May 17, 2005

Everyone was doing it… I just wanted to be popular

Writing about an entry you don't have permission to view

Total Volume of music on my computer
10 Gig. That's excluding my CDs, and random scattered music, stuff on my MP3 player I got off ppl and haven't downloaded, files Winamp throws a fit over, and files I haven't sorted yet.

The last CD I bought was
Probably Jordan Rudess' Rythm of Time… although I have to say I'm not certain. I got Transatlantic's SMPTE probably before that rather than after, and I do now want a copy of Kino's album Picture but I'm too lazy and cheap to get it right now.

Song playing right now
My playlist is completely random. There is no song playing right now. So… I will open winamp, put my music in and click play. It comes up with:

Journey – Faithfully

Fair enough.

Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me
Feck, only FIVE? Okay..

1. Spocks Beard – The Good Don't Last
Damn right.

2. Heaven Knows – Squeeze / Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton
This sort of defeats the point of this excercise but these are two songs that hold nothing but memories for me… so it's not the music but the meaning of them that's important here. Both make me cry and I have a hard time listening to them – both for very different reasons… but, as all good things, it's to do with girls. Long stories.

3. Transatlantic – Stranger in Your Soul
I tell everyone this is my favourite song. Or I would if people asked. Okay I never tell anyone this is my favourite song.. and that's because I don't have a favourite song. However this song IS possibly the best use of hard disk space in the known world. If you haven't heard it, hear it. I don't just mean listen, I mean concentrate on it – HEAR what's going on… it's absolutley gorgeous.

4. Porcupine Tree – Linton Samuel Dawson

…seriously though, Porcupine Tree take up a fair wedge of my listening time, I just can't pick one… Baby Dream in Cellophane, Stranger by the Minute, .3, Sound of Musak, Gravity Eyelids, Blackest Eyes, Heartattack in a Layby.. you see my predicament here. So I just picked the one I cannot reach the end of and still be in a bad mood.

5. Liquid Tension Experiment – Universal Mind
OOoohh so difficult to choose an LTE song, but this one gets a lot of airtime in my head. "Hourglass" and "When the water breaks" close contenders here. I adore most, if not all LTE music, but this one is pretty amazing to drive to, and gives me aspirations to suck less at keyboard playing.

I avoided saying anything by Replica X – because it would have seemed arrogant (arrogance is not warranted for my talents), but I love playing many of the RX songs, especially 'Ninjas and Eternity.

Other hereforto unmentioned bands that don't fear the "next" button include: Symphony X, Aryeon, Freak Kitchen (and Mattias), Liquid Tension Experiment, Neal Morse, Pain of Salvation, Sonata Arctica, Stratovarius, Tony McAlpine's CAB, and maybe a little Tower of Power. Oh and A.C.T. Anyone who is into the band A.C.T. who I don't know of must e-mail me right now because you've obviously got taste. If there's enough people I'll make an ACTSoc.

The Five People I'm passing The Baton On To:
I'm not "passing the baton" to anyone! Please put in your own knob joke here.

May 15, 2005

Sex (hee hee) and the mind attached

OPINION 4: Sex. lol.

Or: "If only I could be an asshole"

This is my first publicly viewable DPOH post – feel honoured now, because by the time you reach the bottom you may not be in the mood.

Dear beige box,

It's Summer time. And apparantly we have women, we have women on our minds. Or men, presumably. Or both or neither, I didn't write the song. Either way, it's all a bit strange.

Why is everyone doing this….?

Sex -> Start of Relationship -> Sex -> End of Relationship -> Sex

While I've been doing this….?

Hello -> Learn each others names -> Know something about each other -> 'Date' -> Start of Relationship -> Sex -> Extreme, unsolvable problems -> End of Relationship -> No Sex

Am I just the model of inefficiency? I'm thinking that Sex is different for every person. I don't just mean the act, I mean the definition of what's involved in the whole process, and its meaning. As a scientist maybe this is what's confusing me – I need a manual or something. Okay, laugh if you will (you will), but what is it about relationships with women that seem to make relationships with men look simple (entirely from a man's point of view)? No really, I am actually asking. Anyone who would answer would be female… and I can't trust them because they've been lying about the whole thing to spare my feelings or preserve some child-like naiivity – the stem of the whole confusing issue in the first place. I don't need to be treated like a child… frankly I think they just don't want to let me into their stupid private club1.

