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June 14, 2007
The Apprentice: Season Four Guide
Following last night’s surprise winner of The Apprentice, I thought I’d present my guide to the next season of the show so as to avoid disappointment when it comes around.
1) If Sir Alan nods his head, gives a thumbs up, or an ‘ok’ signal to a contestant at a vital moment, that contestant will lose.
2) If a contestant makes themselves look like a complete fool, that contestant will win.
It doesn’t matter who looked like the better contestant last night. The editing will have made the other look better, so Sir Alan’s decision came as a big shock. If you watched the “You’re Hired” show afterwards, you’ll have seen the bit of Simon’s speech which made him look composed and clever. Funnily enough we didn’t see that in the main show.
It’s called TV editing, and it’s my simple two-part guide to the next – and every – series of The Apprentice. Watch Series 3 all over again and you’ll see how right I am.
“If Kristina doesn’t get the job,” I scream, “This city’s gonna burn!” Sir Alan suffers some kind of massive synaptic misfire and hires Simon. Pass. Me. My. Matches.