All entries for Wednesday 16 March 2005

March 16, 2005

Fellowship of B–blonde

It was a bleak morning as Bounder, the worst Ranger ever slouched home through the South Leams. She had locked her keys inside the very inner sanctum they opened, and as it happened was most inappropriately attired for the quest she had promised to join in that day.

After a brief attempt at the the fortress of SpaMann she inconsolately made her way along the broad path to the Inn she called home.

The Elf Daveniel let her in, not blaming her for what had happened, just thinking she was bloody stupid. He was grateful for the loaf of bread she had bought though, and so exchanged the ability to make sandwiches for a pair of his trousers much more suited to questing, although the patent-cherry-red boots were a bit of a give-away. Bounder's customary untidiness provided her with a napsac and padded armour, and so with their food safely intact they set forth to meet the Mage at the bridge.

The Mage Ruthie, sporting a white flash of blonde down the right fringe bought with her the shockingly blonde hobbit Jubes of the Sheesha. She held the map and with confidence pointed the Fellowship down river, saying "We shall go to the ancient City of Warwick; that way!"

In no time the Elf and Hobbit were in the lead, picking out paths weaving along the side of the river and between the trees. Their female companions could follow by spotting Jubes' hair, but the subtle (if dissappointdly so) Daveniel blended in quite well with the dry twigs that had been left behind by winter. It was quite suprising he hadn't leapt out and scared his comrades more, in fact at all for the whole journey.

After fighting through the web of a Giant Spider and Ruthie suspending herself upside down with her magic for some time, the map was reconsulted, and a discovery was made;

Ruthie;"We've gone the wrong way"

Daveniel; "Maybe, but we haven't actually gone very far…"

And so the Fellowship found a large, clear path and headed in the opposite direction.

This did give Bounder the chance to mount a full-on assult on the (no open) fortress of SpaMann, and retrieve the mystical Key, but she decided to carry on to the ancient city anyway, it was shaping up to be quite a fun day!

About 5ooyards later, the Hobbit, Elf and Mage rejoiced at the sight of a perfect climbing tree and swiftly leapt and scrambled up it to find comfortable perches.

"Come on, bounder!" they said.

"How will I get down?" said the lame Ranger, who knew the second rule of Rangering was "plan ahead" (The first rule being "always check your hip flask and big sharp knife before going anywhere")

But she was convinced not to worry and so hoisted into the tree to perch and take pictures with the Mage's magical divice. When the time came, she was winched down by her male companions, cursing vertigo and altered perspective.

After taking victuals at Bench in the Parc, the party continued, little knowing the dangers that awaited them…

The Path they were due to take had been set upon by huge yellow monsters which were churning up the earth, so they had to make their own way across a dangerously open grassland, before plunging into an over-grown forest.

After a leap of faith over the Bog of Eternal Stench, thorns caught their ankles and sought to trip them, then the over-growth forced them to the very bank of the river, trying to push them in a drown them. When this failed, branched flung at their faces, libs, everything. The Elf effortlessly glided through this harsh terrain, the Hobbit ducked most assaults, and the Mage was able to use her magic when she was not nimble enough for the whiley trees. The Ranger, however, lagged behind, and tried to make the most of a failing situation. She hated being so lame.

Finally they were forced back onto the open road, and fearful of the yellow monsters began hiking at pace towards the ancient city.

They entered, and Ruthie went to visit the reason for this quest, her great-Mage Uncle. The other three kept a respectful distance, and stopped at the Canal for a much needed rest.

They decided the tow-path was a sensible route home, and were shocked when they found out just how sensible. In twenty minutes they were back at the gates of Leam.

They all agreed, however, this had been a wonderful adventure, and they would all go out again, in the summer!

March 2005

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