Maybe it's an experience thing – like learning to ski. Frankly, I shouldn't be riding on the diamond slopes when I'm still getting to grips with staying on the t-bars. Not that it's not good for all concerned. Mostly. But disappointing someone who has predictions and routine is a terrible feeling. Here's me wandering in with thoughts of "spontaneity" and "open sexual practices" and "honesty", and certain people (let's call them "SOME women" as to not offend anyone) come in to the mix and fuck it all up by trying really hard not to hurt my feelings by not saying what they want or why (I am venturing outside of sex for that sentence, please try to keep up). Cosmo, the Internet and their friends can tell them what to do about the whole thing – which sort of defeats the whole "relationship" thing doesn't it?

I suppose I'd have to be in a few more relationships to take decent cross-section. Maybe I've just been very unlucky.

It could be a power thing. Let's categorise every female in the same way, to make things easier. Females like to be socially dominant, and sexually submissive. Exceptions include some bisexual and lesbian women, women with too low intelligence to hold a conversation (mostly found in American Teen movies), women who act weak to attract assholes (also in teen movies), and Dominatricies2.

Power play is an interesting psychological concept, especially when you throw it onto something as complicated (yet apparantly simple) as sex. A lot of women like to feel submissive to a man in a sexual relationship, which is why assholes and girls tend to mix well sexually, and nice guys get to listen to the women complain about them being assholes.

The social dominance in a relationship isn't a "problem with women"... there is no actual "problem with women"... it's a problem with mankind. "I want x and I want it now" syndrome. It's a two-way relationship, but it's just more two-way on my side because I don't want to sacrifice anything for mutual benefit. What is all this "cutting off sex" and "controlling your man" and "I'll walk over them if they let me" shite? If you don't want sex, don't have it. But don't deliberately deny it to spite or control your partner, that's just sick! It's a mutual thing isn't it? And don't turn around and say "they let me walk all over them"... that's like saying "he let me stab him, officer, didn't fight back once!".

Not that I don't mind being controlled per se3, it's the presumption that worries me. How can you have a relationship with someone if they don't even have the respect for you to treat you like a human?
When you respect each other, and are ready to exchange the "fight for power" with give and take… THEN you can have a relationship, as far as I'm concerned. You can dump all the power struggle sexual practice im-a-woman-you're-in-charge crap on top of that if you want to. Just build it on a foundation of respect and honesty, it's really not that difficult I'm sure.

But then… if I'm the only one thinking this way, then what's the point in wanting relationships anyway? Screw it, I'll have a cup of tea and watch episodes of Futurama instead. At least until I get a Plan B.


Practical solutions… hmmn. All I need to do is wait for someone a bit like me, who really doesn't care about the manual instructions, as long as it's good (and fun) in the end. Relationships are two-way mutual connections – to have fun together. Laugh, play, sleep, and.. if time permits.. sex whenever compatible and enjoyable, without resentment. I'll wait for that sort of relationship.

21 years and counting, I'll keep you updated.

1 Beware: Use of irony, satire and sarcasm throughout post.
2 I'm assuming it declines like "matrix".
3 On this point I'm fairly alone, but try to stay with it.

May 11, 2005

Fulfilment of Request from a Blacker Soul


This one is called "Claire"

Claire has a name we all know
a name we all love
a name we all heed
it's "Claire"

We think it and we see,
We speak it and she turns,
We hear it and we turn and see her turning
Because she heard it too

Claire! The Greeks had it right
inventing such names with meaning
that races from the mind and explodes and
shatters into
a thousand meanings – Bright, Shining, Clear!

And it's her name.


This one is called "Ray's mantra"

Manta ray
Manta ray
Manta ray
Went Ray's mantra

Manta Rays of the deep blue sea
Or shallow sea
Even seas that are medium depth
And have rays in them

Ray knew it like he knew his own name…
The rays were in there, his mantra for mantas
mantraing like a repeating mantra about mantas.

Foolish Ray.
Foolish ray.

also Jelly.

