October 07, 2008

On Poetry

So after a lot of procrastination on the subjects of varied avoidance I have finally finished the poetical task set by David Morley last week. That is to say I've given up staring at my fourth draft and trying to think of anything new to say about the subject matter. Which is I suppose my own fault for leaving it so long and losing most of the spontaneity, and so with no further ado here it is:

      ant like men laboured under the harness of polar bears

    whilst a melonbomb mind stood sentinel in the snow

  eyes frozen, emotion stilled, mind burst to leave

scraps of heedless thought in frozen rigor

scattered scarlet across the icy tundra


I think I've done... well badly obviously. The imagery is perhaps a little weak and I really should have searched through my thesaurus more thoroughly and not instead used it as an impromptu pillow (a task for which it is surprisingly comfy). However I don't really want to take another crack at this, at least not in this form, five lines is far too short for this sort of thing, especially for what came to my mind when writing it. Maybe in a month or two when I can bring a fresher perspective to it all.





- 5 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. I think it’s pretty good! Especially with the criteria (I ended up using 6 lines, but hey). I’ve just posted mine up in my blog as well, but the more I look at it the more I think ’... huwah??’

    Tomorrow should be fun listening to what everyone came up with!

    07 Oct 2008, 20:48

  2. Indeed tomorrow is apt to be very interesting if we need to read these things out! I imagine there will be lots of furious scribblings and scrawlings and the crossing out of vast tracts of text before the lesson starts if that is the case!

    07 Oct 2008, 21:34

  3. I still say this reminds me of a Russian gulag. Though I know this was not your intention!

    08 Oct 2008, 14:52

  4. I like the end!
    Scattered scarlet.
    Bon choix de mot!

    16 Oct 2008, 17:16

  5. Helen Gaterell

    This reminds me of Northern Lights :)

    23 Oct 2008, 16:07


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  • "only a little push into the padded cell of the mind." That's the opening line to a poem I reckon…… by George Ttoouli on this entry
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