November 26, 2005

Two more Jazz poems

iii Foggy Day

Silver shadows
Spray painted fog
Acid in my throat

Finger clicks
Bass licks
Trapped in a mist
Lying low,
Shifting slow.

Take the paper off
Accidental paint clings
A frosty outline
On wood beneath
A sharp sprayed line.

iv Early Riser

Teasing strands of
Wet hair straight.
Roast coffee brewing
To the bubbling jive
Of morning.

Grey sweatered
Thinned out
With paper doubt
And lack of sleep
That keeps
You sane.

Dew still settling
Sarah Vaughan
Crooning as you
Paint your face
For the day

- 2 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. yo, i like these but im not often sure how they're meant to be read. i find myself wanting some guidance from punctuation or line breaks as the words you choose sometimes flow nicely into the next only for the rhythmn to be broken.

    14 Dec 2005, 16:39

  2. i was going to write this on another poem but i think it applies to many – Timo told me to review my use of constant capitals at the beginning of each line and i thought that really helped me and it might help you…(this isn't neccessarily true. it might just help my reading.)

    PS: forgive, what is likely to become, a barrage of criticism from me this afternoon. i'm trying to exercise my ability to read poetry to help my own. please attack mine with specifics in mind – i want it.

    14 Dec 2005, 16:48

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