All entries for January 2005

January 24, 2005

Post the Second

Nice to see you again. I am, once more, sufficiently cynical to make my second post. So here goes with…

OPINION 2: Relationships And Enlightenment Are A Lie

I better start out by saying that I don't mean all relationships. All will become clear.

Modern relationships, as far as I can make out, involve going to a club or bar dressed in suitable attire, drinking copious amounts of alcohol or taking other drugs, and attempting to "pull" – which means having sex in the girls' toilets on the second floor of the union then staggering home. Then the happy couple remain boyfriend and girlfriend – emotionally until the next morning when they find out they have nothing in common, and ritualistically until a few weeks later when one dumps the other because the sex or the conversation turns out to be boring.

Quite frankly, if you dress like a slut and go to a poorly lit room with music so loud you cannot carry out a conversation, what kind of men do you expect to attract? And if you slick back your hair into a spiky monstrosity and wear brand name shirts, do you really think you'll attract the kind of women you want to have a relationship with? Of course not, it's just the sex. Man meets woman, sex, breakup, repeat until you meet someone bearable. Maybe this has to do with the high divorce rate. I'm just saying is all.

The worst thing about this is that there is no forum for people to dress in comfortable clothes and listen quietly to background music, discussing their similarities or differences. Unless you mean a dinner date. But then again, who asked you?

Moving seemlessly on, why do we consider ourselves an enlightened crowd of people? I mean I know I am. Some of my best friends are Irish. It starts with the people, and reaches rediculous highs in racists anti-racism laws. Laws are equal and reversable. So I can claim for discrimination at work because I'm white, racially motivated attacks, etc. Well obviously not, but I think you see what I mean. I've heard black people claim that anti-racism laws are racist themselves. It's not that we embrace black people as our brothers, collegues, friends, and peers – we have to. If we don't, and voice otherwise, we are breaking the law. I'm fed up of seeing posters, adverts and other media telling me what I must think about black people. That's the problem right there – they're just people like me and you. Well, presumably you. Frankly, presumably me.

It doesn't stop at race of course. We have laws in place to "protect" black people, minorities, women, old people, young people, disabled people, gay people, and animals. So let's discriminate against fat people, ugly people, and people with bad haircuts. Laws or no, we still discriminate.

What do you call a westcountry man that owns a sheep and a goat? Bisexual.

Now as a bisexual male who's current home is in the westcounty, I'm not offended by that joke. Not because I own neither a sheep nor a goat. Not because it's not funny. A joke is a joke, and I think most people can laugh at their own stereotypes. So I have nothing against jokes or even comments made in jest. Even so, there's plenty of people I meet that make rather unsettling comments about groups of minorities.

In these enlightened times why do we need to sit around and lie to each other in so many different ways? Hide behind our media-driven haircuts and clothes, talking about girls and cars and… stickers. If it were up to me everyone would be forcefully educated and any show of immaturity would be severely dealt with, to purify the human race. Anyone breaking this law should be dragged from their homes and shot through the head, left bleeding on their lawn.

Until next time, think happy thoughts!

January 14, 2005

My FiRst PoST

It is my new goal to create the least-viewed most opinionated and unreadable blog this University has ever seen. What is more I will update it at infuriating (in)frequency to discourage potential subscribers and chase away comments.

If you know a worse blog than this, please leave a comment on the page and I will endeavour to lower my standards.

Okay, here goes with…

OPINION 1: The world is full of morons

Okay, an obvious start, but I don't want to begin on a tricky one.
It can't just be me. Is everyone incapable of driving? Do women need more than 3 pairs of shoes? Why do I need to look like the guy on TV? Moreover, when the TV says jump why do people get out on the balcony and fling themselves off? It seems there's an inexhaustable list of questions I can ask about the world which can be answered with worrying simplicity… the world is full of morons.

Don't agree with me, though, until you've looked in the mirror and you can honestly dismiss any moronic behaviour. Do you get drunk to enjoy your friends' company? Do you think that anyone over 30 is too old to be cool? Look down for brand name clothing on your chest, or a cigarette in your hands. Can you defend those styling products on your shelf? Maybe there's a quiver of guilt when you let slip what degree you're taking… Sociolo-what? Worst of all, have you written a blog all about stuff you hate for people you don't know?

I think an inherant problem with morons is their complete obliviousness to their moron status. It's not limited to dislogical arguments, moronic habits, posers, yobbish kids, media-slaves, goth politics and George Bush. Far from it. Intellectual types, nerds, geeks and outcasts are just as prunable as far as I'm concerned. Not a nerd on the planet that I have met will leave you alone if you make a mistake:

Neutral Guy: "Well I'm not too bothered which I buy. Doesn't make much difference to me…"

Nerd: "Oh, oh it does. Oh yes, let me tell you why you're wrong."

As if to say "What are you, some kind of idiot?". Individuals are just as bad. Anyone who wears an "individualistic uniform" (usually involving a whole lot of black clothes or an unusual hair colour) without spotting the hypocricy has to have some kind of moronic tendancies. The list is just far too large to tackle. So I have invented….

The Logically Oriented and Philsophical Utopia Life Licence. This is a card you are issued with at birth with 100 points branded (electronically of course) into a chip, or on a database. Every time you smash up a car, draw graffiti on public property, drag race on an estate, sell illegal drugs, or anything that can be construed as moronic, you lose some points. When the total reaches 0, you are dragged from your home by a new, specially trained armed unit… and you are shot through the head and left to bleed on your lawn.

Hope to see you all again for the next episode.

January 2005

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