to unlock the car and starts it easily (no idea how as I still have the keys), so we're driving along (again I dont know how we went from being outside the locked car to being in it but we were).
Somehow we managed to escape the car and all ran in different directions, the crazy lady followed me and I tried to hide in the garden of a nearby house but did so very badly and she spotted me and came at me with her gun (which she didn't seem to have before). I managed to fight it off her and tried to shoot her back but she pulled another gunfrom somewhere and we had a matrix style gunfight with us both avaoiding the bullets, next thing I know I've shot her, but I think I must have had to shot myself to get her because I remember saying to someone something like "Sometimes you have to shoot yourself to get the require result".
Thats about it I think, all very strange, and probably has some deep meaing and insight about my life. Who knows?
December 20, 2004
Writing about an entry you don't have permission to view
For some reason I felt compelled to answer James' questions, maybe its because of my undying love for him…
Number 1: Why did I bother to write number before the 1, given that it is very obvious to all that "1" is a number?
It may be seem obvious that one is a number, but what is it exactly? Try defining a number, difficult isn't it. It's really just a concept.
2: What is the most keyboard-shaped thing that you brought with you to university?
I would have to say the most keyboard shaped thing I brought to uni was my guitar.
3: Would you centralize all industry, and replace the pound with chicken feet?
Centralise it to where? The centre I imagine, and yeah I would replace the pound but not with chicken feet, they would be awkward to put in the pocket, a crows foot would make more sense.
4: Whose brain would you most like to eat? Why?
I would most like to eat The Brain from Pinky and the Brain, he's my arch-nemesis when it comes to taking over the world, at least Pinky keeps him distracted for the time being.
5: What have you found that you'd most like to throw at Elton John?
A boomerang because it would come back and I could throw it again.
6: What's your favourite shade of yellow?
Has to be the shade that illuminus nuclear waste is, it just looks so wonderfully apetising.
7: If you had the power, would you eradicate poverty from the world with a few nukes to cetain countries?
Yeah definately, in fact i'd nuke everywhere and then I'd be the richest, and live at the North pole in the really cool snowy weather, while the rest of the world glows that lovely shade of yellow.
8: What are some things that make people nervous around you?
Its probably my third leg, and my incredible stench.
9: What's the best thing you've ever eaten? (this one was too good to change)
Oooo tough one, there was the one guy one who tasted abolutely exquisite but I think fried badger was nicer by a cats whisker.
10: What is your favourite Emu's name? What about Coyotes?
This is an easy one, Bob, all great emus are called Bob. Same goes for Coyotes, but not cats, who ever heard of a Bobcat?
11: Why oh why did you choose the course you're studying?
I didn't, I chose a different one and dropped out into this one, It was all the alien's fault, I was having so much fun when they were probing me I didn't notice them programming my mind.
12: What's on the walls in your room? Why? (again, needed no changing)
Blue paint mainly, although there is the odd manly stain, and the occasionally filthy poster of wild things to cover up the really bad stains.
13: Why does Mathew Mannion's blog page slow my computer down to snail's pace? Anyone??
That would be because of his huge attractive mass, his page is part of him and when your computer loads it all the little electrons can't easily escape its gravitaional pull so everything slows down.
14: Which body part of your friends would you most like to own?
Sam's self hatred, I just can't bear being less dark and twisted then him, the pain it causes me seeing him more screwed up them me is too great.
15: And which would you most like to destroy?
Dan's awesome Gene, I'd love to seem him lost without his awesomeness, he'd not cope in this world, without it him and Sam would be powerless against James and myselfs attack, MuHaHaHaHa.
16: Who's funnier – Pontius Pilate or Josef Stalin?
No idea who Pontius Pilate is so I'm going for Josef Stalin, he was a barrel of laughs.
17: Have you ever won a trophy? If so, why are you blogging? Do you have a personality defect? Or have you been struck with a crippling disease?
I once won a trophy for blogging which is why I blog, so yes I do have a personality defect otherwise I wouldn't be blogging and wouldn't have gained the awesome trophy at the Jamesters (bit like the bafters but awarded to bloggers by James)
18: I'm getting tired of writing these questions. Umm …?
And Im tired of answering but onwards I slowly plod.
19: If you won £5 million, how much do I stand to gain?
As previously discussed as you are my self-professed biggest fan you are entitled to 1% of all my winnings, thats £50,000 I believe.
20: What is your favourite time of day, to the nearest minute? Why?
23:14 as its guaranteed to be dark by then, so I can creep around in the shadows unoticed, as I enjoy doing.
21: What is the best place to live – Jupiter, a snake-pit, or Swindon?
Jupiter, it makes nuking the rest of the planet much less dangerous to my own health.
22: List your top ten tips for a budding power blogger without using the words "blog", "the" or "blood".
The best tip is to ignore all the rules and blog your life away making sure to include the funny. Also killing all the funnier bloggers and taking pictures of them in a pool of their own blood shoud get you a few more brownie points amongst the lesser bloggers.