All entries for December 2004
December 12, 2004
I didn't get any uni work done at all yesterday but that was mainly due to working in Yates' most of the day. It was a lot more chilled than Friday so it has got rid of a little bit of the stress that I have been feeling recently. The rota for the Xmas period was put up as well. It looks like the manager is making up for me missing the Xmas period as I am going home as she has put on 4 very long shifts in a row over the new year!
I have really started to wonder why I am at uni. I do love the place, the people and in general I am having a good time but I really don't have any motivation to get a degree. I never really have. It is really annoying that there is such a hugh importance put on having a bit of paper that says you have one as it means you are 'intelligent'. It isn't even proper intelligence … all you are doing is being spoon fed someone else's ideas. There are much better forms of intelligence … shame no one really considers them as in high regard as a degree.
I have been getting really itchy feet recently. I really want to go traveling, though this time properly. I want to just go from country to country in a random fashion with only the bare essentials. I have also found myself seriously looking at immigrating somewhere … mainly Canada or Australia at the moment but I am also going to be looking at South Africa and Eastern Europe. But if I am going to do this it will probably be best that I get a degree of some sort first.
December 10, 2004
I have actually been a good boy over the last couple of days as I have started attacking the mountain of work I have to do over the xmas break … unfortunately my motivation has pretty much nose dived to minus infinity as I don't seem to make any head way at all. It didn't really help that my head wasn't really funstioning at all today. Even when I was simply coping a few little extracts from one of the books that I was looking at I kept making really silly spelling errors!! Also, I am struggling a little with my big assessment, I just don't seem to be able to get threw any of it at all.
I was really hoping to get through as much of this as possible before going home so that I could chill for a few days but it is not looking like that will be able to happen. If push comes to shove I may even have to consider doing a little bit of work on xmas day!!
I suppose the only good thing is that I think I have more or less sorted out some kind of topic for my essay. It isn't quite what I was originally planning on but it isn't far off. I have a shit-load of reading to do for it now though which is gonna be fun!
I am so hoping that it'll be a good night at work tonight as I could do with something to de-stress me!
December 09, 2004
So apparently progress has been made regarding the political situation back home but still no deal has been struck. All because of some photos!! If I am honest I think I have completely lost all interest (and possibly hope) for things back home cause it really doesn't look as if anything is going to be completely sorted out.
And if I am honest again it is probably cause there is no solution to the problem because no matter what you try and do … someone is gonna be majorly pissed off.
December 08, 2004
December 06, 2004
This is probably going to come across as a little strange but I am not really all that sure what to make of it.
A few days a go someone added me to their MSN contacts. At the time I had absolutely no idea who he/she was but as a few people I partly know have added me before I just accepted. It turns out that it was some girl from South Korea who found out my address from my blog I have via livejournal (something which doesn't really bother me). I finally got to talk to her today and after the initial introductions etc she tried to send me a picture of her via MSN. I was a bit sceptical about opening it as there was the fear of it being a virus so tried to check it out first but by that time something had failed somewhere down the line. After this, I sent her a couple of pics of me.
This is the strange bit, once I saw the little version of the pic loading I got the worst feeling of deja-vu ever. More or less the whole scenario played out as I had seemingly done before: ie refusing to look at pic due to the possibility of a virus and then sending someone that pic (though I couldn't picture who I sent it too). The thing is I know I have not sent that pic out to anyone before so I have no idea where this deja-vu could have come from.
If this was a one off then I would probably just ignore it but things like this have happened to me for quite some time now. I remember the first time, I was 16 and in French class and my teacher asked some question to which I gave some answer and at that time I got the feeling that it had already happened in the past.
I am not sure what I should make of this because I don't really believe in all this paranormal stuff but this is just a little freaky!!
Writing about web page http://www.livejournal.com/users/wavinordrownin/2004/04/03/
Not Waving But Drowning by Stevie Smith
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.
So this is the poem that I got my name from (though it is a shortened version as I couldn't fit the full name into my other journal, Click here to get to it. I have set this one as well as it opens up my mind to more and more people.
After Awhile by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn`t mean leaning and company doesn`t always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren`t contracts, presents aren`t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a man, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow`s ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure, you really are strong, you really do have worth
And you learn
And you learn with every goodbye,