March 15, 2005

Dealing With Life's Certainties

"Three things are certain in life: Death, Taxes and < Fill in humourous third option here >"
Alex Campbell

Paperwork tends to piss me off. Forms, beauracracy etc. The whole bloody lot. It really really gets dull after a while, and frustrating as well, because inevitably you get it wrong, and drown in the mass of red tape created by sad little men with boring lives who take a sadistic pleasure in creating little bits of paper that they convince us are essential that we fill in correctly down to the most infinitessimal detail and often make us run around and chase after impossibly long codes and numbers that are on other bits of paper that you lost down the back of the filing cabinet three weeks earlier, or threw out with the trash yesterday.
It drives me insane!!!!! (Note 5 exclamation marks as proof of insanity.)
And why are they always called form 'P' something? What does the P stand for? Pedantic? Pissed off? Pineapple?

Money tends to piss me off as well. Not actual money per say, just the things that tend to come with it. like greed, and coruption. And taxes. Which piss me off no end, I can tell you. Because it means I have to fill out lots more little P forms in order to claim it back from the IRA. Sorry, IRS. Although it would probably be easier to get money from the IRA.
I've just been filling out a P50, which needs to be completed and sent off along with a P45 (parts 2&3) in order for me to get £80 back from the tax office (Which reminds me – the union still owe me £80 which I needed to claim back off them for a wardrobe. That form was far easier to deal with, and wasn't a P form. It had a name that I understood. But can't remember now.) You see, If you've been following the ins and outs of my life, you may remember that over Christmas I did a spot of work for a [sarcasm] delightful [/sarcasm] little company called Frankie and Bennie's. Who neglected to pay me until about 3 weeks ago. And who never sent me a wage slip. But it then turned out that the Tax office wanted £80 of it. Well * * * * that. I went through hell for that! Worse! I went through the Christmas rush! And they have the cheek to nick Eighty Quid off've me!

So I've filled in my forms. Had to run around looking for one of them, and got wrongfully accused of loosing it, when actually someone had stashed it in his pile of paperwork. (We operate a vertical filing system in our house. Things get put in piles on the floor, chairs, any flat surface, really.) but it's done now, and waiting to be posted.

I'm thinking of creating a satirical pamphlet about tax returns (A la Bill Bryson in Notes from a Big Country if I recall…) entitled Alex's Revenue Service Explained. Or ARSE for short.

- One comment Not publicly viewable

  1. I had to fill out the good old P45, P50 combo a while ago. Sent it off to the tax office, and what do they send back instead of my cheque? Another bloody form. I think they just want me to give up, I'll show them.

    16 Mar 2005, 00:36

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