Feelin' Fine

Or not. Porblems, issues, etc have led me to create an interpretation of my feelings as an animated gif

If you want it to rain on your picture, but don't know how to make your dream come true, e-mail the picture to me and i'll rain on it!

Usual address, spockstension at hotmail dot com.

May 10, 2005

Poems from a Blacker Soul 2

This one is called "Death lies naked on my porch"

Get off


This one is called "Light of the World"

The dark darkness is dark
It darkens around me
Darker and darker
Until it's really dark

I can't see in this dark
It's too dark to see
In the darkness
Nobody can see anything
except the dark

Oh pulchritudious fate!
Why did you make it so dark so late?
The Greeks had it right,
They used lots of light
And candles.

So the darkness remains
And I slip on the icy floor
And hurt my elbow
In the dark


This one is called "Meta Meta Four"

A like a B like a C
Like a D
All is like All
is Like none

Like a meta-metaphor
it's like it being like something it isn't
but still being like it it's like the act
of being like it

The likeness is like liking what cannot be liked
or is liked in a way that one thing is like another
But it's only like it
Otherwise it'd be a simile


This one is called "Star Bright"

The stars twinkle
Twinkle like an eye
A starry eye, twinkling
Like a twinkling star

Star bright!
Yet so dull
With blasts of heavenly rays
Of darkness

Look at the stars above
The Greeks had it right
About the stars

And I lay in a blanket
Of lonelyness
Underneath the stars
And clouds and moon and aeroplanes


This one is called "Yeah, Yeah"

Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah

To it all.


If you want the Blacker Soul to write you a poem, please contact him at spockstension(at) with your topic

May 07, 2005


I've taken to saving my MSN drawings. So I put them on here. Yup. See the new gallery!

A few examples of my "talent":

May 03, 2005

Poems from a Blacker Soul

This one is called "I like her"

Theres a girl I like
But she doesnt like me like
we like what we like
but what she likes isnt me

Oh Fate!
The Greeks had it right

Oh why doesn't she love me?
Or like me or something?
Cruel passion, cruel desire
why do you torment me with this hardon?

Love me, like me
Acknoledge me!
Why try harder,
When I dont exist to her?

My soul of glass
shatters on her icy stare
of not liking me
At all.

April 12, 2005

TriPost (the third one)

Hello again.

Karl Marx, antithetical as he was, once said that Religion is the opiate of the masses. Ever since then the phrase, like most good soundbytes, has become a template for opinions. Searching around, I found that apparantly:

Sport is the opiate of the masses
Football is the opiate of the masses
Television is the opiate of the masses
Voting is the opiate of the masses
'hipness' is the opiate of the masses…

the list goes on and on. But I'm here, typing right now (as one would expect) to present you with my own theory, using Karl's fine template:

OPINION 3: Hypocricy is the Opiate of the Masses

People nowadays are empowered with strength they cannot handle, and frankly should not have. Violent people are allowed to drink. Yobbish people are allowed to attend football matches. People who do not know how to handle their money have too much money. Every one of them loves it, as much as they love to complain about wanting more.

More. The one thing that every single person seems to want. They cannot responsibly use what they have, but they want more of it. It isn't, however, their fault when you question why they want more money even though it's to come from people less fortunate than themselves. It isn't their fault that they blame mobile phone signals for sickess of their children while feeding them enough E-numbers to send a Sloth into hyperactivity. It 's the school's fault that their children are roudy and ill-behaved – not that they shout and ball… no, it comes as a shock when their kids start emulating them by shouting back at them. My children aren't my fault. It's the schools/television/friends/lack of community facilites/computer games/violent films…. pick your favourite, there's enough for everybody. My child's input is COMPLETELY beyond my control. I let my kids stay out all night and drink, dressed like a whore. I can't understand why they're getting in trouble! It's NOT MY FAULT!

Hypocrisy is more popular than ever. Explaining away your sins and transgressions is a tried and tested philosophy that the British hold dear.

Hypocrisy n., pl. -sies.

  1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.
  2. An act or instance of such falseness.

