All entries for Tuesday 29 March 2005

March 29, 2005

T–minus 4hrs 15mins max

Follow-up to Teaching, Day 2 from Claire Blogden

OK, this evening I am going an Arlen gig.

It's going to be fine because Lucy, Russ, Ben and Dave have all asked after me to go, and I know at least Jo and Paul will be there and possibly Kimmy, Anton etc aswell. But of course, this is the night I see Simon for the first time since Christmas, and speak to him for the first time since above entry.

I don't know if he read that and that's why he stopped emailing, or if it was because I didn't reply to his email. The wierd thing is I've actually grown up over the last twelve hours, since recieving some information I'm propbably not supoosed to have but suspected all the same, to realise that I really have to handle tonight carefully.

Part of me, the part at the fore-front of my thinking, had this idea that I had to breeze in, and, I dunno, I guess it's my vanity but I was on the brink of playing the very game I don't want to play; the "My Life is Better than Yours" game. I had to make out everything was perfect because I suspect he'll be doing the same. But then I remembered we were supposed to be staying friends, and how am I going to do that if I go in there with a head the size of the bass amp?! My life is far from perfect, and why shouldn't I be honest with him? Besides, I know someone in that room whos life is far worse and who actually has problems so I can't make it all about me, and I have to be so careful that I don't! (I'm quite good at that you see!)

So, yeah, it has the potential to be a really good night, I just have to set the right tone, so I can be guilt-free at the end of it!

Any advice/thoughts on possibly the most personal blog entry ever by me?!

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