All 2 entries tagged Language

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December 27, 2006

Stuff the dictionary

If there’s one thing that Scrabble, Boggle or Countdown are any good for, it’s reminding you how stupid the English language is. My mum asked a good question:

How do you pronounce “Ough”?

Is it like Cough? Bough? Dough? Nought? Thorough? Through?

The Americans can’t spell Colour. But then neither can we. It should be culur or even culler.

Why do we put up with this traditionalist nonsense? Why don’t we march on Oxford and inform the OED they’re wrong?

Millions of kids ‘fail’ at English. But is it surprising when the English language is such a ruddy great big hurdle to speaking, reading and writing?

There’s things I love about English. The lack of all those male/female verbs for one thing. The EU should make everyone speak English. They’d save billions on translation. But we need to sort out our pronunciation first.

Britain’s quite a traditional country but we’ve never been afraid of doing something differently if the first attempt didn’t work. Look at Wembley. The railways. The M6. Corner shops.

So dictionary people, stop inventing utterly useless fad-words like “Crunk” and “Celebutante” and start doing something useful! You can start with weird, believe and leisure. Shall we just ban ‘i before e’ outright?


May 12, 2006

The Daily Mail teaches us Spanish


The Daily Mail are giving away CDs to help you learn Spanish. Which is very nice of them. Let's see what phrases we can learn from them…*

Vaya de nuevo a donde usted viene
Go back to where you come from

Usted no está cantando más, usted no está cantando más...
You're not singing any more, you're not singing any more

¿Es usted un gay?
Are you a gay?

Esto es una tienda local para la gente local
This is a local shop for local people

Su cerveza es mierda
Your beer is shit

¿Qué usted le significa no vende pescados y virutas?
What do you mean you don't sell fish and chips?

Sabía que debemos haber ido a Bognor.
I knew we should have gone to Bognor.

Extranjeros sangrientos
Bloody foreigners!

  • These phrases may, or may not, have been made up by me.

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