Anyway, yesterday was a weird day. Don't think anyway weird happened really but I just didn't feel right at all. I somehow managed to get into my 9am lecture which was good as i couldn't be all that bothered with uni again. As per normal was bowling after the lectures. I am really beginning to get frustrated at my lack of progress this year. I finished off last season with a 131 average which was ok I guess (though I did think I would be better than that). This season I have somehow got worse and am now only averaging 125 and haven't had a good game in ages.
I can vaguely understand why I may have declined initially as I changed from straight to hook bowling but I certainly didn't expect to stay this bad. Even when I first crossed over I showed signs that I would improve quite a bit as I managed to get 7 strikes in a row (though over two games … gggrr) and in general just had problems sparing. I didn't bowl much over the summer so when I started this season i was pathetic but didn't think too much about it as I thought I'd get back to the good standard again but it never really materialised. The only time that I showed any signs that I was getting better was in the London tournament when I hit a 197 (my PB when hooking) and my PB series ever but at the next days bowling I was back to my rubbish self.
I am probably playing badly now cause I am doubting myself but I can't help it. We are at the time of the year where most of the tournaments are and have the BUSA one this weekend where all the good people are going to be and then me who is going to be shown up by everyone. I am really not enjoying bowling at the moment and rather than being a time when I can chill out and relax it is becoming irritating and stressful. I just wish I could see some kind of improvement.
I have no motivation for my degree at all. I am so stupid for choosing maths, I don't enjoy it all that much (except the Biology/nature related stuff). It doesn't help that I am not all that good at it anymore either. Yesterday, when I got back from bowling, I somehow managed to distract myself for about 5–6 hours on the computer as I couldn't be arsed doing any uni work (despite having a lot to do).
I don't even know why I am here at all. A degree means nothing to me, it is simply a bit of paper that is supposed to imply that I am smart … big deal. Yes people say that it help me get a well paid job but most of the jobs that are well paid i don't wanna do. I really need to sort out what I want from my life/what I am going to do with it.
Today has been ok. Not really done any work but that is cause i have had a load of meetings. We finally got round to finishing going through all the socs fed awards which is good. Should find out which societies have won over the weekend and we will then nnounce results next thursday. After that was Union Council (my first with an actual vote). It was quite boring this week as there was no fun controversial policies but at least it was short.