All entries for November 2005
November 22, 2005
Crikey, havn't blogged in a while. Oops.
It has, indeed, been very cold as of late. I'm finding myself wearing about 17 layers most of the time, and I have to start putting my coat etc. on 40 mins before I leave the house so I'm not late, as there are about 6 scarves to put on, and don't even get me started on the mittens…
Anyway, on the bus to campus yesterday morning, the world made me smile. It was 10.15, and still freezing. It was so cold that the trees and the fields and the fences and everything had a thick coat of white frost covering it. It was so thick it sould have been snow. I marvelled at how something so innocently beautiful could make me so smiley.
There are lots of people who don't like winter, and dread its arrival. My mum is one of those people. She hates the fact it gets dark at quarter past four, and that it's always cold. But I really quite like winter. I like coming in from the bitter cold into a nice warm house, especially if I'm at home as we have a coal fire. I like having an excuse to eat copious amouts of mince pies, and drinking brandy before I go to bed. I love the carols; end of term concerts. I'm even warming to Christmas again, despite me recent dislike of it. The Christmas (and Diwali) lights are up in Leamington, and it makes the whole place sparkle, which is hard to do, considering it's Leamington. I feel at home here.
I also like the fact this time of year brings out the best in people. They are friendlier, have more time for others, and do thoughtful things that they might not normally do. It makes me warm inside.
Please don't be sad; there are so many little things to make you happy if you look for them. The weatherman says it might even snow this week! Excited now.
Gosh, what a sentimental entry. Let me return to my hardened Northern-ness…
November 08, 2005
You know when you get a tune stuck in your head, and no matter what you do you can't get rid of it? I'm like that right now. And it's all Symphony Orchestra's fault.
I've fallen in love with Tchaikovsky all over again tonight, and realised why he's one of my favourite composers ever EVER. His 5th symphony is in our repertoire this term, and it's fab. Makes me weak at the knees just thinking about the second movement. His orchestration is absolutely perfect. I'm listening to the Pas de Deux from The Nutcracker, which is one of my favourite pieces of music, and my most favouritest ballet ever. It's wonderful. Glass of red in my hand, listening to this. Fantastic.
But then we get on to the rest of the repertoire. Karl Jenkins' The Armed Man; A Mass for Peace, and Bernstein's Symphonic Dances from West Side Story. The Bernstein I can tolerate. It's even quite good fun in some places, and it's great to see the brass enjoying themselves for a change. But The Armed Man…
Never did I think it was possible for one man to make so much money from 16 bars worth of music. It has so little direction and is so utterly dull. However, my mum does really love it, and she'll be coming down to see it, which will be nice since I havn't seen her (or been home!) since August.
My shoulders ache from playing the viola, but at least I'm happier tonight, which is cool. And I've just received possibly the best text I could ever imagine, and ever time I read it it makes me smile even more.
November 07, 2005
Today I awoke somewhat groggy following yesterday's choral competition. Peterborough, as usual, had some damned awful adjudicator who was a general arse. Seriously, I expect he writes on his passport application "Occupation; Arse". Angered me. Apologies to all of those around me who had to suffer my stroppiness, especially Graham, whom I practically shouted at just because he was listening to music.
I found myself unable to drag myself out of bed, and lay there with that 'guilty-not bothered really-lethargic-oh God I'll need to catch up even more later on' feeling when you realise you're going to miss a lecture, but still did nothing about it and carried on lying there, thinking. I do most of my best thinking when I'm in bed, having just woken up.
Eventually forced myself into the shower, which was only lukewarm, and full of mould. I hate student accommodation; apparently, doing a degree means you are entitled to live in poverty. Anyway, finished shower, dried hair, straightened hair… Usual things.
Read Lorna's entry, and felt uplifted, if not envious, of her decision making ability. Then things started going wrong.
Card was rejected at Tesco – have 4 of your English pounds to sustain myself until I get paid, with Barclaycard bill looming ominously. Went home and managed to scrape together enough money to catch the bus, feeling a little worried, but excited at seeing people who I wanted to see on campus. Was half an hour late, but then had fun.
Now I feel funny. In an empty, unfulfilled way. Have been listening to Coldplay all night, as the words seem strangely fitting to my mood;
"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"
Oh God I hope I'm not in another depressive spiral. I think by now I can talk myself out of them, but it's so hard sometimes. I look to my friends who I know have been in exactly the same position, and they all seem to be doing ok now.
I often think back to what I would have been doing this time n years ago, and wonder how much I've achieved since then. If I were in Upper 6th now, I'd be talking to the people I've now lost touch with. I wouldn't be listening to Coldplay. I'd be taking pills and drinking Gin. Seems I havn't really achieved much.
November 02, 2005
It occurred to me earlier that I have done several stupid things recently. I tend to do stupid things a lot, being a generally stupid person. These were some of the worse ones;
Got on the bus the other day and it started driving off before I had paid and I only had 4p on me (but the driver still let me get away with it!!).
Have had WAY too much beer over the last week or so. I don't even like beer.
Smacked myself in the face with a box of boots at work on Sunday then walked into the door of the footwear cupboard.
Fell asleep at MY OWN PARTY. Lame.
Told Bruce to "piss off" when I was drunk (sorry mate).
Went to Top B, got totally off my face to the point that I thought I was going home on the bus and I was actually in Andy's car, and then did it again one week later (but much fun was had. Awesome).
Spent one hour completing a maths quiz on the BBC website (but I did get 17 out of 20, which was a boon).
Got home from said Top B, sat down and realised there was blood on my hand. Don't know where it came from.
Forgot the clocks had gone back and subsequently thought I was an hour late for work until my mistake was helpfully pointed out.
Fell asleep AT MY OWN PARTY. Yeah, I know I've mentioned it twice now but I'm really disappointed in myself. You lose, Molloy.
Ah well, never mind.
On a completely arbitrary (but could be argued related – see *) note, it's the first UWCC AGM tomorrow night and I'm particularly worried about it. I am also quite impressed with myself for not only being the first female president of CC, but I'm also chairing the first AGM. Ever. In thirty-odd years. Crikey. It was actually Chris's idea, but don't tell him I said that. I know I'm going to get confuesd with all those in favour and those against and abstentions and all the rest of it. Perhaps I shall get drunk beforehand. Yes, that will do.
Can't believe it's week 6 already. Where is my life going?!
- – it can actually be classed as a stupid thing I've done as I agreed with Chris that it would be a good idea to have one. Then remembered if we had one, I'dhave to be in charge. D'oh.