January 26, 2005

Welcome to the official Christopher Union homepage

Welcome to the new Christopher Union blog. We look forward to recruiting many new members during our final months. Are you an impressionable young Christopher frightened by people with other names? Want to meet others like yourself? Christopher Union is a student led group of Christophers who offer immaturity, confusion and perhaps an early death. We offer the key to engaging your inner comptons and ask for nothing in return except
large non-tax-deductible wads of cash.

Some people believe the name Christopher no longer has any relevance in the modern world but Christopher Union now has over 10 members worldwide. Can all those people really be wrong?

If you would like to know more about what we believe as Christophers please come along to one of our events where there are always opportunities to ask questions. We would love to meet you in person and would be thrilled if you brought lager.

A Brief History

Christopher Union dates back to 1366, when a worker named Christopher in the Den Hoorn brewery, concerned that unnecessary chemicals were being added to the lager, set up Christopher Union in order to place pressure on the owners to invest in new state of the art equipment that would rectify the problem. Four months later it was proved unequivocally that these chemicals caused aggressive drunkenness and encouraged individuals to beat their wives. The owners however refused to accept the findings of the reports and continued relentlessly. In 1369 after marriages plummeted cataclysmically in the nearby towns the Union decided to set up their own brewery producing a cheap authentic lager brewed with natural ingredients called Christonbrau. For a brief period prosperity returned to the region. People remained happily married, drank Christonbrau to become merry and went school. Unfortunately this meant there was no longer a need for Christopher Union. Christopher stripped of purpose slowly spiralled into a world of depression and alcoholism and one winters day whilst walking his pet lemming fell into a peat bog where he remained for 600 years. In the year 1975 he was discovered by scientists working for the National Museum of Wales. For many months these scientist working on a secret island off the coast of Costa Rica tried to extract a complete strand of DNA from the specimen in the hope of resurrecting Christopher from the dead. Eventually they succeeded but after exceeding their yearly budget of £12.30 the scientists were forced to abandon the project. For many years it was believed the precious DNA had been lost but in 1985 a secret government organisation began to use the DNA to create an army of clones in the image of Christopher in a lacklustre attempt to take over the world. The clones however turned out to be disobedient and prone to outbursts of strange irrational behaviour so they were cut up into pieces and dumped in the Severn Estuary. What the government didn’t realise was that holes in Christopher’s original genetic code had been crudely filled with echinoderm DNA and that echinoderms exhibit a from of a-sexual reproduction in which if a piece of a parent is detached, it can grow and develop into a completely new copy of the organism.

The Last Christopher Union Social

One hell of a night we consumed a total of 3 bottles of lager between the 4 of us!! The Minister of information informs me after many hours of laborious calculations that this works out at an astonishing 3/4 of a bottle each. No wonder we felt bad in the morning.

Here is a picture of one new member having a lager induced pseudo-religious experience.


- 22 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Cuthbert Montague

    I'm sorry to say that some of the images on this site are rather disturbing.We would not stand for this type of narcissism in Yorkshire! On the whole I am quite impressed by the effort that has gone in to the site.Do we really need more Christopher Jones in this world though?The stench of scotch eggs may just be too strong. I suggest that you change your name to Cuthbert Montague.

    30 Jan 2005, 12:17

  2. I agree with cuthbert.

    30 Jan 2005, 19:44

  3. hamster dulux sandwich

    i don't like scoth eggs, are they compulsary?

    30 Jan 2005, 20:29

  4. Yes Iím afraid they are. As is the kiss from Christopher Piss Pants.

    30 Jan 2005, 20:33

  5. hamster dulux sandwich

    can i donate my kiss and scotch egg to another christopher?

    30 Jan 2005, 21:56

  6. no he's looking forward to giving you one…it would be tragedy to dissapoint him

    30 Jan 2005, 22:23

  7. cythbert Montague

    Is Christopher piss pants AdriaN?

    31 Jan 2005, 18:33

  8. Yes but who is Cuthbert?

    31 Jan 2005, 20:57

  9. Lucy

    I graciously accept my role as Minister of accusations.

    01 Feb 2005, 22:16

  10. Good. What would we do without one.

    01 Feb 2005, 23:51

  11. Trippus

    hello chris(s)

    02 Feb 2005, 12:47

  12. Thanx Rob i'll put the link in

    02 Feb 2005, 14:54

  13. Trippus

    Could I the minister of something Chris? Like the minister of sound? Does my name have to be Chris?

    18 Feb 2005, 18:31

  14. why aren't vicky and dan in the chistopher union exec?

    24 Feb 2005, 23:12

  15. dan will give you sexual favours. but not piss pants, han will dohim

    24 Feb 2005, 23:13

  16. christopher jones

    hmmm i really hope han = hannah, and not hanish..

    09 Mar 2005, 20:30

  17. Bob The Monkey

    Boing

    27 Apr 2005, 13:25

  18. Can I be a minister?

    I would like to be minister of de fence. That does not include all fences just one fence near to where I live by the lake in Heronbank. It is more of railing, but I feel it would be quite sadistic if I was minister of de railing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That's the funniest thing I've said in 24 hours. Great.

    15 Nov 2005, 16:32

  19. Monkeys

    30 Nov 2005, 17:59

  20. Christopher Phil Kemp (Minister of Tambourines, Preservation of the Celtic Culture and Zombie Hangovers)

    Play more tambourines. Do more Celtic things. And behave in a more zombie like way when hungover. We've all be getting a bit too relaxed recentley. It's time to get more ship shape. Especially you Chris! Yeh you know who you are. Love you all.
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    06 Dec 2005, 22:56

  21. A Random Christopher

    I say hear hear to that that minister is spot on! He's the best.

    10 Dec 2005, 00:25

  22. dolores crowley

    I am looking for an ancestor who was a butcher in Dublin Ireland born about 1840. Does any Christopher have an ancestor called Christopher Union who we think lived in Bull Alley Dublin.
    Any help would be appreciated. Thanks

    22 Jan 2007, 11:44


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