February 13, 2005

Looks or personality?

No, I am not actually asking you, the reader, to answer this question (although feel free to), I am actually going to give my thoughts on it. Had you asked me this a few years ago I would have said, without hesitation, personality.
More recently my views on this have changed though, I know that many people would call you shallow for even suggesting looks are important but they have to count for something. I don't believe you can have a decent relationship if you aren't physically attracted to the other person. Of course ones perception of 'looks' may differ from the next, so someone I may think is extremely attractive might be called a minger by a friend. Thats fair enough but at the end of the day it's their looks that attracted me over the personality.

Recently I have been thinking more about this, if one was not to take looks into account then the idea of sexuality would be less relevant, if you don't care what the person looks like and care about the personality then surely its irrelevant whether its a man or a women. You may be thinking this is what bi-sexuals are like but I don't believe that, they must still have a physical attraction to both sexes without knowing their personalities. My main reason for coming to the conclusion that looks are very important is that I have quickly become friends with a girl from work, she is absolutely wonderful, I feel incredibly comfortable around her etc, I would even perhaps go so far as to say she could be my soul mate except for one little thing, I am not at all physically attracted to her.

So if I am attracted to her personality and personality is all that matters then surely I'd be happy 'going out' with her, of course I wouldn't, it would never work, I am gay and don't fancy her in the slightest, its a really strange feeling actually, I definitely think I have found my first close friend, apologies to anyone who thought they were a close friend to me but I haven't felt that way.

- 6 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Mathew Mannion

    Chat to me on MSN sometime, I have a story to tell you

    14 Feb 2005, 07:35

  2. Jarva

    Mark Jarvis would always give me the love and attention that I need… Regardless of looks, or indeed, my gender. He gives me love, I give him money. It's how these things work.

    14 Feb 2005, 16:12

  3. I don't think anyone truly whole-heartedly believes in the importance of personality to the absolute preclusion of looks..I'm surprised that as a gay guy that would be your perception- I tend to see that particular sexuality (sorry, generalisation to follow) as being possibly more (generally!) concerned with appearance then any other..Or at least that's the vibe at so many male dominated gay places. Which seems pretty scary (am glad not to be a gay man.)
    And I think what your talking about is sexuality itself rather then looks.- The more I like people, personality wise, the more physically attractive I'm likely to find them. You don't find her attractive because of her gender, not because of her physical appearance. Does that make any sense?! Or was it what you were trying to say anyway?

    14 Feb 2005, 19:19

  4. Wendy

    I think your relationship with the girl is the same as when heterosexual men or women have mates, or friends. They like each other's personalities but are not attracted to each other because of their individual sexuality. Maybe you are referring to two different things in this post; physical attraction I believe is important when it comes to choosing a partner, whereas it isn't important if you are developing a friendship. Does this make sense?

    14 Feb 2005, 23:33

  5. Jonny

    My friend didnt like this lad. She wernt physically attracted to him at all. She then got closer to him and they became realy really close friends. Then she told me she was attracted to him. Can your personality not make you more attractive to people?

    30 Mar 2005, 23:35

  6. Debbie

    Maybe its just me, but I feel most people dont fancy there friends sexually. Physical attraction to someone usually brings about a playfull fliritation until it comes to the couple deciding if they want more. I truely think you have found your first friend, maybe if you take away your attraction to the friends you were apolpgizing to maybe then you would see there friendship to you, Nine times out of ten you wont be attracted to your friends. Attraction is everything when it comes down to a mate, no matter what it is you were attracted to , it got the juices flowing and most times your not looking for a friend.Hope I havent offended anyone with my comment,no harm was intended. ps…. Im new at this , What is my IP address?

    29 Nov 2006, 12:40

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