March 28, 2008

Draft playing with rhythm

I run and the song is overtaken

by the drifting mind

of the loving one,

the girl whose legs buck up

head down

sweat tucked

to the Easter air

and whose feet crunch for fun

on the mud park trail

but the mind trails

and the eyes trail

back to the known of the man.

I run flatfoot

undone and breathing

foolish breaths that

do not fall

onto his skin.

The march grass packs wet under

press and progress

      But joyous

smiling

bouncing

pink and panting hard

heart fast

the song pugnacious

spring, meandering

My love, when will you be with me again?


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  • Charlie! you filthy filthy girl! Still, all this is very amazing. well done :) didn't see you over e… by Adam on this entry
  • Much as I like the ryhthm, I think perhaps it would work better with breif gasps of chaos breaking o… by on this entry
  • Devon, and theres nothing out there but a hurricane….I agree that the last line does 'let go' and … by charlie jones on this entry
  • Hey, Charles. In the best 'you–comment–on–my–poem–I'll–comment–on–yours' tradition, I noticed you'd … by on this entry
  • Really loved the last four lines; I thought they built fantastically. Was the line–break difference … by on this entry

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