Directly after the latest school shooting in America, a man I trust and respect decided he wanted to use this oppertunity to attack something I enjoy – violent video games. It was the fault of these evil games! The kid pointed to a game and said "I'm going to do that!"... it's obvious what's at fault here. When I pointed out that I played these games his retort was that I was mentally stable. Hmmnn… maybe it was his mental stability that was at fault? Well, the man explained that it was a contributing factor to his behaviour (not the fault of the game entirely).

I pointed out that millions of people worldwide play violent video games and yet there are surprisingly few shootings. His retort was that America has the guns to support school shootings unlike us. Hmmmn… maybe it's the fault of gun control and not violence in video games? It makes no matter, the man explained, we still have knifings.

I went on to explain that this violence happens in movies, on television, even on stage. Every day we see violent images on the news. His retort was that those could be contributing factors too, but games still featured their part.

I went on to explain how most people who play violent video games are older than those who perform school shootings – how no school shooting has been directly linked to violent video games – how violent crime spans the board of people who play games and who don't… and then I asked what evidence he based his assumption that "video games caused this school shooting". He heard it on the news.

It was later discovered the shooter was a neo-nazi with posts on nazi websites and forums, explaining his frustration at society for their views on him.

… a long-winded story, but what does this have to do with hypocrisy?

Months later, I attacked football as a source of violence. This isn't the untracable violence we don't see attaching itself to the evil videogames industry – this is violence we see after matches, when people in football uniforms (they call them strips, but that's spin for you) attack each other in the streets. Not all, obviously, but the game does cause violence.

Then there's the fact it rips people off – because it's a million pound industry. The players are given vast sums of money, despite an obvious lack of intelligence and civilisation, to spend on drugs and women – while a nurse or doctor spending their time saving the lives of hypocrites (read "civilians") makes – frankly – a pittance.

Then of course the hooliganism of the british is famous. What kind of country wants people like this associated with them? Not myself, certainly. And anyone who gets drunk, goes to "the football" (the game is implied, I think) and then gets into a fight deserves to be shot. The game is violent. it's bad international press. It causes mistrust, broken marriages and hatred.

He became very defensive – as I did with video games – and told me that I couldn't say those things. I wasn't allowed. "and I like it", he added.

So… it's okay to attack something you don't like – but if you want it you keep it then how DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT MY BELOVED (something I want). No matter what a drag on society, civilisation and the progression of humanity it is.

What better example of hypocrisy is there?

As you know, I believe in providing an antidote to these sort of problems. Logic. It's as simple as that. Any failure to abide by laws of simple logic will be harshly dealt with. I don't care if you're trying to prove that Hitler was a black jew – as long as you give an argument with cojent logical resolve. That – surely – is the essence of questioning our existance and modern philosophical debate. Knowledge that expands minds, and is the yardstick for a civilised society, ever since the days of Socrates.

So quite simply, repeated failure to abide by logical arguments will result in execution. A trained team – the Logic Squad – come to your house, drag you out and shoot you in the head. Leaving you to bleed on your front lawn.

With my most hypocritical thanks,

Peace, y'all.

January 24, 2005

Post the Second

Nice to see you again. I am, once more, sufficiently cynical to make my second post. So here goes with…

OPINION 2: Relationships And Enlightenment Are A Lie

I better start out by saying that I don't mean all relationships. All will become clear.

Modern relationships, as far as I can make out, involve going to a club or bar dressed in suitable attire, drinking copious amounts of alcohol or taking other drugs, and attempting to "pull" – which means having sex in the girls' toilets on the second floor of the union then staggering home. Then the happy couple remain boyfriend and girlfriend – emotionally until the next morning when they find out they have nothing in common, and ritualistically until a few weeks later when one dumps the other because the sex or the conversation turns out to be boring.

Quite frankly, if you dress like a slut and go to a poorly lit room with music so loud you cannot carry out a conversation, what kind of men do you expect to attract? And if you slick back your hair into a spiky monstrosity and wear brand name shirts, do you really think you'll attract the kind of women you want to have a relationship with? Of course not, it's just the sex. Man meets woman, sex, breakup, repeat until you meet someone bearable. Maybe this has to do with the high divorce rate. I'm just saying is all.

The worst thing about this is that there is no forum for people to dress in comfortable clothes and listen quietly to background music, discussing their similarities or differences. Unless you mean a dinner date. But then again, who asked you?

