All entries for Friday 13 January 2006

January 13, 2006

How to be Edward Monkton and Make your Fortune

Remember to sell your 'art' shamelessly for use on a range of stationery and gift products, from cards to keyrings and mugs. With this in mind, you'd best keep your subjects irrelevant to anything as specific as birthdays etc.

First off, your Humorous Caption is vital. Don't be intimidated: this really doesn't require any wit. Just follow one of these examples:

i) 'The X of Y'
ii) 'The X that Ys'
iii) The Scenario of X combined with Y and Hilarity Ensuing
iv) The Sagely Maxim involving Xs that Y

X and Y, you understand, must be utterly incongruous. The reader will quake with mirth on seeing them, X and Y, of all things, together in the same sentence! What a Novel and Amusing thought, worthy of monetary expenditure!

The celery of penitence.

The earlobe that would be Viceroy.

Do Not Vote for the Bearded Potato.

As little creativity is required, the well of cynically concocted drivel posing as absurdist humour will never dry up.

Illustration is also important. Again. little ability or vision is necessary; just stick to your crude, black-and white imitations of Quentin Blake's loveable simplicity, removing the 'loveable' part.

Now you're ready for mass production, and all will be happy. You will be rich, and the consumer will be delighted with his/her endless purchases. 'Ho ho!' he says, 'I'm glad I possess a wry, alternative sense of humour. Truly, I am both Interesting and Quirky.'

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