January 16, 2010

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

Movie image
Title:
Sherlock Holmes
Rating:
2 out of 5 stars

What would ol’ Clay make of Guy Ritchie’s bare-knuckle boxing, Frenchman beating, second-act lulling, occult-battering bromance?

It seems that the best way to solve a mystery is to slap it about the head, or electrocute it, or give it a hearty spanking with one’s cane. So it is that we first encounter Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes, who meditates on the best means of clocking some chap who obstructs his path to Mystery Solution and then – mark you – he knocks the fellow out, the confrontation proceeding exactly as he deduced it would in the cornball slow-motion sequence. ‘Aha’, we say to this internal narrative, ‘clearly this Sherlock Holmes fellow is some manner of Thinker.’

An IMDB entry for Sherlock Holmes tells me that ‘it is made to be a rollicking good time’. Anyone who says ‘rollicking’ is bound to be a total prick (even, if not especially, in that overworn mode of irony), but the prick has a point. The result of the commitment to Rollick is that Conan Doyle’s world and characters are merely the dressing for a fairly conventional action-adventure movie. Sherlock Holmes is given the 21st-century comic book reboot, and not much of the literary original turns up for the adventure. Look at the fucking promotional posters – they’re like ads for superhero films:

Watson

Ritchie has one good idea in livening Holmes up, as opposed to depicting him in his traditional screen incarnation as a pipe-smoking, contemplative bore. Robert Downey Jr is good as a troubled, eccentric Holmes too, but no-one can seem to think what to do with the character other than chase scenes and fighting villains or, when there isn’t a chase scene to be had or a villain to fight, boxing people after dinner. Aspects of Watson’s military past are evoked with the consequence that he is multi-dimensionally dull. Our ultimate problem, then – with Moriarty creeping into view, trying to nick stuff – is that we have reputedly brilliant characters under the volition of idiots. Thus our team of creators has Holmes rushing around in a sort of Victorian Dark Knight affair with explosions, and gadgets, and Holmes predicting in idle moments everything the next century of science will bring in a tongue-in-cheek manner that makes me wonder whether a bad script provides grounds for a cinema refund.

Anyway, there’s this evil chap called Lord Blackwood, whose name is evil, and who looks evil, and he’s trying to stick a knife in some virgin. Holmes stops him, to Blackwood’s chagrin, and the ensuing tussle inexplicably consumes over two hours of our time, with the subplots of Holmes trying to do some woman (Rachel McAdams) and Watson planning to marry some other, funny-looking woman (Kelly Reilly). Moriarty slips into the darkness, anticipating a chance to creep back for a sequel, although I’ll understand if he decides to give it a miss, and stays at home.

poster

- 4 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Sue

    We’ve been talking about our childhood memories tonight and especially how things that happened in your formative years affect you for the rest of your life. When I was about 10 years old I had a friend called Josephine Diamond. We often went to each others houses and I remember that they had a huge bathroom with a massive stack of soft tissue toilet rolls in it (I think they were so posh because she lived in the officers quarters)> Since then I’ve always had a thing about toilet paper and I love having a big store of the softest paper on the market. I don’t tend to be an envious person but I do remember thinking she had a lovely house and the best name ever. One of the people around the table this evening said “How do you get a name like that?” I said “What do you mean?” “Obviously her parents gave it to her” but he said “No, I mean that surname, where does it come from?” I don’t know but someone thought it was of Jewish origin.

    16 Jan 2010, 23:53

  2. Sue

    Just to clarify, my own mother bought quite decent toilet paper but lots of places only managed to provide something akin to tracing paper. That’s what we had at school, for instance.

    17 Jan 2010, 00:41

  3. Josephine Diamond is ace. I met a Jeffrey Steel recently and was mightily impressed by his name.

    17 Jan 2010, 15:50

  4. Sue

    Actually, these days I’m not so impressed with the name Diamond as it sounds a bit too twee. Josephine is very cool, though, I’d love to be a Josephine. In reality it was a very short-lived friendship because she was posted overseas, I think it only lasted about six months. The only thing I really remember about her was that she was dark and rather beautiful as you’d expect of a Josephine. I wonder what happened to her. Somehow, Jeffrey Steel doesn’t hold the same appeal for me. Your name brings to mind a little jingle – “Murray mints, Murray mints, too good to hurry mints.”

    17 Jan 2010, 23:05


Add a comment

You are not allowed to comment on this entry as it has restricted commenting permissions.

January 2010

Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su
Dec |  Today  | Feb
            1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Search this blog

Tags

Most recent comments

  • Actually, these days I'm not so impressed with the name Diamond as it sounds a bit too twee. Josephi… by Sue on this entry
  • Josephine Diamond is ace. I met a Jeffrey Steel recently and was mightily impressed by his name. by on this entry
  • Just to clarify, my own mother bought quite decent toilet paper but lots of places only managed to p… by Sue on this entry
  • We've been talking about our childhood memories tonight and especially how things that happened in y… by Sue on this entry
  • :D Excellently analysed. by George Ttoouli on this entry

Blog archive

Loading…
Not signed in
Sign in

Powered by BlogBuilder
© MMXXII