Moving seemlessly on, why do we consider ourselves an enlightened crowd of people? I mean I know I am. Some of my best friends are Irish. It starts with the people, and reaches rediculous highs in racists anti-racism laws. Laws are equal and reversable. So I can claim for discrimination at work because I'm white, racially motivated attacks, etc. Well obviously not, but I think you see what I mean. I've heard black people claim that anti-racism laws are racist themselves. It's not that we embrace black people as our brothers, collegues, friends, and peers – we have to. If we don't, and voice otherwise, we are breaking the law. I'm fed up of seeing posters, adverts and other media telling me what I must think about black people. That's the problem right there – they're just people like me and you. Well, presumably you. Frankly, presumably me.

It doesn't stop at race of course. We have laws in place to "protect" black people, minorities, women, old people, young people, disabled people, gay people, and animals. So let's discriminate against fat people, ugly people, and people with bad haircuts. Laws or no, we still discriminate.

What do you call a westcountry man that owns a sheep and a goat? Bisexual.

Now as a bisexual male who's current home is in the westcounty, I'm not offended by that joke. Not because I own neither a sheep nor a goat. Not because it's not funny. A joke is a joke, and I think most people can laugh at their own stereotypes. So I have nothing against jokes or even comments made in jest. Even so, there's plenty of people I meet that make rather unsettling comments about groups of minorities.

In these enlightened times why do we need to sit around and lie to each other in so many different ways? Hide behind our media-driven haircuts and clothes, talking about girls and cars and… stickers. If it were up to me everyone would be forcefully educated and any show of immaturity would be severely dealt with, to purify the human race. Anyone breaking this law should be dragged from their homes and shot through the head, left bleeding on their lawn.

Until next time, think happy thoughts!

January 14, 2005

My FiRst PoST

It is my new goal to create the least-viewed most opinionated and unreadable blog this University has ever seen. What is more I will update it at infuriating (in)frequency to discourage potential subscribers and chase away comments.

If you know a worse blog than this, please leave a comment on the page and I will endeavour to lower my standards.

Okay, here goes with…

OPINION 1: The world is full of morons

Okay, an obvious start, but I don't want to begin on a tricky one.
It can't just be me. Is everyone incapable of driving? Do women need more than 3 pairs of shoes? Why do I need to look like the guy on TV? Moreover, when the TV says jump why do people get out on the balcony and fling themselves off? It seems there's an inexhaustable list of questions I can ask about the world which can be answered with worrying simplicity… the world is full of morons.

Don't agree with me, though, until you've looked in the mirror and you can honestly dismiss any moronic behaviour. Do you get drunk to enjoy your friends' company? Do you think that anyone over 30 is too old to be cool? Look down for brand name clothing on your chest, or a cigarette in your hands. Can you defend those styling products on your shelf? Maybe there's a quiver of guilt when you let slip what degree you're taking… Sociolo-what? Worst of all, have you written a blog all about stuff you hate for people you don't know?

I think an inherant problem with morons is their complete obliviousness to their moron status. It's not limited to dislogical arguments, moronic habits, posers, yobbish kids, media-slaves, goth politics and George Bush. Far from it. Intellectual types, nerds, geeks and outcasts are just as prunable as far as I'm concerned. Not a nerd on the planet that I have met will leave you alone if you make a mistake:

Neutral Guy: "Well I'm not too bothered which I buy. Doesn't make much difference to me…"

Nerd: "Oh, oh it does. Oh yes, let me tell you why you're wrong."

As if to say "What are you, some kind of idiot?". Individuals are just as bad. Anyone who wears an "individualistic uniform" (usually involving a whole lot of black clothes or an unusual hair colour) without spotting the hypocricy has to have some kind of moronic tendancies. The list is just far too large to tackle. So I have invented….

The Logically Oriented and Philsophical Utopia Life Licence. This is a card you are issued with at birth with 100 points branded (electronically of course) into a chip, or on a database. Every time you smash up a car, draw graffiti on public property, drag race on an estate, sell illegal drugs, or anything that can be construed as moronic, you lose some points. When the total reaches 0, you are dragged from your home by a new, specially trained armed unit… and you are shot through the head and left to bleed on your lawn.

Hope to see you all again for the next episode.

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